Friday, December 30, 2005
You lay there, breathing your last breathes, fighting your fatal death, I look at your naked body, and I feel like tearing it into pieces, you were the ugliest! The most stupid, the rudest, and the toughest!
When you came to us, hiding yourself in the shape of a saint…we all asked ya to be our awaiting, for some you were the last hope! And you let them down…
For some you were the stair to heaven, but you knocked them away! Now that nothing’s left of your saint’s robe; I look at you…full of stains and brands, I can see blood on your hands, of course! You were WAR! You were FAMINE! You were DEATH! You were SATAN!
You greedy one! What have you done? How did you bring all these diseases, hurricanes, conspiracies, hatred, and death! Where did you hide them!?
I can remember how happy I was welcoming you! But I was a gullible!
No, nobody’s sorry for your death! But as for me; I won’t be a gullible again! I won’t welcome your sister the same way I did with ya…I’m afraid she won’t be much better, but at least I’m prepared this time…
God damn!!! I hated you!
No “Happy New Year” exchanges this time! It’s gonna be “TO HELL 2005…”
Thursday, December 22, 2005
Now that exams are knocking on my hell’s door, I settle down after going crazy the whole semester, I fight with Gaouse’s theory, at day, and Bissell’s equation at night, well the ironic thing is; after understanding them by myself - that takes you 10 light years!- because I haven’t attend more than couple of lectures in general, I decide with a very powerful will “ next semester I’m not gonna miss a lecture…even the English one…”, well this is my third semester and I’ve decided this twice by now…now how sad is this!
but you know there are multitude stuff which avoid this decision from seeing the light, first there’s sleeping; during the semester you sleep like 12 hours a day and sit to your P.C the rest of your day, this is kinda pay-off for the sleepless days and nights you’ll be witnessing starting from now...
Then there’re your friends, who are just like the loser you are, and you HAVE to hang out with them all the time, and pay every coffee shop in the city a visit.
And yes…you have to learn fishing...so you miss some lectures to do this, you end up being Rami the small fisherman “رامي الصياد الصغير” but don’t hope for more than ten microscopic fish, and don’t forget the donkey and carrot’s theory… “Some guys know what I mean for sure”.
And there’re the cd’s shops that know you very well by now, because you were blessing them with your visits every couple of days…to finally end up with enormous number of cds…and some new friends: D
And finally there’s your family, which you have to fight with; even this…EVEN this is taking a part of your time…
Akhhhh, do you think I’m gonna stick to my decision this time?? I need to study the hell out of these 9 subjects I have this semester…and I’m not gonna be thinking about the next one.
And since I’m a music maniac, I chose my “EXAM’S PLAYLIST” for this year which surprises many, because it’s not the kind students prefer to play…
My 2005-2006 Exams Playlist:
Bon Jovi ‘Two Story Town’ , Coldplay ‘Fix You, Speed Of Sound’
Creed ‘My Sacrifice, Weathered’ , Deep Purple ‘Soldier of Fortune’
Dire Straits ‘Down To The Water Line’ , The Gathering ‘If Then Else’ album
Godsmack ‘Faceless’ album , In Flames ‘Clay Man’ album
Iron Maiden ‘Dream Of Mirrors, Clansman’
Keane ‘Somewhere Only We Know, Everybody’s Changing, Bedshaped’
Led Zeppelin ‘Stairway to heaven’ , Lene Marlin ‘Another day’ album
Lifehouse ‘You and Me, Blind’ Metallica ‘Fade To Black, Mama Said, The Unforgiving І, Until It Sleeps’
Crematory ‘Unspoken, Memory’ , My Dying Bride ‘Like Gods Of The Son’ album
Placebo ‘Special needs’ , Poets Of The Fall ‘ Signs Of Life’ album
Savatage ‘Hounds, When The Crowds Are Gone, Temptation, Mentally Yours, Sarajevo, This Isn’t What We Meant, Not What You See, Ghost In The Ruins, Out On the Streets, I believe, Alone You Breathe, Stare Into The Sun, All That I Bleed, Follow me’
Sentenced ‘The Cold White Light’ album
Theatre Of Tragedy ‘Velvet Darkness They Fear’ album
Travis ‘The Invisible Band’ album, Him ‘The Dark Light’ album
Some of my fave Fayrouz’s
Don’t ask me how the hell I study while listening to these completely different ppl and genres; but I’m used to this I can't do without music!…if you want share your exam’s playlist “if you have one” with me feel free…it’s kinda tag, so I’m tagging:
1- Change Destiny
6- Front Pumper
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
|For a good while, I thought; “why do we say words like “Arab world, Sister country, we share the same hopes”?”, and I was convinced that all of these are just bullshit and crap.|
I believed that “together we stand…divided we fall”.
Today, and the time is running…preparing ourselves for the unpredictable future of our own, feeling the “unfair” growing into a giant, feeling that we’re alone, that it’s over, doubting the principles we’ve always considered to be our identity…
“ The Better Life” coral, came all the way from Egypt…came to pray for their homeland Syria, for Syria is the homeland of everyone, they came to sing “ Keryamaisons…hallelujahs…” and many other holy pieces, in the front row, a sheikh and a priest sat, holding Syrian flags, and hands, they’re singing too…
Thank you Egypt, we need this from you, as we need it from all the arab or lemme say the free world’s countries, I know that prays may not stop what is being prepared , and I know that these people can’t do anything about whatever may happen, but they’re doing what their willing to, and that’s what matters…the will… they wanna stand beside their blood-brothers, they wanna say “ God Protect you holy land” they wanna say “ طوبى للذين يدعون إلى السلام لأنهم أبناء الله"
Christians and Muslims, Syrians, Egyptians and Americans!
They’re raising a word… and words don’t die of what I heard…
I feel that I’m walking now with a hand in mine. Thank you Egypt…
Friday, December 02, 2005
so what?! i wanna greet myself! and in my way...a very dear poem..and picture
العام التاسع عشر من عمري...
إني احترمك كأمي...
و لسوف احترمك...
إني أسير في الطريق الذي سلكته...
و لسوف أسير...
رأسي يتدحرج بعيداً ...
و يجلس العام التاسع عشر من عمري...
على حافة سريري...
بين راحتيّ، و يقول لي :
لنتذكر معا أيام شبابنا...
لقد مرت يا عامي التاسع عشر...
تسع سنوات من عمري ...
منذ احرقنا أغصان الصنوبر في الغابة ...
و أنشدنا الأغاني بصوت واحد ...
و نظرنا إلى القمر في الليل ...
أنا لا أزال أغني القصائد ذّاتها ...
فلم تحولني الريح...
إلى ورقة في مهب الريح ...
لقد سقت الريح أمامي ...
يا من تستطيع تحطيم ما لا يحطم...
أنت قادر على التحديق في عيني...
و الضغط على يديّ...
أنت وحدك ...
يا طفلي الأول...
العام التاسع عشر من عمري ............
"If I didn’t burn,
And you didn’t…
And we didn’t…
Who is it…That will enlighten this darkness?"
Sunday, November 27, 2005
here is the truth..
don't panic! try to see the sun...but don't let its light blind you..
Saturday, November 26, 2005
Place: lattakia, the Casino.
Time: 6:00 pm, 25\11\2005 .
Event: the very first rock festival in lattakia.
Contributors: Mute, Nu-Clear-Dawn, Black Castle.
So I was there…and almost everyone was there, but everyone means: everyone who really cares for the Syrian rock scene, I mean I went to many other concerts but this one was completely different, there were like 20 security men, it was organized well, and the bands were AWSEMN.
So Mute – the lattakian band- started the show, and they were – for me- the best, regarding the great vocalist and the brilliant guitarist. Guys! This one is much better than the first formed band, where was that guy – the vocalist- !! rock on guys…hope to hear more of you…more than just cover songs…
Then another victorious band…Nu- Clear- Dawn…I’m just PROUD of em, I mean they composed their own music, lyrics…and everything! The vocalist has a problem yeh…but still it’s the very first band to CREATE sth…and not anything, something that reminds you of the golden bands…like Dio, Dream Theater…and you know…
I recommend their EP. Poem Of A Knight.
And finally I was exhausted and so the guys so we couldn’t stay to listen to all of Black Castle’s, but in general they’re instrumental, and very good at this…
So now after that rocky night, I can say that the rock scene now is witnessing an awakening…and it has developed way ahead… proud of you guys…all of you.
Sunday, November 20, 2005
those pix i took while i was in damascus couple of months ago...couldn't upload them till now, well it's raining outside now...and i'm thinking..just like the rain is washing this dirty streets...so you can wash all the bad memories...this simple!! I had good times though..
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Se7en thinks I want\like to do:
Listen to music…all kinds of music, from the greatest classical pieces to the metal of Iron Maiden. From Fayroze to…no to no one…only AND ONLY Fayroze.
Playing my guitar.
I wanna improve my programming skills without getting bored!
Spending good times with Luji and Alloush my best friends and yeh…of course spend all the time if I could with my Adam.
Sit in my glassy room…while it’s raining out there, write something good…and listen to fayroze’s voice when mixed with the rain drops’ noise on the glass… with a glass of mateh…hehe lattakian!
Se7en things I don’t want/like to do:
I don’t wanna walk between ppl feeling that I’m walking between shadows!
Knowing that I’m being moody and as a result hurt someone.
Watch Arabian music channels.
Waste my time…then look back with a boohoo face on the wasted times!
I hate to be misunderstood.
Losing someone I really care about…
Tiding my closet.
Se7en things I say most often (with explanation):
tfooooooo 3aleek; shame on you, I almost say it all the time...
nashooo7; dirty, when someone does sth you don’t: agree with/like/know about…and all the treason acts…well it’s proudly a DAMDOM’s word…
Boohoo; how sad! With a sad face and accent (I say it because I’ve heard it a lot the past 10 months.)
baseeta baseeta; take it easy…I say it even when a disaster is coming!
What so ever!; I don’t give a shit…
hous ha!; shut up or else, I used it a lot when I was at high school to tease the boys :D
Cool; cool!!! I say it when I don’t wanna talk much about whatever.
Se7en people I would like to pass this tag to:
sold out...only because every body else already did it...
Monday, November 14, 2005
No, I should say not. Why, there's always a swarm of them around-sometimes as much as four or five acres- you can't count them; I have seen a great deal of the world; almost all of it, I think; and so I am the first traveler, and the only one. For comfort I ride a tiger or a leopard, because it is soft and has a round back that fits me, and because they are such pretty animals; but for long distance or for scenery I ride the elephant.The birds and animals are all friendly to each other, and there are no disputes about anything. They all talk, and they all talk to me, but it must be a foreign language, cus I cannot make out a word they say; yet they often understand me when I talk back, particularly the dog and the elephant. It makes me ashamed. It shows that they are brighter than I am!
I have learned a number of things, and am educated, now, but I wasn't at first. I was ignorant at first. Some things you CAN'T find out; but you will never know you can't by guessing and supposing: no, you have to be patient and go on experimenting until you find out that you can't find out. And it is delightful to have it that way; it makes the world so interesting. If there wasn't anything to find out, it would be dull. Even trying to find out and not finding out is just as interesting as trying to find out and finding out, and I don't know but more so. The secret of the water was a treasure until I GOT it; then the excitement all went away, and I recognized a sense of loss. By experiment I know that wood swims, and dry leaves, and feathers, and plenty of other things; therefore by all that cumulative evidence you know that a rock will swim; but you have to put up with simply knowing it, for there isn't any way to prove it -up to now. But I shall find a way- then THAT excitement will go. Such things make me sad; because by and by when I have found out everything there won't be any more excitements, and I do love excitements so! The other night I couldn't sleep for thinking about it. At first I couldn't make out what I was made for, but now I think it was to search out the secrets of this wonderful world and be happy and thank the Giver of it all for devising it. I think there are many things to learn yet--I hope so; and by economizing and not hurrying too fast I think they will last weeks and weeks. I hope so. When you cast up a feather it sails away on the air and goes out of sight; then you throw up a clod and it doesn't. It comes down, every time. I have tried it and tried it, and it is always so. I wonder why it is. Of course it DOESN'T come down, but why should it SEEM to? I suppose it is an optical illusion. I mean, one of them is. I don't know which one. It may be the feather, it may be the clod; I can't prove which it is, I can only demonstrate that one or the other is a fake, and let a person take his choice. By watching, I know that the stars are not going to last. I have seen some of the best ones melt and run down the sky. Since one can melt, they can all melt; since they can all melt, they can all melt the same night. That sorrow will come I know it. I mean to sit up every night and look at them as long as I can keep awake; and I will impress those sparkling fields on my memory, so that by and by when they are taken away I can by my fancy restore those lovely myriads to the black sky and make them sparkle again, and double them by the blur of my tears.
After the Fall: When I look back, the Garden is a dream to me. It was beautiful, surpassingly beautiful, enchantingly beautiful; and now it is lost, and I shall not see it any more. The Garden is lost, but I have found HIM, and am content. He loves me as well as he can; I love him with all the strength of my passionate nature, and this, I think, is proper to my youth and sex. If I ask myself why I love him, I find I do not know, and do not really much care to know. I love certain birds because of their song; but I do not love Adam on account of his singing, no, it is not that; the more he sings the more I do not get reconciled to it. Yet I ask him to sing, because I wish to learn to like everything he is interested in. I am sure I can learn, because at first I could not stand it, but now I can.
It sours the milk, but it doesn't matter; I can get used to that kind of milk. It is not on account of his education that I love him, no, it is not that. He is self-educated, and does really know a multitude of things, but they are not so.
Then why is it that I love him? MERELY BECAUSE HE IS MASCULINE, I think.He is strong and handsome, and I love him for that, and I admire him and am proud of him, but I could love him without those qualities. Yes, I think I love him merely because he is MINE and is MASCULINE. There is no other reason, I suppose.
Forty Years Later :It is my prayer, it is my longing, that we may pass from this life together, a longing which shall never perish from the earth, but shall have place in the heart of every wife that loves, until the end of time; and it shall be called by my name. But if one of us must go first, it is my prayer that it shall be I; for he is strong, I am weak, I am not so necessary to him as he is to me--life without him would not be life; now could I endure it? This prayer is also immortal, and will not cease from being offered up while my race continues. I am the first wife; and in the last wife I shall be repeated. At Eve's Grave….
Dear reader if you’re ( a he or she...it doesn't matter!) reading these final lines…I really thank you for being very patient and I hope you didn’t get bored along the road to the end of this masterpiece…
And I hope you enjoyed it…
Saturday, November 12, 2005
Sunday: It is pleasant again, now, and I am happy; but those were heavy days; I do not think of them when I can help it. I tried to get him some of those apples, but I cannot learn to throw straight. I failed, but I think the good intention pleased him. They are forbidden, and he says I shall come to harm; but if I came to harm through pleasing him, why shall I care for that harm?
Monday: This morning I told him my name, hoping it would interest him. But he did not care for it. It is strange. If he should tell me his name, I would care. I think it would be pleasanter in my ears than any other sound. He talks very little. Perhaps it is because he is not bright, and is sensitive about it and wishes to conceal it. It is such a pity that he should feel so, for brightness is nothing; it is in the heart where the values lie. I wish I could make him understand that a loving good heart is a treasure, and riches enough, and that without it intellect is poverty. . No, he took no interest in my name. I tried to hide my disappointment, but I suppose I did not succeed. I went away and sat on the moss-bank with my feet in the water. It is where I go when I hunger for companionship, some one to look at, some one to talk to. It is not enough but it is something, and something is better than utter loneliness. It talks when I talk; it is sad when I am sad; it comforts me with its sympathy; it says, "Do not be downhearted, you poor friendless girl; I will be your friend." It IS a good friend to me, and my only one; it is my sister. That first time that she forsook me! "She was all I had, and now she is gone!" In my despair I said, "Break, my heart; I cannot bear my life any more!" and hid my face in my hands, and there was no solace for me. And when I took them away, after a little, there she was again, white and shining and beautiful, and I jumped into her arms! That was perfect happiness; I had known happiness before, but it was not like this, which was ecstasy. I never doubted her afterward.
Tuesday: All the morning I was at work improving the estate; and I purposely kept away from him in the hope that he would get lonely and come. But he did not. At noon I stopped for the day and took my resting by flitting all around with the bees and the butterflies and reveling in the flowers, those beautiful creatures that catch the smile of God out of the sky and preserve it!
He does not care for flowers. He called them rubbish, and thinks it is superior to feel like that. He does not care for me, he does not care for flowers, he does not care for the painted sky, is there anything he does care for!!! except building shelters to coop himself up in from the good clean rain, and thumping the melons, and sampling the grapes, and fingering the fruit on the trees, to see how those properties are coming along? I laid a dry stick on the ground and tried to bore a hole in it with another one, in order to carry out a scheme that I had, and soon I got an awful fright. A thin, transparent line rose out of the hole, and I dropped everything and ran! I thought it was a spirit, and I WAS so frightened! But I looked back, and it was not coming; so I leaned against a rock and rested,then I crept back, alert, watching, and ready to fly if there was occasion; and when I was near, I parted the branches of a rose-bush and peeped through-, but the sprite was gone.I went there, and there was a pinch of delicate pink dust in the hole. I put my finger in, to feel it, and said OUCH! and took it out again. It was a cruel pain. I put my finger in my mouth; and by standing first on one foot and then the other,I presently eased my misery; then I was full of interest, and began to examine. I was curious to know what the pink dust was. Suddenly the name of it occurred to me, though I had never heard of it before. It was FIRE! I was as certain of it as a person could be of anything in the world. So without hesitation I named it the fire. I had created something that didn't exist before; I had added a new thing to the world's uncountable properties; I realized this, and was proud of my achievement, and was going to run and find him and tell him about it, thinking to raise myself in his esteem, but I hesitated, and didn’t do it. No, he would not care for it. He would ask what it was good for, and what could I answer? If it was not GOOD for something, but only beautiful, merely beautiful… So I sighed, and did not go. I mean really, it wasn't good for anything; it could not build a shack, it could not improve melons, it could not hurry a fruit crop; it was useless, it was foolishness and a vanity; he would despise it and say cutting words. But to me it was not despicable; I said, "Oh, you fire, I love you, you dainty pink creature, for you are BEAUTIFUL, and this is enough!" Then I made another axiom out of my head, though it was so nearly like the first one that I was afraid it was only a plagiarism: "THE BURNT EXPERIMENT SHUNS THE FIRE." When I had made a good deal of fire-dust I emptied it into a handful of dry brown grass, intending to carry it home and keep it always and play with it; but the wind struck it and it sprayed up and spat out at me fiercely, so I dropped it and ran. When I looked back the blue spirit was towering up and stretching and rolling away like a cloud, and instantly I thought of the name of it-SMOKE!-though, upon my word, I had never heard of smoke before. Soon brilliant yellow and red flares shot up through the smoke, and I named them in an instant -FLAMES- and I was right, too, though these were the very first flames that had ever been in the world before. They climbed the trees, then flashed splendidly in and out of the vast and increasing volume of smoke, and I had to clap my hands and laugh and dance, it was so new and strange and so wonderful and so beautiful! He came running, and stopped and gazed, and said not a word for many minutes. Then he asked what it was. Ah, it was too bad that he should ask such a direct question. I had to answer it, of course, and I did. I said it was fire. If it annoyed him that I should know and he must ask; that was not my fault; I had no desire to annoy him. After a pause he asked: "How did it come?" Another direct question and it also had to have a direct answer. "I made it." The fire was traveling farther and farther off. He went to the edge of the burned place and stood looking down, and said: "What are these?" "Fire-coals." He picked up one to examine it, but changed his mind and put it down again.
Then he went away. NOTHING interests him. But I was interested. There were ashes, gray and soft and delicate and pretty -I knew what they were at once-. And the embers; I knew the embers, too. I found my apples, and raked them out, and was glad; for I am very young and my appetite is active. But I was disappointed; they were all burst open and spoiled. Spoiled apparently; but it was not so; they were better than raw ones. Fire is beautiful; some day it will be useful, I think.
Friday: I saw him again, for a moment, last Monday at nightfall, but only for a moment. I was hoping he would compliment me for trying to improve the estate, I had meant well and had worked hard. But he was not pleased, and turned away and left me. He was also displeased on another account: I tried once more to persuade him to stop going over the falls. That was because the fire had revealed to me a new passion-quite new-, and distinctly different from love, grief, and those others which I had already discovered-FEAR-. And it is horrible! I wish I had never discovered it; it gives me dark moments, it spoils my happiness, it makes me shiver and tremble and shudder. But I could not persuade him, cus he hasn’t discovered fear yet, and so he could not understand me.
Saturday, November 05, 2005
1- I do disrespect both al muhajabat and not ones; I do disrespect both men and women WHEN they’re disrespecting their big gift of being human beings.
2- I do hate to be disrespected because I don’t wear al-hijab and be called a b**** for being the normal girl I am “not pretending to be someone else whom I’m not!”, while I know “put a number from 1 to 10000” girls who wear hijab and their illusion is as clear as the sun, yet they’re the angels of this society. (That doesn’t mean that there aren’t angels between the rest of almuhajabat), and we’re the demons!
3- We’re wrapped, we’re meant to be followed by this myth that some people created, that the main difference is a piece of clothes…while deep inside is where the real difference is lying.
4- Al-hijab doesn’t protect one woman from being abused when walking down the street, if you’re thinking of protection as a main reason for why do women wear al-hijab. I was informed by one of my best friends, who went to Mecca to do al-3omrah that men were looking at women “who were wearing al khimar!” with desire….yeh at the holy mosque of Prophet Muhammad!!
5- It’s very important, that one should differentiate between what god’s holy book is about, and what those new “du3aat”= religion guiders, may bring to ones mind in a very professional- can’t be refused way of conviction. And don’t forget that we’re living in a world where everything can be sold for money…even people’s inner peace and soul.
6- When you don’t use this piece of shit you carry above your shoulders, that’s when you deserve to go to hell, and for me, it’s very important to test everything myself, and make sure it suites my values before I let anything take its way into my mind, on the other hand, wearing millions of covers means nothing when your mind is turned off.
7- As long as, men think its their right to look at girls with desire and say nasty stuff that makes one shakes, then go home and beat their sisters for listening to dancing music, we’re doing nothing here…and it’s a waste of time to talk about al-hijab….we need some more time I guess…
8- Traditions are something we must consider, it’s not that a woman mustn’t wear al-hijab because her mom does (we unconsciously help old people to cross the street because it’s something we grew up on, to respect the older, should we give up on this because it’s just a tradition?!), no this ain’t the part of tradition that should be repealed, it’s the part when they put in their children’s mind the idea that they’re superior to none-muhajbat.
9- Finally, Einstein’s relativity theory is a good example which proves that we’ll never get along with each other 100%, but again, it’s ok for me to argue with you, but it’s completely refused that you demean me for my own beliefs and values. Meaning; not because I don’t agree with you I must agree with you!!!.as ziad rahabany said in el3a2l zieneh…."سلمى: يعني إذا ما وافقت معك على رأيك، لازم وافق معك على رأيك؟!"
10- One last thing, there are so many un-solved issues we must start talking about to find ways to solve them, I mean while we’re talking about al-hijab, there’s a girl who’s being murdered by her family and still, it’s a crime in the name of honor in law!, there are brothers and sisters who are having sex together because they think nobody’s watching or no one will speak out loud about it, and because these girls still have this “ my brother won’t tell anyone about this!” idea in mind…and yes…there are children who are being raped by their religion teachers at some places!!! Hijab is not that big deal compared to those complicated, but existing, issues, our society is deeply sick…let’s try to wash these rubbishes away, instead of throwing them at each other.
Peace…in. and notice my blog address...
Thursday, November 03, 2005
Eid’s morning: my daddy used to put our “3edieh” under our pillows and kiss us a very sweet kiss thinking that we’re sleeping like angels, and once he closes the door we jump and check our dear pennies…then we follow him to jump on his shoulders and kiss him a sweeter kiss…
Mom...the dearest ever, we used to kiss her forehead, listen to her “mubarakeh” thinking that every single word she’ll say will turn true…
Putting on our new beautiful eid’s clothes was my favorite part, then going to see relatives…even this mission used to cheer us…
Buying candies…and kites…flying them…and flying with them…
Coming back home totally exhausted…sleeping like angels again…
GOD!!! What happened to that lil gurl I used to be?? Where is she?? I know she’s hiding somewhere inside…but it’s fogy in there…lots of clouds preventing her from getting to the surface…I mean daddy did the same thing today, but I didn’t feel his kisses! I went to bed about 4am yesterday…because I’m having troubles and I can’t sleep well these days, so I was sleeping like a pig…I know they say this about food “eating like a pig” but nah…for me it is perfectly ok to use it this way, and finally when I woke up they weren’t home “my parents”…
A mug of Nescafe and a piece of nestle chocolate, instead of the special “tea and Ma’amoul and 3ajweh” breakfast…
Turning on the T.V, because it’s kinda habit, it’s already on al-jazeerah ch, “dom…ta’ah…deijjj…booovvvvvvvvvvvvvv”, if you’re thinking that these are the usual children’s plastic- guns noise…sorry to disappoint you…they’re definitely not!! Thry’re real bombs…blowing ppl in Spain in a second and others in Iraq the next second…
A “Syria” word dropped my attention to the box again… but it’s not the lovely Syrian national and folkloric songs we used to enjoy every eid…no… they’re talking about reconsidering the Syrian issue at the Security Council...
Putting on the clothes…not the new ones…because I don’t have any, we’re buying new clothes all year long… eid’s clothes mean nothing to us anymore, but I can do with my Mickey jeans…
A relative is calling…let that phone rings forever I’m not answering it…relatives mean nothing to me anymore…
I leave home…aimlessly…not being able to buy a smile, money can’t buy one, so I decide to draw a smile on someone’s face…give a poor man every penny I have, and now I have to go home walking…kites are still flying in the sky...but none is mine.
Coming back home exhausted, not physically…but mentally…
Why I can’t push that little gurl to the surface?!
Why did I have to give up on her? I miss her…I need her; I badly need her innocence, purity and carelessness.
I wish I can go back to those days when we slept like angels…
Monday, October 31, 2005
I gathered my pieces and left the library and surprise!! It was raining!! Oh just another sign that I HAVE to blow one last breeze at my day’s blazes before they die, so I took it my way…put my earphones…turned on the machine while walking under the rain…smelling the ground’s special rainy smell, watching how beautiful Lattakia sometimes can be…I can’t write down the questions I carried home after this journey, I forgot half of them. Going with my sister to her “physical therapy” couldn’t make my day much better…going to my guitar lesson was a break… then finally going to one of my school friend’s birthday was really all that I need! GoSh!!! Sitting to people I only meet once a year, and others I don’t even know… “What Are You Doing Here For Heaven’s Sake??!!”…maybe everybody else had fun…but I couldn’t put on a smiley face as usual, though I did when taking photos, the sign this time was “ Screw this day”, so I declared “ Just Another Bad Day Is Over”…I’m writing this while listening to “Sleep”…thinking about my Adam…dear if you’re reading this “ if not, why?!”…
I just want you to know that I spent the last night singing this “Sleep” song to you…hoping you hear me …feel me, though it’s miles between, but it’s only a map thingy as we always believed, and I wanna dedicate it once again to you, I’ll be waiting when this -bad phase- is gone, I just hope it won’t last for too long…because I miss you…and:
Hear your heartbeat Beat a frantic pace
And it's not even seven AM
You're feeling the rush of anguish settling
You cannot help showing them in.
So hurry up then
Or you'll fall behind
and They will take control of you
And you need to heal
The hurt behind your eyes
Fickle words crowding your mind
So…Sleep, sugar, let your dreams flood in,
Like waves of sweet fire, you're safe within.
Sleep, sweetie, let your floods come rushing in,
And carry you over to a new morning
Try as you might You try to give it up
Seems to be holding on fast
It's hand in your hand A shadow over your
A beggar for soul in your face
Still it don't matter
If you won't listen
If you won't let them follow you
You just need to heal
Make good all your lies
Move on and don't look behind
Day after day
Messing with your head
Sleeping in your bed
Messing with your head
Fickle visions Fickle vicious…
Monday, October 24, 2005
A Week After: All the week I tagged around after him and tried to get to know him better. I had to do the talking, because he was shy, but I didn't mind it. He seemed pleased to have me around, and I used the sociable "WE" a good deal, because it seemed to flatter him to be included.
Wednesday: We are getting along very well indeed, now, and getting better and better acquainted. He does not try to avoid me any more, which is a good sign, and shows that he likes to have me with him. That pleases me, and I study to be useful to him in every way I can, so as to increase his regard. During the last day or two I have taken all the work of naming things off his hands, and this has been a great relief to him, cus he has no gift in that line, and he’s very grateful. He can't think of a rational name to save him, but I do not let him see that I am aware of his defect. Whenever a new creature comes along I name it before he has time to expose himself by an awkward silence. In this way I have saved him many embarrassments. I have no defect like this. The minute I set eyes on an animal I know what it is. I don't have to reflect a moment; the right name comes out instantly, just as if it were an inspiration, no doubt it is, cus I am sure I didn’t know it half a minute before. I seem to know just by the shape of the creature and the way it acts, what animal it is. When the dodo came along he thought it was a wildcat, I saw it in his eye. But I saved him. And I was careful not to do it in a way that could hurt his pride. I just spoke up in a quite natural way of pleasing surprise, and not as if I was dreaming of conveying information, and said, "Well, I do declare, if there isn't the dodo!" I explained -without seeming to be explaining-how I know it for a dodo, and although I thought maybe he was a little annoyed that I knew the creature when he didn't, it was quite evident that he admired me. That was very agreeable, and I thought of him more than once with gratification before I slept. How little a thing can make us happy when we feel that we have earned it! Thursday: my first sorrow!! Yesterday he avoided me and seemed to wish I would not talk to him. I could not believe it, and thought there was some mistake, I mean…I loved to be with him, and loved to hear him talk, and so how could it be that he could feel unkind toward me when I had not done anything? But at last it seemed true, so I went away and sat lonely in the place where I first saw him the morning that we were made and I did not know what he was and wasn’t concerned about him; but now it was a sad place, and every little think spoke of him, and my heart was very sore. I did not know why very clearly, it was a new feeling; I had not experienced it before, and it was all a mystery and I could not make it out. But when night came I could not bear the loneliness, and went to the new shelter which he has built, to ask him what I had done that was wrong and how I could mend it and get back his kindness again; but he put me out in the rain, and it was my first sorrow.
Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Saturday: I am almost a whole day old, now. I arrived yesterday, that is as it seems to me. And it must be so, for if there was a day-before-yesterday I was not there when it happened, or I should remember it. It could be, of course, that it did happen, and that I was not noticing. Very well; I will be very watchful now, and if any day-before-yesterdays happen I will make a note of it. It will be best to start right and not let the record get confused, my instinct tells me that these details are going to be important to the historian some day. For I feel like an experiment, I feel exactly like an experiment; it would be impossible for a person to feel more like an experiment than I do, and so I am coming to feel convinced that that is what I AM--an experiment; just an experiment, and nothing more. Then if I am an experiment, am I the whole of it? No, I think not; I think the rest of it is a part of. I am the main part of it, but I think the rest of it has its share in the matter. Is my position assured, or do I have to watch it and take care of it? The latter, perhaps. Some instinct tells me that eternal vigilance is the price of supremacy. [That is a good phrase, I think, for one so young.] Everything looks better today than it did yesterday. In the rush of finishing up yesterday, the mountains were left in a ragged condition, and some of the plains were so cluttered with rubbish and remnants that the aspects were quite distressing. Noble and beautiful works of art should not be subjected to haste; and this majestic new world is indeed a most noble and beautiful work. And certainly marvelously near to being perfect, considering the shortness of the time. There are too many stars in some places and not enough in others, but that can be fixed presently, no doubt. The moon got loose last night, and slid down and fell out of the scheme… a very great loss; it breaks my heart to think of it. There isn't another thing among the ornaments and decorations that is comparable to it for beauty and finish. It should have been fastened better. If we can only get it back again!But of course there is no telling where it went to. And besides, whoever gets it will hide it; I know it because I would do it myself. I believe I can be honest in all other matters, but I already begin to realize that the core and center of my nature is love of the beautiful, a passion for the beautiful, and that it would not be safe to trust me with a moon that belonged to another person and that person didn't know I had it. I could give up a moon that I found in the daytime, because I should be afraid some one was looking; but if I found it in the dark, I am sure I should find some kind of an excuse for not saying anything about it. For I do love moons, they are so pretty and so romantic. I wish we had five or six; I would never go to bed; I should never get tired lying on the moss-bank and looking up at them. Stars are good, too. I wish I could get some to put in my hair. But I suppose I will never... you would be surprised to find how far they are, because they look closer. When they first showed, last night, I tried to knock some down with a pole, but it didn't reach, which astonished me; then I tried clods till I was all tired out, but I never got one. It was because I am left-handed and cannot throw well. Even when I aimed at the one I wasn't after… I couldn't hit it, though I did make some close shots, cus I saw the black blot of the clod sail right into the midst of the golden clusters forty or fifty times, just barely missing them, and if I could have held out a little longer maybe I could have got one. So I cried a little, which was natural, I suppose, for one of my age, and after I rested I got a basket and started for a place on the extreme rim of the circle, where the stars were close to the ground and I could get them with my hands, which would be better, anyway, because I could gather them tenderly then, and not break them. But it was farther than I thought, and at last I had to give it up; I was so tired I couldn't drag my feet another step; and besides, they were sore and hurt me very much. I couldn't get back home; it was too far and turning cold; but I found some tigers and nestled in among them and were most adorably comfortable, and their breath was sweet and pleasant, because they live on strawberries. I had never seen a tiger before, but I knew them in a minute by the stripes.
Today I am getting better ideas about distances. I was so eager to get hold of every pretty thing that I giddily grabbed for it, sometimes when it was too far off, and sometimes when it was but six inches away but seemed a foot…alas!!, with thorns between! I learned a lesson; also I made an axiom, all out of my own head, my very first one; THE SCRATCHED EXPERIMENT SHUNS THE THORN. I think it is a very good one for one so young. I followed the other Experiment around, yesterday afternoon, at a distance, to see what it might be for, if I could. But I was not able to make out. I think it is a man. I had never seen a man before, but it looked like one, and I feel sure that is what it is. I realized that I feel more curiosity about it than about any of the other reptiles. If it is a reptile, and I suppose it is; for it has frowzy hair and blue eyes, and looks like a reptile. It has no hips; it tapers like a carrot; when it stands, it spreads itself apart like a derrick; so I think it is a reptile, though it may be architecture. I was afraid of it at first, and started to run every time it turned around, I thought it was going to chase me; but by and by I found it was only trying to get away, so after that I was not timid any more, but tracked it along, several hours, about twenty yards behind, which made it nervous and unhappy. At last it was a good deal worried, and climbed a tree. I waited a good while, then gave it up and went home. Today the same thing over... I've got it up the tree again.
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
listen to all those BIG titles "Damascus’ spring...Beirut’s spring....Arabian spring”....it’s not a lie as usual this time...but if you’re smart enough you'll know it’s the spring that summer rain brings here...which is...NO spring...it's autumn if you wanna take it like this, all the decisions that are being made and all the promises that are being took are simply summer rain’s...it's always a summer rain in here...
I long for a real rain...the rain that will wipe all this dirt around...…and you know what they say about spring’s special natural perfumes, Well all I can smell is blood….and napalm….but I can smell anger within…. I can see those spring’s rivers but they’re red…
What kind of flowers you’re expecting after such rain?? Nothing but some bloody poisonous flowers…..
So they promise you spring ….and you sell your…everything…your country -the dearest-…your principles...your beliefs…and your soul….spring is worth it…
And suddenly your walking down the life of yours….and it’s raining…a very black heavy rain washes you from top to foot… goodbye to conscious…goodbye to fear….goodbye to your red pure heart welcome to your dark dirty one….
Don’t cry…you asked for a spring…you asked the wrong ppl unfortunately…. Why to cry anyway?? You don’t have to be afraid from this minute on…you don’t have a country to worry about…you’re conscious is dead, you’ve got nothing to lose ….and this is a very painful fact…TO GAIN YOU HAVE TO LOSE this is what life teaches you…but now you lost many things and gained nothing in return….because you are stupid….you are being cheated …you’re being hanged by your own hands…
And no matter how long you wait…..summer rain will never carry spring to you…
So t3eesh w takol 3’ayrha…dear citizen
Btw:it's been along time ha...but it's always my modem's fault...
i'll be back soon...with the rest of Mark Twain's, and the rest of my storm...
Monday, September 26, 2005
A royal order has been declared, we have to work in order to live….
One year later: we named him Kabeel, he’s very similar to us, but the difference in size leads me to think that he’s a new kind of animals, a fish maybe, when I put him in the water he sank down, and she came and got him out, I sill believe he’s a fish, but she will never let me finish my experiments on him, she thinks of him more than she did with other animals before, sometimes she holds the fish in her arms when it starts to complain, and she speaks in a strange harmonic way, and then it stops nagging….
Sunday: she doesn’t work on Sundays, instead, she lies all the time, playing with the fish, and making a silly noise that makes the fish laughs, I’ve never seen a fish that laughs before!! And this is confusing me...Hmmm…
Three months later: the confusion is doubled now; he stopped sleeping on his back and started crawling…
Two months later: he’s continuing to grow up, I’ve never seen a fish that grows up this fast! He’s got a fur on his head now, just like our hair but it’s softer, he cries a lot now, I think he misses his fellows, I wish I can find another animal so that he can feel home!
A month later: I checked his mouth, there’s no danger so far, he’s got only one tooth, and he doesn’t have a tail yet, once there’re more teeth in his mouth, it’s gonna be the right time to knock him out, whether he has a tail or not, he doesn’t need a tail to be dangerous enough!!!!
Four months later: I was hunting in the woods, meanwhile, he learnt to walk alone, he also can say ‘poopa & mooma’, he’s from a new species for sure, and this ‘talk talent’ must be by accident.
Three months later: I was away for hunting, and guess what! I came back to find out that she brought another one, maybe I would have searched the forest for years before I could find this thing…
The very next day: I’ve been comparing the older one to the newer, it’s obvious that they’re the same kind, the older one is more kind, he can laugh and talk as the parrot, I’ll be surprised if I discovered that he’s a new kind of parrots, though I shouldn’t be! Cus so far he’s been everything I can think of, a fish… a bear…, we named the newer one Habeel.
Ten years later: they’re boys; we knew this many years ago, but the small size they came in! Man that was confusing, we weren’t used to such small human beings! Habeel is a good boy, but Kabeel…. Oh I wish he never grew up…
After all this years, I was wrong about Eve, living outside heavens doors with her is much better than living in heaven without her, I used to hate her voice, but now I can’t imagine life without it, god bless the apple that made us closer, and taught me to respect her sweet heart and great soul!!!!
Thursday, September 22, 2005
Monday: this new creature with its long hair is always after me…and I don’t like this because I’m not used to hang out with a company, I want this thing to stay with other animals. It’s windy, and I think we’re gonna witness some rain today… ‘WE’!!!! Where did I get this word from?? Oh I remember now…the new creature uses it.
Wednesday: I built a shelter for me, but couldn’t keep it for myself, the new creature interfered, when I tried to keep it outside, water started to come out the couple of holes it sees with, and it wiped the water with its hands, making a noise just like when some sort of animals make when they’re annoyed. I hope this thing will stop talking soon…it never stops!!!
Saturday: this new creature eats a lot of fruit, we’re certainly gonna be in lack of food soon, WE…again. This thing’s word!! And my word now… cuz I’ve heard it a lot so far!!
Sunday: barley ended… today I saw it trying to get the apples from the banned tree…
Monday: the new creature says its name is Eve, this is ok with me, he says I should call him when I need him, and I told him that was too much for me... He says that he’s not a HE but a SHE, and I don’t really care much about this...all I know is that I want this thing to stay away from me!
Saturday: I ran away last Tuesday, I built a shelter for me somewhere very far, but she found me with the help of a monster she’d like to call a “WOLF”, and she came with the same pathetic noise pouring water from the holes, I had to go back with her, but as soon as I get the chance to run away I will vanish, she keeps thinking about silly things, for example she’s asking why the animals – she calls them tigers and lions- have to eat grass while they have teeth in their mouths, what makes them able to eat each other as she says!!
This is ridiculous!! I mean if they ate each other, then they would have killed each other, and this - as I see- brings what is called DEATH….
Sunday: she fell in the lake last night, while she was looking at her picture in the water!! She always does so…, she didn’t feel well, and that’s why she said she feels sorry for the animals – she calls them FISH – who live there, she’s stupid anyway, she brought some of them and put them on my bed to warm them!! But I’ve noticed that they didn’t seem happier than before maybe more content, I’ll throw them away... I will not sleep with them again in the same bed, because they’re slippery...
Tuesday: she’s into a snake, other animals are happy now, because she was always testing them, I’m happy myself! Cuz this snake can talk…that will give me a break at last!
Friday: she says that the snake told her to try some apples, and that the result will be a great deal of knowledge, I told her that the consequence will be something else, it will only bring DEATH to world, and I think I should have kept my mouth shut, cuz she finally found an answer to the animals’ teeth issue, and that they will be happy if she ate those apples, I told her to stay away from that tree, but she didn’t want to listen, I think we’re gonna have a problem… I’ll just run away…
coming up...what's left of adam's diary and...Eve's diary....
yallah holy crap!!
Tuesday, September 20, 2005
While the wall's height increased,
And when the future cannot be conceived,
When every one is indiscreet,
When you don’t know; do you deceive??
Or you just pray for god so that they conceal??
We used to ask for the truth to be revealed,
But what a big defeat!!
While watching zombies conceit...
In a world where we’re the sheep…
And the shepherds mislead,
I wish someday I’ll be released,
Or you know? From my prison will I mind to sneak!!
And then go somewhere overseas…
I may end up a pioneer,
But in that mysterious sphere,
I guess my storm will proceed,
At least rocks may hear my scream,
And I wish they’re not like they seem,
Behind them I’ll take a seat,
And I wish to them I can speak,
Will they have the answers for my fears??
Deep inside, there’s something I wanna hear;
Let there be peace!
That’s when I can go to sleep,
And for the first time; I won’t be afraid to sneeze,
And my brain cells won’t be squeezed,
Instead, wounds will be healed,
But I’ll have to hide somewhere near,
Because I think; to my sphere they will speed,
With their bad habit and eager to steal,
And watch me while I bleed,
On the rocks they will read;
‘Have a seat please!!
In this place your just queers’
Did you think you can stop the wheel??
Then you must be really weird,
To break our dreams you seek,
But in this world you’re just freaks,
Make a wish before this world you leave,
‘Don’t you think you’re being mean??’
I may be one indeed,
But at least, I didn’t claim to be a dean;
And then looked the girls in leer!
Surround them rocks, don’t be meek!
And when they’re in, never unleash…
Until they no more breathe,
While watching their blood leak,
With you blogmates dear,
I’ll have the toast of succeed,
Oops I spilt my beer…
That’s when I woke up wondering; did I wet my sheet??
Or they’re just my tears??
So was it all a dream??
If so…oh how sweet!
When I hear the noise from the street,
I know that I’m back for real,
And the questions I keep,
Will these dead rules repeal….
Will I ever forgive, the greatest Adam & Eve?!
I think I’ll go back to sleep!!!
Wake me when the 2nd of December is here,
I wanna celebrate my birthday the nineteenth…
Saturday, September 17, 2005
Friday, September 16, 2005
So how does a US president ask for permission to leave the room when the eyes of the world are upon him? Did he put his hand up and ask: "Please, sir, can I go to the toilet?" - to which the answer from the secretary-general, Kofi Annan, should have been: "George, it's not 'can'; it's 'may' I go to the toilet."
Did he decide to sit it out until the bell rang? No, he scribbled a note in class to his secretary of state, Condoleezza Rice, asking for her advice. "I think I MAY NEED A BATHROOM break? Is this possible?" he wrote. But it's still not known whether Mr Bush got his wish, as the White House has refused to comment on the issue.
Another head hangs lowlyChild is slowly takenAnd the violence caused such silenceWho are we mistaken But you see it's not me,
it's not my familyIn your head,
in yourhead they are fighting
With their tanks and their bombs
And their bombs and their guns
In your head in your head,
in your head they are cryin'
In your head Zombie
What's in your head,
in your head Zombie
Another mother's breakin'
heart is taking over
when the violence causes silence
We must be mistaken
It's the same old theme since 1916
In your head,
in your head they're still fightin'
With their tanks and their bombs
And their bombs and their guns
In your head
In your head they are dyin'
In your head,
in your head Zombie
What's in your head,
in your headZombie (by The Cranberries)
Wednesday, September 14, 2005
Day 2: Carlton hotel, wedding party, sucks ….
Day 3: 3 hours of heaven, with the only one I DO care about….beautiful day…
Day 4: Beit Gabri’s restaurant, oriental night….water pipe…. The old city at night….another beautiful day...
Day 5: aimless with my best friend Ali in the oldest city asking everybody about directions...the Happy Land craziness… doing sth I’ll never do again which is playing the scissor game … god!!! Man is stupid…. Bad day in general
Day 6: back home, alone again, crying silently all the way back, missing everything (even me), wondering, crying some more… bad, awful, bleeding …..ewwwwwwwwwwww
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
5 years ago: I was 13…guess I was at 8th grade, kinda hard working student…
And yes…. I remember that day now…..when somebody came over to school and gave us some papers asking – obligating- us to sign them, most of us did…. And I guess none of us even read it…. We were told to do some thing and as cute polite lovely children we did…. No matter what was written in those papers, we SIGNED ….stupid me signed (I didn’t even know what PARTY means - guess I had birthday parties only-), 13 years old children, persuaded to sign some papers…and now it’s the party of TWO Million members!!!!!
1 year ago: BAKALORIA, shocked, a lot of thoughts about religion, politics and a lot of music played all the time, gaining weight, having my first piece of art on my wall….yeh it’s painted by one of my friends and he’s very good, losing friends….making new ones, listening to a lot of spiritual music (Greek music, sound of civilization, samir kwaifaty and many others), drinking a lot of mateh (studying atmosphere) - that leads to a lot of toilet visits-
Tomorrow: I try not to think much about it, I’m -up to the minute- girl …but since tomorrow is Thursday I guess I should say sth about this…because Thursday has been my favorite day for years, it’s the day when my friends and I used to hang out, somehow it became a rule, every Thursday is ours, literary; no parents, no study, no one else but us, I LOVE THRUSDAYS!!
5 snacks I enjoy: cheeseburger, Russian salad, my very special - classified- fruit salad, chocolates, fatoosh.
5 bands & artists I like: The Cranberries, Placebo, Pink Floyd, Ziad Al-rahbany, and Creed.
5 Things I'd do with $100.000.000: spend some on my anti-dentists campaign, take one of these spaceships tour, spend some on books…a lot on musical concerts, and who knows …build my own techno land …
5 places I would run away to: my parents’ village house, Siberia, Paris, Greece, and Malaysia.
5 bad habits I have: messy messy messy, not sleeping in my own bed no matter what…. Cuz I’m awake most of the time, moody enough to behave nasty with whoever when I’m in a bad mood, rushy sometimes, spending most of my time sitting to my P.C, and addicted to water pipe& solitaire card game …boohoo
5 things I like doing: playing my guitar, listening to music, reading, blogging, looking at the sky…
5 things I will never wear: I will never wear NOTHING and go out….. I will refuse wearing our high school uniform again….
5 T.V shows I like: Survivor, 20\20, 60 minutes, Becker, TOM&JERY for sure..
5 people I’d like to meet: Bell Clinton, Liz Marie Prissily, Paulo Koelho, Chris Martine, and Michel Moore.
5 movies I like: The Mona Lisa Smile, Eyes Wide Shut, Till Human Voices Awake Us, American Beauty, Devil’s advocate.
5 biggest joys at the moment: a painful week had just finished , losing weight, playing my first meaningful guitar piece, finally read the Da Vinci Code, Summer is over= hot +moist are over …
-going to the f***ing dentist with my bestfriend, ready to be injected with the TALLEST syringe I’ve ever seen…. Sitting in the so called dentist’s chair but in fact it’s an electric chair!!!
- So my mouth turned into its biggest size ever….. and yehhhhh here he goes… zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz with his weird machine…digging my teeth and telling me (YELLING AT ME) to open my mouth so that he can take out his hand…. I captured it in my mouth and never let go…hehehe…u deserve it ur freaky diggy …
- If those ancients used to need 32 teeth to eat meat…WhY Da HeLl Do We NeEd AlL Of Em while living in the 21st century??!!! what’s wrong with corn flakes and milk ?! ….. do we need those 4 extra teeth…we call em in Arabic “brain teeth” I dunno if it’s the same in English….n I can’t get it why they call em so?? Brain??!!!! They mean brainless from this minute on… and most of the time there’s no spare place for them so they rudely push other teeth and cause a lot of damage….and finally u have to take em off!!!!!! What a Weird progress!!!
- now he’s trying to take off my brain tooth ( and what is left of my brain)…but nah… mission invalid …. It refuses to get out…it’s planted 10 miles deep inside… and there gonna be a battle in my mouth before it declares the surrender ….Hooop it’s out and so are my tears….my face is completely wet , my mouth is somewhere else…and that big tall BRAIN TOOTH is out but….where is it?? It’s lost in his crowded clinic, well it’s a fighter ....
- “now u can go home….don’t eat anything but ice-cream 2day..* yehhhhhhhhhh* me thinking , the pain will stop in a couple of days…*stupid me believed him*”
- my best friend alloush’s smiling ….being a good home guide and answering my daddy when he called, u won’t believe it how mean they are those guys….
Alloush: well yeh he took it off…
Alloush: ahmmm…. Of course she can’t talk, he kinda shut her mouth…
Alloush: see how lucky …couple of weeks of not hearing her voice ….that means heaven in your home for couple of weeks …
Alloush: ok I’ll take care of her….
-*u think this little thing will stop me from talking….ur dreaming…n I’m goona show u real heaven ..* me thinking again….and smiling to Alloush….
- I thought it was over….but heh…it was only the beginning ….. the next couple of days were like hell.. taking a medicine that I’ll never forget its taste, taking another three syringes ….couldn’t sit well….couldn’t eat even that ice-cream ….waking up with my right cheek swollen and looking like a balloon …. Thpeaking *speaking* like this…. I mith *miss* ya honey, I’m alil bit thick* sick*…..and tho *so* on…
- now after a week it still hurts but not that much….. n I have to take off the silks from my mouth but I don’t have the courage to go there again…..
- not being able to blog was my real pain….
- I’m gonna start an anti-dentists campaign….if u wanna join send me an e-mail….
“StOp tHoSe TeRrOrIsTs –DeNtIsTs- FoR tHe SaKe Of HuMaNiTy”
Wednesday, August 17, 2005
Our football team couldn’t win against Brazil because of C.T
Students fail their subjects in our universities because of…..oh yeh C.T
Rafeek Haririe , Samir Kaseer and George Hawi were killed by C.T
We’re still livin within the emergency law because of C.T
We can’t move forward an inch because of C.T
Streets are dirty because of C.T
Ppl can’t find jobs cuz of C.T
No matter what your problem is, …don’t hesitate ..u know who’s to blame…
our dearest Conspiracy Theory….
Everytime ppl talk about it I just can’t help myself laughing, it seems that we’re really under this C.T’s charm, because we’re so weak that we can’t stand in front of the mirror and tell ourselves that …”ok I’ve made a mistake , it’s my fault , I’ll try to fix it cuz I broke it”
No, none of us tried to blame him\her self for doing something bad, we always find a way to runaway from our image in this mirror of facts….and they published this C.T myth , and our society was the good mommy…. Will baby bury the mommy????
Saturday, August 06, 2005
And I really hope that those new ppl can make it to Mauritanian people
I FEEL GOOD!!!!!!!(but alil bit content )
Monday, August 01, 2005
yallah gotta run now
5-The master says: "Close your eyes. Or even with your eyes open, imagine the following scene: a flock of birds on the wing. Now, tell me how many birds you saw: Five? Eleven? Sixteen?" Whatever the response -- and it is difficult for someone to say how many birds were seen -- one thing becomes quite clear in this small experiment. You can imagine a flock of birds, but the number of birds in the flock is beyond your control. Yet the scene was clear, well-defined, exact. There must be an answer to the question. Who was it that determined how many birds should appear in the imagined scene? Not you!
6-The master says: "My dear fellow, I have to tell you something that you perhaps don't know. I have been thinking about how to make this news less difficult to hear -- how to paint it in brighter colors, add to it promises of Paradise, visions of the Absolute, provide esoteric explanations -- but they do not apply. "Take a deep breath, and prepare yourself. I have to be blunt, and I assure you, I am absolutely certain of what I'm telling you. It is an infallible prediction, without any doubt whatsoever. "It's the following: you are going to die”. "It may be tomorrow or fifty years from now, but -- sooner or later --you are going to die. Even if you would rather not. Even if you have other plans. "Think carefully about what you are going to do today. And tomorrow. And with the rest of your life."
c'est la vie......chill out
The poor man was a communist -and still – so he went to jail in the 80’s n never got his FREEDOM -or to say…his MOVING…from the small official jail into the bigger faked one.- back until the year 2000, he was full of hope back in time….and now he’s a …sorry but a lunatic…. I guess he should be one!!!!….after all he was in a Syrian prison n I guess most of u know what that suppose to mean, few days ago I watched the "60 Minutes" show on MBC4, and they were talking about a Syrian immigrant who’s considered a Canadian citizen now, his name is Maher Irar , so he was captured at an American airport and he was charged of being a member of Al-Qaeda …. , anyway despite the lake of evidences , he was sent to…SYRIA…. To be tortured …..cuz “ Syria is famous of its terrifying jail laws and all the Syrian jails are just -A 5 star hotel- and documentaries prove it “ as one of Maher Irar’s lawyers said…… so now we’re famous of something guys…and the whole world knows about it….thanks to MBC4,60 Minutes and Syrian officers at the first place…without ya guys we would have been nerds….so ..so ..so we’re useful somehow…The American fellows can benefit of us , and stupid me I thought we were useless….keep up surprising us Syria …
I think I lost track…I was talking about my relative, after all the problems he had to face, he’s an active net-writer, I’ve heard that he’s writing a book …. Well I wonder if they set him free because they couldn’t afford the medicines’ bills..
Well I guess it’s enough …there’s 1396 political prisoners in the Syrian jails – according to the ( Arab Human Rights Organization…the 2004 report) – and they’re providing them with more and more ppl everyday….
Sunday, July 31, 2005
God..what is wrong with me ??!!
Why I just get lost while heading to nowhere??
N why to feel that I’m gonna bump into someone when “my shadow is the only one who walks beside me”…
Why to feel stuck… when I’m in the middle of..actually nothing?!….
being afraid of nothing!!!!!… expecting something from no one!!!!!
Well hell me….I gotta know….gotta crash into a wall which might wakes me up with swollen red eyes…n bloody face…n broken bones …but into somewhere…..
Yet when I hold my guitar, I feel that notes r taking me somewhere …
n my fears disappear, so I lay away my guitar n go back to my puzzled sphere, taking only shades of white memory of guiding notes, but they slowly evaporate….
adding up my confusions n making me search for both the path n the guitar notes…..
that’s when my angry guitar teacher awakes me…telling me that I should play the scale millions of times as a punishment….
Music of the day: Green Day’s boulevard of broken dreams, Coldplay’s in my place & speed of sound, Pink Floyd’s shine on you crazy diamond….
Saturday, July 30, 2005
1-The disciple approached his master: "For years I have been seeking illumination," he said. "I feel that I am close to achieving it. I need to know what the next step is." "How do you support yourself?" the master asked. "I haven't yet learned how to support myself; my parents help me out. But that is only a detail." "Your next step is to look directly at the sun for half a minute," said the master. And the disciple obeyed. When the half-minute was over, the master asked him to describe the field that surrounded them. "I can't see it. The sun has affected my vision," the disciple said. "A man who seeks only the light, while shirking his responsibilities, will never find illumination. And one who keep his eyes fixed upon the sun ends up blind," was the master's comment.
2-The master said: "When we sense that the time has come for a change, we begin -- unconsciously -- to run the tape again, to view every defeat we have experienced until then. "And, of course, as we grow older, our number of difficult moments grows larger. But, at the same time, experience provides us with better means of overcoming those defeats, and of finding the path that allows us to go forward. We have to play that second tape on our mental VCR, too. "If we only watch the tape of our defeats, we become paralyzed. If we only watch the tape of our successes, we wind up thinking we are wiser than we really are. "We need both of those tapes."
3-The disciple said to his master: "I have spent most of the day thinking about things I should not be thinking about, desiring things I should not desire and making plans I should not be making." The master invited the disciple to take a walk with him through the forest behind his house. Along the way, he pointed to a plant, and asked the disciple if he knew its name. "Belladonna," said the disciple. "It can kill anyone who eats its leaves." "But it cannot kill anyone who simply observes it," said the master.
"Likewise, negative desires can cause no evil if you do not allow yourself to be seduced by them."
2 b continued...
Saturday, July 23, 2005
but this is a weird way of thinking i guess: i believe that there was a positive energy floating around....couldn't u feel it?! n i was asking everyone around (even my grandma) "don't ya feel happy just because)...well most of the pll i asked said "nah....why u'r asking?!", but i guess that it's scintifcially correct, cuz there're all these magnetic fields around, which can be affected by our feelings' radiations, so imagine when "i can't put a number here" but i guess it's more than billion ppl release all this positive energy.....i'm sure u felt it guys...
1- I had the biggest hard disk problem ever n I had to buy a new one, I don’t wanna talk about my 10 Gigas folders I had to give up on, n don’t wanna talk about the death of my very very special n 4 years old music collection…..boohoo….
2- Now I know what it means to look for a job in syria….well I kinda found one but can’t tell so far, but anyway through my JORNEY I had an interview in Damascus n it was really something well without the hottest weather n the most crowded streets ever it would be the coolest city but I couldn’t stand the weather there ….god u feel that u’r a meat loaf which is being heated , anyway I met a special person there n I wanna tell ya iyado thanx for giving a meaning to my visit, cuz everything else went so wrong ,the job interview , the bus trip , the arrival to lattakia ….
3- I started my second guitar course a week ago n that was cheering (it\s maybe the only good stuff in my last couple of weeks)
4- WOW….. I finally got the chance to taste the bitter of failing a subject I mean after 12 years of perfection in studying …. Now I can call my self a human being…I failed a whole subject….n what I like about it is that I’m ok with it…it wasn\t a shock for me.
That’s enough I guess, well I know I should have wrote something about the ONGOING TERROR SHOW but ….i feel it’s gonna be meaningless cuz I’ll be just like those politicians ,u know using the (WE REFUSE, WE’RE AGAINST….ETC…) speeches ….but those who started the war against terrorism , led to what we’re witnessing ,cuz those 1000 terrorists few years ago r 1000000 now n they’re increasing amazingly ,n I don’t think that the war option was the only one..or the best….well I think I said I don’t wanna talk about these stuff….but I was only being me….to all those innocent ppl who were killed last few weeks …..may your souls rest in peace .
Friday, July 01, 2005
Well it is REALLY confusing , or it’s me who’s not getting the point.
But it’s when I watch …almost EVERY single TV channel, or listen to everyone , talking about the EXTRAORDINARY circumstances we live within , n then immediately a question pops into my mind ….what is SO extraordinary about ‘em , it’s always been like this, we haven’t lived an ordinary life since ages , I can think of no time that I’ve lived or read about, which we can call ORDINARY!! So is it another trick to stick to those dead rules and ppl??
Thursday, June 30, 2005
Because we can’t keep on arresting our thoughts anymore, it just makes you feel crazy sitting and watching all the destruction around you without doing anything.
Is it our destiny ?? If so , well I’ve found a way to break it , by standing on the top of a mountain , which is getting higher every day, and actually I don’t like this anymore, it’s a mountain of dust…..soul dust , everyday …or every minute we are being killed, stabbed or destroyed , and every time we get up and walk above our dust …. I think that being on the top of this mountain gave me the chance to see things in a different way , “we don’t claim to be perfect but we’re free” , I believe in the “NOTHING” idea, I figured out that it may be the most peaceful thought in this crowded world , I refuse to be tricked , I want to live my life not for living itself but to prove that I deserve the honor of humanity cuz I don’t believe that life is a game or a journey , like some people want to believe just to explain their fail in life, and start to picture the “other life” in an amazing- illogical way, why to live –anyway- if this is the way things go on?? No it doesn’t make sense to me at least , I have lots of things to achieve in my life , I may not reach all of what I want but at least I would have tried.
Do I live in my own fictional world ?? I don’t think so, I haven’t crossed all the lines yet “I’m working on that” .
Am I dreaming?? I think so, but it’s the only untouchable right left for us, and I ’ll fight to keep it safe.
In our society, there is no chance for creativity , everyone works for him\her benefit only, so we’re killing each other somehow , since I don’t want to be a criminal , I’ll build a “wall” that avoid us from being a part of this murder “not like Pink Floyd’s wall”, that’s why I really like what the genius “Ziad Al-Rahbani” once said: “in this country I don’t wanna change anything, I’m just trying not to give this country the chance to change me, and if this worked …I won’t ask for anything else”.
The winds of changing blew a long time ago , and we missed that. So we have to look forward and stop crying on what we’ve missed, ONE last thing, there’s so much beauty in this world that I don’t want to miss.