Friday, March 27, 2009
Wednesday, January 07, 2009
All For Gaza
there's nothing to say....except that i feel ashamed....of being sad ...
i feel ashamed that it's the only thing i can do.....
i feel ashamed of each one of you dearest people of Gaza....
and that my sadness....is a luxury that i don't deserve....
and that i'm being part of this .....by just sitting, watching, and doing nothing but feeling the immense impotence and oppression.
Woe to us.....people of 21st century!!!
it's the lament of human kind....
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Shelter
How are you?!
Staring at me…she never answers…
If someone touched her
My turtle will hide inside her shell
Where do I myself could hide...
If one.... just called my name?!
Wednesday, November 12, 2008
قلبها علبة ألوان
There's so much beauty in this world....that i can't take.....that i don't wanna miss
Wednesday, October 08, 2008
Squaring the circle
There will always be
A new kind of pain
waiting.
A door that looks just like
any other.
A key that is supposed to
open another.
To knock is simple
To be handed the key……
…and the maze.
The choice…is to open
or to throw.
"A word is dead
When it is said
Some would say.
But only then
It starts to live."
No one’s safe
and the choice must
be made.
Like a tree…
not sure when
it is time to get cut
but sure it will.
The image of the Other side
is just an illusion
till crossing the bridge.
It is certainly… tempting
but the try…!
What is worthy more?!
An illusion becomes not?!
the idea of certainty?!
The womb…
the baby shall break
or else it is dead.
to Suzanne Alaywan
Thursday, July 31, 2008
Sweet Boredom
As usual, my relationship with this blog goes up and down
Explaining adds nothing, the little you read …the little you write…that’s right yazan!
Writing from this corner for the first time, new feelings …new places….faces…and the same messed up me.
Izo is standing over my shoulders watching me writing…ok…gonna be as simple as my life has been for the past few months, no surprise!
this city is changing definitely…lattakia, the poor Mediterranean sleepy forgotten lazy city and the very inspiring, though, one.
In a year…maybe less, things might change. Maybe new life…new city…or even new country.
In a year a whole new start.
At least that’s what I’d like to think.
Years pass really faster than hours…minutes, suddenly I’m a fifth year student!
The pessimistic me raises all the questions…exploring the options, and making pre-decisions.
I’ve been lucky this year, unique experiences, people, circumstances and a relief…the relief that only such laziness I’ve surrendered to would give.
Moments of thrill, passion highness and more…to end up with a conclusion, those moments of “joy” or “happiness” are few, and very short in time. Not that I’m being blackish again… it’s the simple truth, I can’t enjoy anything for more than seconds. Whose mistakes?! I don’t really care.
Only in my mind, I’ve traveled to all the places, figured new spheres, and made up a whole new life…facts.
But I’m still here, sitting to the same table at Izo’s coffee shop, writing my posts using the same laptop, and listening to the same music, drinking the same drink, smoking new White Marlboro. Surrounded by same faces…me…the one who gets bored fast enough…enjoying this repeated picture of reality!! Surprising myself, knowing this feeling won’t last …so just trying to embrace it…hold on to it for the longest time.
Appreciation is the lesson…appreciating people, time and the chance of watching my city becomes not mine.
Giving up that urge to detect mistakes here and there…opening up to all kinds of people.
It feels exactly like stretching your body…on a crowded lattakian beach…giving the sun a chance to reach each part of your weak body…every cell…melting…ready to be shaped into any image…any personality…
New starts freak everybody out. People tend to “appreciate the comforts of every day routine- the security of the familiar, the tranquility of repetition”. I like anybody, share the same feelings. With a little space inside, to unleash my own humble dreams. Knowing that time will come for a change…till then, I’m very proud of this feeling.
Explaining adds nothing, the little you read …the little you write…that’s right yazan!
Writing from this corner for the first time, new feelings …new places….faces…and the same messed up me.
Izo is standing over my shoulders watching me writing…ok…gonna be as simple as my life has been for the past few months, no surprise!
this city is changing definitely…lattakia, the poor Mediterranean sleepy forgotten lazy city and the very inspiring, though, one.
In a year…maybe less, things might change. Maybe new life…new city…or even new country.
In a year a whole new start.
At least that’s what I’d like to think.
Years pass really faster than hours…minutes, suddenly I’m a fifth year student!
The pessimistic me raises all the questions…exploring the options, and making pre-decisions.
I’ve been lucky this year, unique experiences, people, circumstances and a relief…the relief that only such laziness I’ve surrendered to would give.
Moments of thrill, passion highness and more…to end up with a conclusion, those moments of “joy” or “happiness” are few, and very short in time. Not that I’m being blackish again… it’s the simple truth, I can’t enjoy anything for more than seconds. Whose mistakes?! I don’t really care.
Only in my mind, I’ve traveled to all the places, figured new spheres, and made up a whole new life…facts.
But I’m still here, sitting to the same table at Izo’s coffee shop, writing my posts using the same laptop, and listening to the same music, drinking the same drink, smoking new White Marlboro. Surrounded by same faces…me…the one who gets bored fast enough…enjoying this repeated picture of reality!! Surprising myself, knowing this feeling won’t last …so just trying to embrace it…hold on to it for the longest time.
Appreciation is the lesson…appreciating people, time and the chance of watching my city becomes not mine.
Giving up that urge to detect mistakes here and there…opening up to all kinds of people.
It feels exactly like stretching your body…on a crowded lattakian beach…giving the sun a chance to reach each part of your weak body…every cell…melting…ready to be shaped into any image…any personality…
New starts freak everybody out. People tend to “appreciate the comforts of every day routine- the security of the familiar, the tranquility of repetition”. I like anybody, share the same feelings. With a little space inside, to unleash my own humble dreams. Knowing that time will come for a change…till then, I’m very proud of this feeling.
Tuesday, May 06, 2008
Thursday, April 03, 2008
Friday, March 28, 2008
Bob Dylan
for bob dylan's "believers".....this is a must watch.
Dylan didn't want to become the insider.....he's always been an outsider....
I say.....ZOOM OUT PEOPLE!
Saturday, March 22, 2008
On Sin, Love and me
Noise is eating my mind
Need is growing inside
Desperate to go insane
Though I know it’s all in vain
Need is growing inside
Desperate to go insane
Though I know it’s all in vain
Trapped by unreal chains
Surrounded by bullshit and blame
Dead they are….and I’m alive
Strangers to their bodies… pretending that’s right
Deceivers….liars…assholes and whores
Full of sin ….still.. they rule
And the feelings they ignore
Will be there no more
Full of sin ….still.. they rule
And the feelings they ignore
Will be there no more
To break into their minds
To pull them out of their disguise
I am going to…
To pull them out of their disguise
I am going to…
To open their eyes
To yell: beds are sinless …love is sinless
And I’m ready to pay the price
To yell: beds are sinless …love is sinless
And I’m ready to pay the price
Come…let’s shake their cave
Come…let’s prove we’re brave
Come…hold my hand
Come…let’s clean this land
Come…let’s prove we’re brave
Come…hold my hand
Come…let’s clean this land
Of sin….they shall always talk
In hell… their souls must be washed……..
In hell… their souls must be washed……..
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Update
breaking news.....I can smile again :D:D:D:D:D:D....
there's still some weakness in the right side but it's a great step forward ....
one thing i've learnt out of being unable to smile properly.....Smile anyway...no matter how .....just keep up the smile. cheeeeeeessssss
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Not Dark Yet !
it's been two months since i last was here....and two months since i got bell's palsy.
things are getting better health wise....but suck about any other thing u might think of!
i'm having mid-term exams now...and i'm realllllly losing it! i can't understand the way this university functions....! i mean after four years i still can't find out the keywords......and of course my dear university doesn't miss a chance on surprising me with all new:
1- only in Tishreen Univ. students would do their exam in 6 degrees in the winter because.....the AC is very high that noone can reach it and......the remote control is god know whre!!!!
2- only in Tishreen Univ. the exam is cancelled once you've already written your name on the answers' paper because the Dr. was too ill to do his job and noone thought about you so they don't care for a substitute!
3- only in T.U the classroom's door refuses to get unlocked 10 mins before the exam, and they "the T.U's minds...."...can't think of another room until you've already lost 15 mins.
4- only in T.U doctors believe in your highly respected mind that can lead into learning a whole programming language in just 1 hr 30 mins :D:D:D:D:D:D:D.......
and no...it's not dark yet since Bob Dylan's yelling at me that i should "hate nothing at all except hatred".......well dear Bob......"it's not dark yet" but "it's getting there for sure".
things are getting better health wise....but suck about any other thing u might think of!
i'm having mid-term exams now...and i'm realllllly losing it! i can't understand the way this university functions....! i mean after four years i still can't find out the keywords......and of course my dear university doesn't miss a chance on surprising me with all new:
1- only in Tishreen Univ. students would do their exam in 6 degrees in the winter because.....the AC is very high that noone can reach it and......the remote control is god know whre!!!!
2- only in Tishreen Univ. the exam is cancelled once you've already written your name on the answers' paper because the Dr. was too ill to do his job and noone thought about you so they don't care for a substitute!
3- only in T.U the classroom's door refuses to get unlocked 10 mins before the exam, and they "the T.U's minds...."...can't think of another room until you've already lost 15 mins.
4- only in T.U doctors believe in your highly respected mind that can lead into learning a whole programming language in just 1 hr 30 mins :D:D:D:D:D:D:D.......
and no...it's not dark yet since Bob Dylan's yelling at me that i should "hate nothing at all except hatred".......well dear Bob......"it's not dark yet" but "it's getting there for sure".
Thursday, November 22, 2007
Bell's Palsy :(
Doctors said it's a virus……that found its way into my right facial nerve, leaving the right half of my face paralyzed…… they told me it's just a matter of time before I get better…..and I'm stuck in bed……surfing the net (thnx Sam 4 the laptop) …..reading the blogs…..not being able to comment on anything cus blogspot is banned in Syria. What's new? I mean it's ok…..really why are we just yelling and asking the whys'……??? We're just being weirdos asking such questions.
So while everyone is studying…I can't, while everyone is having wine…..I'm taking cortisone!
Staying in bed…..gave me the time to rethink over millions of stuff, million of people crossed my mind…… and my old ways ….the "take it easy" way…and the "see the bright side" way…..are not working…….
What happened to the human in us?! Whenever I think of the way I deal with people compared to this they deal with me….i get confused…..because it's not fair! I gave up on expecting things from people too long ago! But when I got sick……I've expected some "humanity" from those I care about…….and I decided that from this minute on…..i'll ask nothing from noone…..of course there are exceptions……but they're just few……
It's getting clearer for me…… clouds are evaporating little by little…..
Thanks to all who came over, those who called…..those who sent e-mails and messages…… and thanks mom, dad and sisters! Love ya all. I'm sorry for being an ass right now!
Sorry samar and samer for not answering!
So while everyone is studying…I can't, while everyone is having wine…..I'm taking cortisone!
Staying in bed…..gave me the time to rethink over millions of stuff, million of people crossed my mind…… and my old ways ….the "take it easy" way…and the "see the bright side" way…..are not working…….
What happened to the human in us?! Whenever I think of the way I deal with people compared to this they deal with me….i get confused…..because it's not fair! I gave up on expecting things from people too long ago! But when I got sick……I've expected some "humanity" from those I care about…….and I decided that from this minute on…..i'll ask nothing from noone…..of course there are exceptions……but they're just few……
It's getting clearer for me…… clouds are evaporating little by little…..
Thanks to all who came over, those who called…..those who sent e-mails and messages…… and thanks mom, dad and sisters! Love ya all. I'm sorry for being an ass right now!
Sorry samar and samer for not answering!
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
Overrated Bullshit
Disconnection
So you let them in….they take places, and you become them…they become you, you recharge yourself, thinking there must be some place left here or there…..but! You wake up one day….find yourself naked of them all…. Because that was just your mind….creating the overrated concept of “eternal fucking friendships or relationships”.
Yes it must be overrated….because it’s not real….it’s just hallucinations.
And it’s all right, it’s completely fine, cus what matters now is the fact that you know what is it all about when it comes to relationships and all these crap.
I say crap, and I apologize to everyone who had one or more good thing going on under the name “relationship”….but give me a break!
It’s all about words all over again! I mean ….let’s say we’re living in a world where nobody knows what the word “friend” means…..or the word “hate” means….that would just change everything, I say…..let’s drop the words….let’s live it real……let’s be honest…..you’re nothing to me….why? because I don’t accept giving you names…..
I just wanna go for the “human” vocabularies. Just a human- fellow!
But why am I circling around “words and meanings”…..it’s all our fault, we – the current version of humans- just had the guts to destroy a whole set of meaningful words that took our grand grand parents years of creativity and meditation to come up with!
And I see the questions in the eyes of those who used to be titled in my life…..they don’t know what’s going on in my head….and to what level I got of bitterness to just say this!
And the problem is…..how can you explain if you don’t care enough…..and why would you care to explain if you don’t care enough…. Explanation deleted.
“why” is clear for those who knows….and only for those …. I do care, and they’re titled “human” for me.
Yes it must be overrated….because it’s not real….it’s just hallucinations.
And it’s all right, it’s completely fine, cus what matters now is the fact that you know what is it all about when it comes to relationships and all these crap.
I say crap, and I apologize to everyone who had one or more good thing going on under the name “relationship”….but give me a break!
It’s all about words all over again! I mean ….let’s say we’re living in a world where nobody knows what the word “friend” means…..or the word “hate” means….that would just change everything, I say…..let’s drop the words….let’s live it real……let’s be honest…..you’re nothing to me….why? because I don’t accept giving you names…..
I just wanna go for the “human” vocabularies. Just a human- fellow!
But why am I circling around “words and meanings”…..it’s all our fault, we – the current version of humans- just had the guts to destroy a whole set of meaningful words that took our grand grand parents years of creativity and meditation to come up with!
And I see the questions in the eyes of those who used to be titled in my life…..they don’t know what’s going on in my head….and to what level I got of bitterness to just say this!
And the problem is…..how can you explain if you don’t care enough…..and why would you care to explain if you don’t care enough…. Explanation deleted.
“why” is clear for those who knows….and only for those …. I do care, and they’re titled “human” for me.
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Writing wordless!
I’ve been trying to write for as long as I can remember now (due to my fucked up short term memory that could be yesterday…..but never mind)…. first ….I thought I’m not able anymore……, I thought I have lost the will….the ideas, but then, and after sailing too deep into new oceans…….discovering new lands, and exploring everything, after a hand shake….after a song…..after a beautiful….or ugly scene……after waking……. I believe that it’s not the will….nor the ideas, it’s just “words”……they’re dead…….and my whole perspective of almost everything in life has changed.
Not gonna say I’m happier, because I’m not.
Not gonna pretend I’m all right, cus again….I’m not.
Not gonna say I’m in deep shit…..cus I’m not (now).
Nothing is different if I wanna put it in words, but as I said, words are dead this time, so if there’s a difference, words won’t be the way to explain it, and so….you won’t be able to tell, if there’s actually a difference or not!
It’s kinda weird, but I gotta cope with it, it’s new….it’s like a new language , that have been made only for me, and it’s me who’s gonna learn it from its own a to z , like when adam and eve had only a whole planet to explore.
Well, if I’m using images, connected to words, well, the word could mean anything, for each one who reads it, but….only me….because I connected them, will understand the word……
So I’m gonna drop some words, and if telepathically we connected, you’ll understand each and every word I’ll write:
Tishreen Univ. Lattakia. Syria. Pizza. Camel. Pink Floyd. Waking Life. Black. Dirt. Speed. Laziness. Papers. Walls. Q . Bob Dylan . Saad . Yellow. Terabyte. MCSE . Bed. Fiber. Archive. Final Cut. Stone . Beer. Yousef. Social Destruction. 730. Green . Yazan . Idleb . Fair . Syria. Roger . Wikipedia . Damien Rice . Marcil . Nadeem Mohsin . Led Zeppelin . Lighters . Lap-top . Family . $ . Delay . Tennis. 5th of Nov.
8pm . 7 . Syria . Borders . Mountains . CO2. Time. Beats . Rain . Dad.
End. Human. God. Jeans. ………….me.
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Goobye blogspot!
Life can't get any aglier.....this country can't get any worse.......and I'm moving to this new blog , not sure when they will block it anyway!!!
Monday, September 17, 2007
Googlism Everybody!
I thinks the title-link speaks of it all!
Are we all "Googlists".....without even knowing it?!
what's with us? what's with the world?!
http://www.thechurchofgoogle.org
Are we all "Googlists".....without even knowing it?!
what's with us? what's with the world?!
http://www.thechurchofgoogle.org
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
The Sun Is In tune but......
The sun is in tune, but the sun is eclipsed by the moon.
SO! inblogs.net is banned here as well......noway to access our blogs......I'm calling all the syrian bloggers who can reach their blogs to focus on this issue.....we're not able to access our blogs, not even using other sneaking ways! What the hell is goin on with you Syrians??!! '
Are we that dangerous?? i remember writing about my dad and how much i love him! Am i threatening the national security doing this???????????????????????????????????????????????
SO! inblogs.net is banned here as well......noway to access our blogs......I'm calling all the syrian bloggers who can reach their blogs to focus on this issue.....we're not able to access our blogs, not even using other sneaking ways! What the hell is goin on with you Syrians??!! '
Are we that dangerous?? i remember writing about my dad and how much i love him! Am i threatening the national security doing this???????????????????????????????????????????????
Monday, August 27, 2007
Words Of Madness
Everything that has a beginning has an end…..
We live to end….
“from The Matrix”
That’s relatively right, in the light of this beginning, I may start, not sure what end is waiting for me or what start fits the most….
The minute we’ve been given life…the minute we start dying.
Life and death, who has said they’re opposites !
Life and death the perfect match, nothing’s stronger….nothing’s more powerful…for they’re both, controlling us…
“Us” ……human beings…souls….parts of a greater soul.
It all begins with a scream….the scream that will become our
life-mate…….”HEEEEEELP!”
Because we’re weak, because we’re strong.
Because we don’t have the choice, and because we’re the only choice makers!
Because we’re blind ……and the light inside is killing us
The scream will always be there….it’s not yours….it’s the creator’s ….god’s screaming through you….god’s expecting you to help……god’s counting on you…
God’s …the light inside…the darkness outside.
So you’re growing up, exploring a set of strange things, watching blurry images, listening to some special sounds, smelling weird particles and walking endless roads….it’s the universe!
It’s the place you’re gonna spend a period of light they call “LIFE”
A bridge that connects two mysteries.
Don’t try to remember what lies before….for you’re limited.
Don’t try to predict the other side…for you’re limited.
You may have expectations, you may build images…they may give you hints…but remember you’re limited.
The bridge between is yours…it’s you, who you are, were and will or wanna be.
Crawling is all you can do…don’t run …cus you’re sure to fall.
The scream is humming still… your brain cells will try to embrace your scream…to hold it back…to train it.
The scream is never easy to be trained…you’re battle while crossing your own bridge…is this with your scream…
The more it’s louder …the more it’s clearer… the more you’re in peace.
The less you control it…the more you’re free.
Freedom is your aim… freedom shall always be your awaiting destiny.
And only when you’re going after your freedom, you’re actually free, because you’re not meant to be free…you only seek to be.
We live to end….
“from The Matrix”
That’s relatively right, in the light of this beginning, I may start, not sure what end is waiting for me or what start fits the most….
The minute we’ve been given life…the minute we start dying.
Life and death, who has said they’re opposites !
Life and death the perfect match, nothing’s stronger….nothing’s more powerful…for they’re both, controlling us…
“Us” ……human beings…souls….parts of a greater soul.
It all begins with a scream….the scream that will become our
life-mate…….”HEEEEEELP!”
Because we’re weak, because we’re strong.
Because we don’t have the choice, and because we’re the only choice makers!
Because we’re blind ……and the light inside is killing us
The scream will always be there….it’s not yours….it’s the creator’s ….god’s screaming through you….god’s expecting you to help……god’s counting on you…
God’s …the light inside…the darkness outside.
So you’re growing up, exploring a set of strange things, watching blurry images, listening to some special sounds, smelling weird particles and walking endless roads….it’s the universe!
It’s the place you’re gonna spend a period of light they call “LIFE”
A bridge that connects two mysteries.
Don’t try to remember what lies before….for you’re limited.
Don’t try to predict the other side…for you’re limited.
You may have expectations, you may build images…they may give you hints…but remember you’re limited.
The bridge between is yours…it’s you, who you are, were and will or wanna be.
Crawling is all you can do…don’t run …cus you’re sure to fall.
The scream is humming still… your brain cells will try to embrace your scream…to hold it back…to train it.
The scream is never easy to be trained…you’re battle while crossing your own bridge…is this with your scream…
The more it’s louder …the more it’s clearer… the more you’re in peace.
The less you control it…the more you’re free.
Freedom is your aim… freedom shall always be your awaiting destiny.
And only when you’re going after your freedom, you’re actually free, because you’re not meant to be free…you only seek to be.
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
just a BIT late :D
i was just away for a while i guess....but now since i have sometime to write i guess i'll be writing a lot ..... if there's anybody out there who still wanna check my blog ....welcome......sorry for those who used to like this blog and gav up on the idea of reading new stuff on this damn blog.....but honestly..... i was dead!
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