Ziad...ba3dna taybeen 2ollo allah

بالجنوب في ضيعة اسما الخيام...و بالخيام في مدرسة...و بالمدرسة في ألف و ستمية شخص بالحنوب اليوم في برد
و البرد في سقعة، و بالسقعة في مرض من كترة السقعة و بآخر المرض من كترة السقعة في موت إذا ما في مستشفى، و إذا في مستشفى لازم يكون في طبيب، بالجنوب في ضيعة اسما الخيام فيها برد و سقعة و فيها مدرسة فيها ألف و ستمية شخص من الخيام ما عندون بيوت بالخيام، مش ضروري كل واحد من الخيام يكون عندو بيت، فتحوا المدرسة و قعدوا فيها ....ألف و ستمية شخص كانوا قاعدين بالنبعة و برج حمّود و تل زعتر تيشتغلوا ببيروت، من تلاتين سنة هشلوا من الخيام عبيروت و اليوم رجعوا هشلوا من بيروت ع الخيام ، مش هنّي وحدون هشلوا، في ناس عم يهشّلوون و عم يهشّلوون لإلون هنّي ذاتون ....في عصابة الها فروع بكلّ لبنان عم بتهشّلون لإلون هنّي ذاتون ...لاحقتون عالدعسة من مطرح لمطرح مش قادرين يخلصوا منها، بيخلصوا من واحد بيطلعلون واحد تاني، إذا ما طلعلون أكتر من واحد تاني
أول مرّة هشلوا صار اسمون كادحين ، تاني مرّة هشلوا صار اسمون مهجّرين، و بالخيام في مدرسة و فيها ألف و ستمية شخص كادحين و مهجّرين و قاعدين بالصفوف ، و بي و أم وولادون و الجد و القرايب قاعدين بفرد صفّ، لا معون لا زوّادة لا مطواقية لا بطانية و لا كتب و لا دفاتر مجلّدة، ما في استاذ بالمدرسة في برد، و البرد في سقعة.
من زمان ما صرلون يفوتو ع المدرسة و اليوم صرلون بس ما في مين يعلّمون لكن عم يتعلّموا وحدون ....عم يتعلّموا كتير اشيا ، موزّعين بالصفوف كيف ما كان، رجّال عمرو أربعين سنة هوي و عمّو و مرت عمّو مساقبين بصفّ السيرتيفيكا، و بنت عمرا حداعشر سني بيها قتل بالنبعة قاعدة بصفّ البكالوريا......
بالمدرسة بالخيام ما بتفرق الواحد بأي صف صار ، كلّون كبار و صغار معون الشهادة ذاتها، كادحين و مهجّرين .... عاملين ثانوية و تكميلية .... مخلصين كلّ المراحل.... ناجحين بكلّ الصفوف.... معون اختصاص بالتعتير و عم بتشتي الدني بالخيام لأنو بلّش الشتي، بالمدرسة بالخيام في ألف و ستمية شخص و في بَي قاعد هوي و ابنو ع بنك بفرد صفّ، و طالما البَي بيقللوا لابنو يا بيي و الابن بيقللوا لبيو يا بيي صاروا غ فرد بنك و صاروا بفرد صفّ...صاروا بفرد جوع بفرد برد و شتي...بفرد الله و وطن و عيلي و في لوح قدّامون.....
البَي عم يحكي و الصبي عم يكتب ع اللوح، قلّوا يا بيي اكتب تقلّك: كل الدني ضدّنا مش بس اسرائيل، اسرائيل بتعمل غارات علينا...اسرائيل ضدّنا، و البيك بالزمانات كان ضدّنا، حاولنا نتعلّم لغة جديدة...حاولنا نفكّر بغير طريقة، كان لازم نشاورو للبيك...ما شاورناه صار ضدّنا، كان بيسوى نعمل زلمو للبيك ما عملنا و هشلنا ع بيروت، وقت أحمد الأسعد يا بيي هشلنا ع بيروت...كان دور بيروت وقتها، و اليوم اجا كامل الأسعد، رجعنا هشلنا ع الخيام...اجا دور الخيام، و كلّ الدني ضدّنا قيّد.....الطقس ضدّنا و البرد ضدّنا و عم بتشتّي الدني ضدّنا، كفرنا اكتر من مرّة قيّد، كفرنا...و طلعوا رجال الله يقولولنا الجنة و النار يا ولادي، و فال النار معنا و الجنة ضدّنا، يعني الله ضدّنا لأنو مش لازم الإنسان يكفر لو شو ما صار....ايدك مش رح تتعب قد ما نحنا تعبنا قيّد...لأنو بعد بدّي قلّك مين في معنا، في معنا يا بيي، كل القصايد الحزينة و الشعر قصايد كلّها عنّي و عنّك و هاي معنا قيّد، في معنا مليون خطاب عن الجنوب، إذا وزّعوون بيطلع للخيام وحدها شي ميّة ألف خطاب، و إذا وزّعوون ع أهل الخيام بيطلعلي أنا ويّاك شي اربعمية خمسمية خطاب بيكفّونا أنا ويّاك و أمك و أخواتك و بالزيادة، يعني إذا ولّعناهون كلّون بيدفّونا ليلة، في معنا مشاريع...مشاريع كتيرة كلّها لتعمير الجنوب...و الخيام بالجنوب...إذاً هيدي المشلريع معنا...
في معنا خطب الجمعة بكل المساجد...ووعظات الأحد بكلّ الكنايس...معنا كلّ الناس الحزنانين علينا و بس يتذكّروا الجنوب بيتأثّروا...و في كتير منون هالناس، قيّد معنا المهرجانات الحماسية بكلّ السينامات ببيروت...معنا ندوات و صور و إعلانات عن الجنوب...ما معنا بطانية معليش...معنا كلّ الأحزاب التقدميّة و الاشتراكيّة بالعالم عم يدعمونا، قيّد يا بيي ، معنا كل شي في شولرع و ضيَع...ننزل ندور و نشحد فيها رغيف خبز و معنا اجرينا فينا نمشي... و معنا توصيات بالصمود قدّام الإغراءات الاسرائيلية...و لازم نصمد انت بتعرف....بعدين معنا مهلة، معنا وقت كافي تنشوف قديش فينا نضاين بالبرد و بالسقعة و بالجوع، معنا ألف كتاب للصلا تنصلّي و نروح عالجنة....
كلّ هودي معنا و عم بتموت يا بيي؟! ليش عم بتموت؟! غريب انتا و غريب أمرك! طيّب شو بعد بدّك؟؟! في قدّامك هاللوح و مية لوح و المدرسة كلّها لالك...اكتب شو بدّك...ليش عم بتموت؟! ليش عم بتموت مش مفروض تموت...

What About People???!!!!

What about human beings you idiots…… what about the thousands of thousands of people who died and are dying right now?
What about us?
What becomes of me…..what becomes of you?
Is there a place for us in your mind… next to weapons next to blood…next to greed …next to racism …? Is there a place for me?
Is there a place for your own children?
A place for my children meeting yours someday….?
And you holy land…orphaned land….
What have we done to you…..what have we done????????
We became the worst version of human beings….living in the “dirt age”
What’s the WORD in such situation guys? What’s the right FEELING? What’s the right thing to do…..? Does “right” matter anyway? Who can say this is right n this is wrong now…
Whose fault is it? Who’s to blame?
Which voice I should call up from my deep inner silence?
The voice of human says “no more killing….no MORE KILLING”…and it’s killing me, the voice of logic says “it’s now or later…..it’s Lebanon or Syria or…….it’s Hezbollah or whatever the name was…. It’s us and them all over again…. it’s the ever lasting story of the evil and the good….”
And I ….in the middle of this battle….stand and think….. What peace are we talking about? The history is clear….the history is full of lies but it’s pure …. It’s not our land anymore…. Fighting is not our game anymore…. Peace is not a choice anymore …
War is a hell ….The world is a bigger hell…. We are to an end…. We are to an end

MUTE

the place where rehearsals are held(don't try to know where it is...)
Amer on base guitar, and he's so in control of this instrument, but i guess u need some new wires for the amplifier dude....
Ziad's always taking their breathe out...the thrill of playing his additions to a song makes him go where his friends can't but yell "hey man ....." and they all smile and play their own way...each one his own way and all in all Mute's way
Ali' on his ....hmm yeh drums
so tell me....what do u think of this huge drums?
Ziad &Amer
Mute with Damdom

MUTE

(me with Amer, Ziad and Ali)
Wordless I find myself…speechless…
What does it mean to have freewill?
What does it take you to prove, that you’re freewill is really free…
Answers: 1- to have freewill is to form a hard rock\ heavy metal (sometimes), in a city where Ali Aldeek is considered an artist… in a city where you can’t find more than few people who actually listen to real metal…
2- It takes you a hundred Syrian pounds per a month!
Few almost wireless instruments, and the spirit of three talented\hard working guys that lights the dark place, and make the weirdest place in the world where a band can actually practice, seems beautiful on Thursdays…
So as a result…
Mute, the first officially lattakian rock band (as far as I know), have seen the light…
And of course the crazy me who always gets into everything related to music, simply became a friend of the band’s members, after we met at the bus stop :D
Mute was formed two years ago, Sami Zreik “drummer” started the band with Ali Khalil and Maya Mamish on vocals, and of course the very …I’ll call him “yet to be greatest Syrian guitarist” Ziad Khalil… my fave Syrian guitarist…and Mayson on keyboard
After a while Amer Kena’an joined on buss guitar, to complete the first line up, the rehearsing used to take place at the music room at Tishreen University (which after a very short while was closed…because no body benefits of it…and u know how does it work in our country..)
With Maya’s deep voice, the band was ready to perform for the first time in some local restaurant in lattakia, playing some famous cover songs, it was very good as a beginning, and Maya’s voice was awesome!
This was the schedule (don’t remember the right order):
Zombie –the cranberries
Don’t You Cry – Guns N Roses
Creep – Radiohead
Knocking on Heaven’s Door
Gone With the Sin – HIM
Another Brick in the Wall2- Pink Floyd
Come as You Are

The crowd was simply…not a crowd!! Few ppl heard of this concert, so few ppl went, but the reaction was amazing everybody loved the band, and now everyone was waiting to hear from them soon.
But Maya didn’t continue “I don’t know why?” and the lattakian first rock festival was knocking on the doors, and the band was listed in… so a guest vocalist took Maya’s place “unfortunately!” and then was the concert…good concert in general, expect for the vocalist (I delete my first view on the whole concert), at first sight we were thrilled cus you know…lattakian ppl are dying for live shows, and this was the first, so we didn’t really listen! We were actually singing…anyway…we were drunk even by the bad vocalist, cus everything else seemed perfect…

Now that Mayson and Sami left the country for studying, the band is basically keyboardless, and Ali Khalil is the current drummer… but the three of them are on a kind of side-project with another two members of Slumpark Correctional, a hard working thrash metal band from this dead city. I can’t say it’s a side-project, cus Ali is the vocalist in spc, and mute’s members are all spc’s at the same time! Why not…. Due to the lack of talents in lattakia, we’ll have 10 bands with Ziad, Amer and Ali in! as Ziad once said ; )
No matter what I say …I can’t give the “tiny drums” its right…no matter what I say I can’t reflex how it really feels to listen to them practicing… no matter what I say I can’t give them their rights: Take ur hats off for this band guys… they’re –surely- a very unique Syrian band…and we’ll always be proud of you dear friends…
I had some chat with the guys n I asked them few questions:
1- influences:
Amer Kana’an : John Linon, Savatage, Yngwie Malmsteen.
Ziad Khalil: Chris Oliver –Savatage
Ali Khalil: Savatage, (as for vocals- Soulfly’s vocalist “sorry Ali I’m so stupid to remember n I forgot his name”)

2- how do u see the metal scene?
Ziad: good…normal
Ali: Sucks!
Me ( :D) : Sucks…but with u guys in…it’s gonna get better I hope.

Finally I have to mention, that all of the three guys are self-educated musicians. Beware they’re preparing for something…
Till next time…Metal Lives…(more pix to be added soon...as soon as i finish exams....i know that i've abandoned this dear blog for a real while...but i guess i'm coming back...)

Untitled...

Friedrich Nietzsche, how hard it is to write such a name?! well it’s no easier trying to understand this weird- special philosopher, you look around and you just feel “ yeh…that man was right!”, he’s said to be the core of Nazi’s racism theory, but what I got my hands on has nothing to do with racism or politics, it’s religious actually, starting with a simple quote (God is Dead) from his book ( The Gay Science).
Nietzsche wasn’t that simple dropping words just by chances of course, did he mean that Jesus was dead? Nah, not Nietzsche’s style, he didn’t mean that god is dead anyway, he was just giving the honest description of God in people’s hearts nowadays, he’s killed by science and rationalism – as he tends to explain- , he’s aiming one thing, once people accept the “God Is Dead” quote, we’ll have to set new values, more flexible, more up to date morals, and remove all the accepted standards. I just want to mention this is how I thought about this quote, and it doesn’t mean I believe in this, it’s another attempt to enlarge one’s view on another thoughts and beliefs, so here’s the whole story:

Have you not heard of that madman who lit a lantern in the bright morning hours, ran to the market-place, and cried incessantly: "I am looking for God! I am looking for God!" As many of those who did not believe in God were standing together there, he excited considerable laughter. Have you lost him, then? Said one. Did he lose his way like a child? said another. Or is he hiding? Is he afraid of us? Has he gone on a voyage? or emigrated? Thus they shouted and laughed. The madman sprang into their midst and pierced them with his glances. "Where has God gone?" he cried. "I shall tell you. We have killed him - you and I. We are his murderers. But how have we done this? How were we able to drink up the sea? Who gave us the sponge to wipe away the entire horizon? What did we do when we unchained the earth from its sun? Whither is it moving now? Whither are we moving now? Away from all suns? Are we not perpetually falling? Backward, sideward, forward, in all directions? Is there any up or down left? Are we not straying as through an infinite nothing? Do we not feel the breath of empty space? Has it not become colder? Is it not more and more night coming on all the time? Must not lanterns be lit in the morning? Do we not hear anything yet of the noise of the gravediggers who are burying God? Do we not smell anything yet of God's decomposition? Gods too decompose. God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. How shall we, murderers of all murderers, console ourselves? That which was the holiest and mightiest of all that the world has yet possessed has bled to death under our knives. Who will wipe this blood off us? With what water could we purify ourselves? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we need to invent? Is not the greatness of this deed too great for us? Must we not ourselves become gods simply to be worthy of it? There has never been a greater deed; and whosoever shall be born after us - for the sake of this deed he shall be part of a higher history than all history hitherto." Here the madman fell silent and again regarded his listeners; and they too were silent and stared at him in astonishment. At last he threw his lantern to the ground, and it broke and went out. "I have come too early," he said then; "my time has not come yet. The tremendous event is still on its way, still traveling - it has not yet reached the ears of men. Lightning and thunder require time, the light of the stars requires time, deeds require time even after they are done, before they can be seen and heard. This deed is still more distant from them than the distant stars - and yet they have done it themselves." It has been further related that on that same day the madman entered divers churches and there sang a requiem. Led out and quietened, he is said to have retorted each time: "what are these churches now if they are not the tombs and sepulchers of God?"

Belated Solidarity

I’m back, it took me couple of days to explore the big changes at the Syrian bloggers’ blogs, and I must say that I missed a lot, too much have been said, big efforts have been done to clarify what a real Syrian person would have reacted like, in the last couple of months. It was really comforting to know that too many people still have a mind in there, sorry that I didn’t have the chance to share all of these, but I got the new modem just two days ago, the last one is dead (bless thy), and I can say I wasn’t in mood for writing (still in the same mood!) but I felt it’s my duty as a Syrian person above all, and as a blogger to join my voice to you guys, but I have a problem understanding the whole issue; I’ve seen the cartoons, they’re just crap, but still they expressed somebody’s vision! So what?! We go and sue the whole country for that! Remember when Mhlis report took place, we were asking the whole world not to judge a whole country for some punch of lunatics’ mistake, can’t we speared our perspectives a little? Aren’t we contradicting our own words in this situation? Viva freedom, but when it’s everybody’s right! Not only given to certain people, go to the streets yell the hell out of your lungs it’s your right, but that’s when freedom stops, yeh freedom must be limited, cus otherwise people will miss the point and start becoming so aggressive under the word (freedom of expression), especially when they’re new to the whole thing (the freedom word). When Mel Gibson’s film (Passion Of The Christ) was banned in more than 2000 cinemas in USA (the freedom guardian angel), because the Zionists lobby found it too anti-Semite, wasn’t it against what they like to call expression freedom?! I don’t know what are we doing?? Everything seems so messed up and not fitting in its place… Still it’s unquestionable that it was shame to react like animals, don’t they (those so called conservative Muslims) say that the prophet’s image can’t be affected by whatever! Do these cartoons really abuse the prophet’s place in your hearts?? You’re maybe not sure about this even! If you wanna go for a restaurant with more than 7 people, you need permission; still they burnt the Danish embassy with cold blooded hearts while being watched by our great police, and after a while, we listen to the government’s apologies about this! Bullshit! Holey crap… I have to admit that I was moved by the Syrian bloggers’ reaction, and I’m proud to be one of you…peace in…

In Progress...

I’ll start it with Anathema’s Fragile Dreams lyrics:
Today I introduced myself to my own feelings…
In silent agony, after all these years…
They spoke to me, after all these years…

(Note: yesterday is some blurry moments from the past and not particularly yesterday or few days before, and so today is not the future…it’s the current minute…)
Yesterday:
People: I really gave much…took much, cared for much, get involved much, loved much, and wrapped myself to people much, lost many, gained few.
Music: alternative, soft rock, blues, and jazz, some Arabic…
Started guitar lessons…thinking “I’ll be playing these French oldies and my Bryan Adams’ favorites and fayrouze…”
Studying: books’ wormy…
Coffee shops: cherries waterpipe (argheleh) with any kind of coca, diet 7up most of the time…
Clothing: anything that fits me, because I was like 10 kg heavier :D
Parents: really didn’t like them…
Religions: drifted…not getting myself into anywhere asking the questions I couldn’t find their answers at the time…
Policy: protest!!!
Me: confused, killed some inner beasts and fought with some others…bought many smiles…
Eating: ate much much; and I reckon MUCH…of everything…

Today:
People: Numb as I’ve never been before when dealing with ppl no matter how close they used to be, but I’m relieved as I’ve never been…
Cut off the wires that connected me with ppl and prevented me from being in complete peace with myself.
Music: hard rock, metal (Doom, Gothic, Symphonic, Progressive, Black)… reduced my Arabic albums to end up having only Fayrouz’s and Ziad’s and Maghda’s albums. Bye bye bryan adams and oldies, (I’m now dreaming of playing Tarrega’s and Segovia’s and Bach’s great pieces, and thinking “it’s easy now to play electric…let’s give it a try!”), some jazz…
Studying: what??!! Say “studying” in front of me three times and I’m dead! cuz it’s not fair! Wallhi it’s not fair, I mean by what means, I took 24\30 in my programming practical exam, and I haven’t study a shit?? And my friend who helped me getting some points 5 minutes before we get the papers, only had 17!! This is ironic…no more studying! (I didn’t use any indirect ways I swear... ;))…so what do you think?
Coffee shops: grapes’ waterpipe, and only Orange coca…
Clothing: I can wear whatever…lost 10kgs of my extra 14kgs, I’m proud of this! I mean this is an achievement, this is a sign that when I will to do something, it’s done for sure, I can do whatever, I just need to will…
I’m into black stuff more…I like silver accessories.
Parents: proud of them as individuals, thy finally understood the independence I seek in our relation and they’re respecting this, but they drop some advices from time to time, which I appreciate.
Religions: My Humanity First…now and for good…
Policy: “membership means nothing” I’m not baathi…just because a paper says so… I believe in the “Great Syria” concept but I’m not a Syrian Nationalist …, I believe we must separate religion from policy but I’m not communist…but above all; I’m not ready to be tricked again with hypnotizing words and promises, this is the human voice in me, and for the sake of my\others humanity and not by the means of being involved in any political game.
Policy is dirty; this is what my daddy (who was a communist and a fighting one I think!) told me while I was crying…and I mean it CRYING because he said something like “I don’t really think it’s a good idea right now to become a communist dear!”, when I was telling him “I wanna join the party”…I guess I rushed at that time…and he’s right…
Me: I know what I am…trust myself and believe in me…and that’s all I need for the minute .Inner Peace. No more buying smiles…when I’m sad I’m gonna cry the hell out of my pain, and when I’m happy I’m gonna invest the minute…beasts are killed, and CARPE DIEM…
Eating: not into anything but chocolates! I mean I can stay like 5 days and eat nothing but chocolates, and of course a lot of coffee…all kinds of coffee.


Finally people change, but it’s really important to set your mind on some basics that cannot be changed, those concepts or principles or ideas…are the ones about humanity, about you sitting to yourself and feel that you can only tell yourself these stuff…they are just like your thumb lines and DNA…only you have them…this is what it means to be an INDIVIDUAL.

The Hole in The Wall

the Brush has joined the war...
(thanx you Samer 4 the pix)

To HELL!

You lay there, breathing your last breathes, fighting your fatal death, I look at your naked body, and I feel like tearing it into pieces, you were the ugliest! The most stupid, the rudest, and the toughest!
When you came to us, hiding yourself in the shape of a saint…we all asked ya to be our awaiting, for some you were the last hope! And you let them down…
For some you were the stair to heaven, but you knocked them away! Now that nothing’s left of your saint’s robe; I look at you…full of stains and brands, I can see blood on your hands, of course! You were WAR! You were FAMINE! You were DEATH! You were SATAN!
You greedy one! What have you done? How did you bring all these diseases, hurricanes, conspiracies, hatred, and death! Where did you hide them!?
I can remember how happy I was welcoming you! But I was a gullible!
No, nobody’s sorry for your death! But as for me; I won’t be a gullible again! I won’t welcome your sister the same way I did with ya…I’m afraid she won’t be much better, but at least I’m prepared this time…
God damn!!! I hated you!
No “Happy New Year” exchanges this time! It’s gonna be “TO HELL 2005…”

Creeping melodic EXAMS

Now that exams are knocking on my hell’s door, I settle down after going crazy the whole semester, I fight with Gaouse’s theory, at day, and Bissell’s equation at night, well the ironic thing is; after understanding them by myself - that takes you 10 light years!- because I haven’t attend more than couple of lectures in general, I decide with a very powerful will “ next semester I’m not gonna miss a lecture…even the English one…”, well this is my third semester and I’ve decided this twice by now…now how sad is this!
but you know there are multitude stuff which avoid this decision from seeing the light, first there’s sleeping; during the semester you sleep like 12 hours a day and sit to your P.C the rest of your day, this is kinda pay-off for the sleepless days and nights you’ll be witnessing starting from now...
Then there’re your friends, who are just like the loser you are, and you HAVE to hang out with them all the time, and pay every coffee shop in the city a visit.
And yes…you have to learn fishing...so you miss some lectures to do this, you end up being Rami the small fisherman “رامي الصياد الصغير” but don’t hope for more than ten microscopic fish, and don’t forget the donkey and carrot’s theory… “Some guys know what I mean for sure”.
And there’re the cd’s shops that know you very well by now, because you were blessing them with your visits every couple of days…to finally end up with enormous number of cds…and some new friends: D
And finally there’s your family, which you have to fight with; even this…EVEN this is taking a part of your time…
Akhhhh, do you think I’m gonna stick to my decision this time?? I need to study the hell out of these 9 subjects I have this semester…and I’m not gonna be thinking about the next one.
And since I’m a music maniac, I chose my “EXAM’S PLAYLIST” for this year which surprises many, because it’s not the kind students prefer to play…
My 2005-2006 Exams Playlist:
Bon Jovi ‘Two Story Town’ , Coldplay ‘Fix You, Speed Of Sound’
Creed ‘My Sacrifice, Weathered’ , Deep Purple ‘Soldier of Fortune’
Dire Straits ‘Down To The Water Line’ , The Gathering ‘If Then Else’ album
Godsmack ‘Faceless’ album , In Flames ‘Clay Man’ album
Iron Maiden ‘Dream Of Mirrors, Clansman’
Keane ‘Somewhere Only We Know, Everybody’s Changing, Bedshaped’
Led Zeppelin ‘Stairway to heaven’ , Lene Marlin ‘Another day’ album
Lifehouse ‘You and Me, Blind’ Metallica ‘Fade To Black, Mama Said, The Unforgiving І, Until It Sleeps’
Crematory ‘Unspoken, Memory’ , My Dying Bride ‘Like Gods Of The Son’ album
Placebo ‘Special needs’ , Poets Of The Fall ‘ Signs Of Life’ album
Savatage ‘Hounds, When The Crowds Are Gone, Temptation, Mentally Yours, Sarajevo, This Isn’t What We Meant, Not What You See, Ghost In The Ruins, Out On the Streets, I believe, Alone You Breathe, Stare Into The Sun, All That I Bleed, Follow me’
Sentenced ‘The Cold White Light’ album
Theatre Of Tragedy ‘Velvet Darkness They Fear’ album
Travis ‘The Invisible Band’ album, Him ‘The Dark Light’ album
Some of my fave Fayrouz’s

Don’t ask me how the hell I study while listening to these completely different ppl and genres; but I’m used to this I can't do without music!…if you want share your exam’s playlist “if you have one” with me feel free…it’s kinda tag, so I’m tagging:
1- Change Destiny
2- Zena
3- Grayfox
4- MFLS
5- Muhannad
6- Front Pumper

Blood Brothers

For a good while, I thought; “why do we say words like “Arab world, Sister country, we share the same hopes”?”, and I was convinced that all of these are just bullshit and crap. I believed that “together we stand…divided we fall”. Today, and the time is running…preparing ourselves for the unpredictable future of our own, feeling the “unfair” growing into a giant, feeling that we’re alone, that it’s over, doubting the principles we’ve always considered to be our identity… “ The Better Life” coral, came all the way from Egypt…came to pray for their homeland Syria, for Syria is the homeland of everyone, they came to sing “ Keryamaisons…hallelujahs…” and many other holy pieces, in the front row, a sheikh and a priest sat, holding Syrian flags, and hands, they’re singing too… Thank you Egypt, we need this from you, as we need it from all the arab or lemme say the free world’s countries, I know that prays may not stop what is being prepared , and I know that these people can’t do anything about whatever may happen, but they’re doing what their willing to, and that’s what matters…the will… they wanna stand beside their blood-brothers, they wanna say “ God Protect you holy land” they wanna say “ طوبى للذين يدعون إلى السلام لأنهم أبناء الله" Christians and Muslims, Syrians, Egyptians and Americans! They’re raising a word… and words don’t die of what I heard… I feel that I’m walking now with a hand in mine. Thank you Egypt…

Happy Birthday Me!

so what?! i wanna greet myself! and in my way...a very dear poem..and picture

يا طفلي الأول ...
معلمي الأول...
رفيقي الأول...
العام التاسع عشر من عمري...
إني احترمك كأمي...
و لسوف احترمك...
إني أسير في الطريق الذي سلكته...
و لسوف أسير...
رأسي يتدحرج بعيداً ...
و يجلس العام التاسع عشر من عمري...
على حافة سريري...
بين راحتيّ، و يقول لي :
لنتذكر معا أيام شبابنا...
لقد مرت يا عامي التاسع عشر...
تسع سنوات من عمري ...
منذ احرقنا أغصان الصنوبر في الغابة ...
و أنشدنا الأغاني بصوت واحد ...
و نظرنا إلى القمر في الليل ...
أنا لا أزال أغني القصائد ذّاتها ...
فلم تحولني الريح...
إلى ورقة في مهب الريح ...
لقد سقت الريح أمامي ...
و أنت!
يا من تستطيع تحطيم ما لا يحطم...
أنت قادر على التحديق في عيني...
و الضغط على يديّ...
و أنت!
يا من...
أنت وحدك ...
يا طفلي الأول...
معلمي الأول...

رفيقي الأول...
العام التاسع عشر من عمري ............

this is from me to me with love, wishing myself a happy birthday…. This poem is one of my fave. Nazim Hikmat of course… it’s strange how close his words to me! I guess it’s close to everyone… I’ll take another few words I’m in love with…
"If I didn’t burn,
And you didn’t…
And we didn’t…
Who is it…That will enlighten this darkness?"

doesn't sound really optimistic as a new begining right?!

anyway, special thanx to each of: Lujain, Iyas, Ali... you guys are the best! love you, happy to have you in my life for another year... I'm blessed with you guys... and I mean it.

of course thank you my Adam...though you didn't call me...boohoo..tfoo 3aleek.. but I'm even more blessed with you... there's a deep instinct telling me, I'M GONNA ENJOY MY NEW YEAR... god bless you homeland... thank you god for enriching me in different ways the past year, thank you for dropping nice people into my way.... I can't ask for more

sorry if i hurt, bothered, annoyed or acted as a jerk with any of you...hope i've learnd sth from the past year...yallah cheers guys... ...

WHY??!!!

The Truth that We All Know...

truth hurts?! sure it does, but it hurts more when everybody knows the truth...yet everybody's is blinded... What a sun! you see it but you're walking in complete darkness...
here is the truth..
don't panic! try to see the sun...but don't let its light blind you..

Rock On...

Place: lattakia, the Casino.
Time: 6:00 pm, 25\11\2005 .
Event: the very first rock festival in lattakia.
Contributors: Mute, Nu-Clear-Dawn, Black Castle.

So I was there…and almost everyone was there, but everyone means: everyone who really cares for the Syrian rock scene, I mean I went to many other concerts but this one was completely different, there were like 20 security men, it was organized well, and the bands were AWSEMN.
So Mute – the lattakian band- started the show, and they were – for me- the best, regarding the great vocalist and the brilliant guitarist. Guys! This one is much better than the first formed band, where was that guy – the vocalist- !! rock on guys…hope to hear more of you…more than just cover songs…
Then another victorious band…Nu- Clear- Dawn…I’m just PROUD of em, I mean they composed their own music, lyrics…and everything! The vocalist has a problem yeh…but still it’s the very first band to CREATE sth…and not anything, something that reminds you of the golden bands…like Dio, Dream Theater…and you know…
I recommend their EP. Poem Of A Knight.
And finally I was exhausted and so the guys so we couldn’t stay to listen to all of Black Castle’s, but in general they’re instrumental, and very good at this…
So now after that rocky night, I can say that the rock scene now is witnessing an awakening…and it has developed way ahead… proud of you guys…all of you.

Me In Damascus...the pix

those pix i took while i was in damascus couple of months ago...couldn't upload them till now, well it's raining outside now...and i'm thinking..just like the rain is washing this dirty streets...so you can wash all the bad memories...this simple!! I had good times though..

My second round in tag land

thank you iyado for tagging me since ages...but i really didn't have time for this :


Se7en thinks I want\like to do:
Listen to music…all kinds of music, from the greatest classical pieces to the metal of Iron Maiden. From Fayroze to…no to no one…only AND ONLY Fayroze.
Reading.
Writing.
Playing my guitar.
I wanna improve my programming skills without getting bored!
Spending good times with Luji and Alloush my best friends and yeh…of course spend all the time if I could with my Adam.
Sit in my glassy room…while it’s raining out there, write something good…and listen to fayroze’s voice when mixed with the rain drops’ noise on the glass… with a glass of mateh…hehe lattakian!

Se7en things I don’t want/like to do:
I don’t wanna walk between ppl feeling that I’m walking between shadows!
Knowing that I’m being moody and as a result hurt someone.
Watch Arabian music channels.
Waste my time…then look back with a boohoo face on the wasted times!
I hate to be misunderstood.
Losing someone I really care about…
Tiding my closet.

Se7en things I say most often (with explanation):
tfooooooo 3aleek; shame on you, I almost say it all the time...
nashooo7; dirty, when someone does sth you don’t: agree with/like/know about…and all the treason acts…well it’s proudly a DAMDOM’s word…
Boohoo; how sad! With a sad face and accent (I say it because I’ve heard it a lot the past 10 months.)
baseeta baseeta; take it easy…I say it even when a disaster is coming!
What so ever!; I don’t give a shit…
hous ha!; shut up or else, I used it a lot when I was at high school to tease the boys :D
Cool; cool!!! I say it when I don’t wanna talk much about whatever.
Se7en people I would like to pass this tag to:
sold out...only because every body else already did it...

Eve's Diary...the end:

Friday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and today: all without seeing him. It is a long time to be alone; still, it is better to be alone than unwelcome. I HAD to have a company, I was made for it, -I think- so I made friends with the animals. They are just charming, and they have the politest ways; they never look sour, they never let you feel that you are intruding, they smile at you and wag their tail, if they've got one. I think they are perfect gentlemen. All these days we have had such good times, and it hasn't been lonesome for me, ever. Lonesome!
No, I should say not. Why, there's always a swarm of them around-sometimes as much as four or five acres- you can't count them; I have seen a great deal of the world; almost all of it, I think; and so I am the first traveler, and the only one. For comfort I ride a tiger or a leopard, because it is soft and has a round back that fits me, and because they are such pretty animals; but for long distance or for scenery I ride the elephant.The birds and animals are all friendly to each other, and there are no disputes about anything. They all talk, and they all talk to me, but it must be a foreign language, cus I cannot make out a word they say; yet they often understand me when I talk back, particularly the dog and the elephant. It makes me ashamed. It shows that they are brighter than I am!
I have learned a number of things, and am educated, now, but I wasn't at first. I was ignorant at first. Some things you CAN'T find out; but you will never know you can't by guessing and supposing: no, you have to be patient and go on experimenting until you find out that you can't find out. And it is delightful to have it that way; it makes the world so interesting. If there wasn't anything to find out, it would be dull. Even trying to find out and not finding out is just as interesting as trying to find out and finding out, and I don't know but more so. The secret of the water was a treasure until I GOT it; then the excitement all went away, and I recognized a sense of loss. By experiment I know that wood swims, and dry leaves, and feathers, and plenty of other things; therefore by all that cumulative evidence you know that a rock will swim; but you have to put up with simply knowing it, for there isn't any way to prove it -up to now. But I shall find a way- then THAT excitement will go. Such things make me sad; because by and by when I have found out everything there won't be any more excitements, and I do love excitements so! The other night I couldn't sleep for thinking about it. At first I couldn't make out what I was made for, but now I think it was to search out the secrets of this wonderful world and be happy and thank the Giver of it all for devising it. I think there are many things to learn yet--I hope so; and by economizing and not hurrying too fast I think they will last weeks and weeks. I hope so. When you cast up a feather it sails away on the air and goes out of sight; then you throw up a clod and it doesn't. It comes down, every time. I have tried it and tried it, and it is always so. I wonder why it is. Of course it DOESN'T come down, but why should it SEEM to? I suppose it is an optical illusion. I mean, one of them is. I don't know which one. It may be the feather, it may be the clod; I can't prove which it is, I can only demonstrate that one or the other is a fake, and let a person take his choice. By watching, I know that the stars are not going to last. I have seen some of the best ones melt and run down the sky. Since one can melt, they can all melt; since they can all melt, they can all melt the same night. That sorrow will come I know it. I mean to sit up every night and look at them as long as I can keep awake; and I will impress those sparkling fields on my memory, so that by and by when they are taken away I can by my fancy restore those lovely myriads to the black sky and make them sparkle again, and double them by the blur of my tears.

After the Fall: When I look back, the Garden is a dream to me. It was beautiful, surpassingly beautiful, enchantingly beautiful; and now it is lost, and I shall not see it any more. The Garden is lost, but I have found HIM, and am content. He loves me as well as he can; I love him with all the strength of my passionate nature, and this, I think, is proper to my youth and sex. If I ask myself why I love him, I find I do not know, and do not really much care to know. I love certain birds because of their song; but I do not love Adam on account of his singing, no, it is not that; the more he sings the more I do not get reconciled to it. Yet I ask him to sing, because I wish to learn to like everything he is interested in. I am sure I can learn, because at first I could not stand it, but now I can.
It sours the milk, but it doesn't matter; I can get used to that kind of milk. It is not on account of his education that I love him, no, it is not that. He is self-educated, and does really know a multitude of things, but they are not so.
Then why is it that I love him? MERELY BECAUSE HE IS MASCULINE, I think.He is strong and handsome, and I love him for that, and I admire him and am proud of him, but I could love him without those qualities. Yes, I think I love him merely because he is MINE and is MASCULINE. There is no other reason, I suppose.

Forty Years Later :It is my prayer, it is my longing, that we may pass from this life together, a longing which shall never perish from the earth, but shall have place in the heart of every wife that loves, until the end of time; and it shall be called by my name. But if one of us must go first, it is my prayer that it shall be I; for he is strong, I am weak, I am not so necessary to him as he is to me--life without him would not be life; now could I endure it? This prayer is also immortal, and will not cease from being offered up while my race continues. I am the first wife; and in the last wife I shall be repeated. At Eve's Grave….

Dear reader if you’re ( a he or she...it doesn't matter!) reading these final lines…I really thank you for being very patient and I hope you didn’t get bored along the road to the end of this masterpiece…
And I hope you enjoyed it…

Eve's Diary Part3

Sunday: It is pleasant again, now, and I am happy; but those were heavy days; I do not think of them when I can help it. I tried to get him some of those apples, but I cannot learn to throw straight. I failed, but I think the good intention pleased him. They are forbidden, and he says I shall come to harm; but if I came to harm through pleasing him, why shall I care for that harm?

Monday: This morning I told him my name, hoping it would interest him. But he did not care for it. It is strange. If he should tell me his name, I would care. I think it would be pleasanter in my ears than any other sound. He talks very little. Perhaps it is because he is not bright, and is sensitive about it and wishes to conceal it. It is such a pity that he should feel so, for brightness is nothing; it is in the heart where the values lie. I wish I could make him understand that a loving good heart is a treasure, and riches enough, and that without it intellect is poverty. . No, he took no interest in my name. I tried to hide my disappointment, but I suppose I did not succeed. I went away and sat on the moss-bank with my feet in the water. It is where I go when I hunger for companionship, some one to look at, some one to talk to. It is not enough but it is something, and something is better than utter loneliness. It talks when I talk; it is sad when I am sad; it comforts me with its sympathy; it says, "Do not be downhearted, you poor friendless girl; I will be your friend." It IS a good friend to me, and my only one; it is my sister. That first time that she forsook me! "She was all I had, and now she is gone!" In my despair I said, "Break, my heart; I cannot bear my life any more!" and hid my face in my hands, and there was no solace for me. And when I took them away, after a little, there she was again, white and shining and beautiful, and I jumped into her arms! That was perfect happiness; I had known happiness before, but it was not like this, which was ecstasy. I never doubted her afterward.

Tuesday: All the morning I was at work improving the estate; and I purposely kept away from him in the hope that he would get lonely and come. But he did not. At noon I stopped for the day and took my resting by flitting all around with the bees and the butterflies and reveling in the flowers, those beautiful creatures that catch the smile of God out of the sky and preserve it!
He does not care for flowers. He called them rubbish, and thinks it is superior to feel like that. He does not care for me, he does not care for flowers, he does not care for the painted sky, is there anything he does care for!!! except building shelters to coop himself up in from the good clean rain, and thumping the melons, and sampling the grapes, and fingering the fruit on the trees, to see how those properties are coming along? I laid a dry stick on the ground and tried to bore a hole in it with another one, in order to carry out a scheme that I had, and soon I got an awful fright. A thin, transparent line rose out of the hole, and I dropped everything and ran! I thought it was a spirit, and I WAS so frightened! But I looked back, and it was not coming; so I leaned against a rock and rested,then I crept back, alert, watching, and ready to fly if there was occasion; and when I was near, I parted the branches of a rose-bush and peeped through-, but the sprite was gone.I went there, and there was a pinch of delicate pink dust in the hole. I put my finger in, to feel it, and said OUCH! and took it out again. It was a cruel pain. I put my finger in my mouth; and by standing first on one foot and then the other,I presently eased my misery; then I was full of interest, and began to examine. I was curious to know what the pink dust was. Suddenly the name of it occurred to me, though I had never heard of it before. It was FIRE! I was as certain of it as a person could be of anything in the world. So without hesitation I named it the fire. I had created something that didn't exist before; I had added a new thing to the world's uncountable properties; I realized this, and was proud of my achievement, and was going to run and find him and tell him about it, thinking to raise myself in his esteem, but I hesitated, and didn’t do it. No, he would not care for it. He would ask what it was good for, and what could I answer? If it was not GOOD for something, but only beautiful, merely beautiful… So I sighed, and did not go. I mean really, it wasn't good for anything; it could not build a shack, it could not improve melons, it could not hurry a fruit crop; it was useless, it was foolishness and a vanity; he would despise it and say cutting words. But to me it was not despicable; I said, "Oh, you fire, I love you, you dainty pink creature, for you are BEAUTIFUL, and this is enough!" Then I made another axiom out of my head, though it was so nearly like the first one that I was afraid it was only a plagiarism: "THE BURNT EXPERIMENT SHUNS THE FIRE." When I had made a good deal of fire-dust I emptied it into a handful of dry brown grass, intending to carry it home and keep it always and play with it; but the wind struck it and it sprayed up and spat out at me fiercely, so I dropped it and ran. When I looked back the blue spirit was towering up and stretching and rolling away like a cloud, and instantly I thought of the name of it-SMOKE!-though, upon my word, I had never heard of smoke before. Soon brilliant yellow and red flares shot up through the smoke, and I named them in an instant -FLAMES- and I was right, too, though these were the very first flames that had ever been in the world before. They climbed the trees, then flashed splendidly in and out of the vast and increasing volume of smoke, and I had to clap my hands and laugh and dance, it was so new and strange and so wonderful and so beautiful! He came running, and stopped and gazed, and said not a word for many minutes. Then he asked what it was. Ah, it was too bad that he should ask such a direct question. I had to answer it, of course, and I did. I said it was fire. If it annoyed him that I should know and he must ask; that was not my fault; I had no desire to annoy him. After a pause he asked: "How did it come?" Another direct question and it also had to have a direct answer. "I made it." The fire was traveling farther and farther off. He went to the edge of the burned place and stood looking down, and said: "What are these?" "Fire-coals." He picked up one to examine it, but changed his mind and put it down again.
Then he went away. NOTHING interests him. But I was interested. There were ashes, gray and soft and delicate and pretty -I knew what they were at once-. And the embers; I knew the embers, too. I found my apples, and raked them out, and was glad; for I am very young and my appetite is active. But I was disappointed; they were all burst open and spoiled. Spoiled apparently; but it was not so; they were better than raw ones. Fire is beautiful; some day it will be useful, I think.

Friday: I saw him again, for a moment, last Monday at nightfall, but only for a moment. I was hoping he would compliment me for trying to improve the estate, I had meant well and had worked hard. But he was not pleased, and turned away and left me. He was also displeased on another account: I tried once more to persuade him to stop going over the falls. That was because the fire had revealed to me a new passion-quite new-, and distinctly different from love, grief, and those others which I had already discovered-FEAR-. And it is horrible! I wish I had never discovered it; it gives me dark moments, it spoils my happiness, it makes me shiver and tremble and shudder. But I could not persuade him, cus he hasn’t discovered fear yet, and so he could not understand me.

Getting in the talkshow about hijab

I have my say in this too, I was willing to comment yazan , or roba about their own posts, but it was too long for a comment!
1- I do disrespect both al muhajabat and not ones; I do disrespect both men and women WHEN they’re disrespecting their big gift of being human beings.
2- I do hate to be disrespected because I don’t wear al-hijab and be called a b**** for being the normal girl I am “not pretending to be someone else whom I’m not!”, while I know “put a number from 1 to 10000” girls who wear hijab and their illusion is as clear as the sun, yet they’re the angels of this society. (That doesn’t mean that there aren’t angels between the rest of almuhajabat), and we’re the demons!
3- We’re wrapped, we’re meant to be followed by this myth that some people created, that the main difference is a piece of clothes…while deep inside is where the real difference is lying.
4- Al-hijab doesn’t protect one woman from being abused when walking down the street, if you’re thinking of protection as a main reason for why do women wear al-hijab. I was informed by one of my best friends, who went to Mecca to do al-3omrah that men were looking at women “who were wearing al khimar!” with desire….yeh at the holy mosque of Prophet Muhammad!!
5- It’s very important, that one should differentiate between what god’s holy book is about, and what those new “du3aat”= religion guiders, may bring to ones mind in a very professional- can’t be refused way of conviction. And don’t forget that we’re living in a world where everything can be sold for money…even people’s inner peace and soul.
6- When you don’t use this piece of shit you carry above your shoulders, that’s when you deserve to go to hell, and for me, it’s very important to test everything myself, and make sure it suites my values before I let anything take its way into my mind, on the other hand, wearing millions of covers means nothing when your mind is turned off.
7- As long as, men think its their right to look at girls with desire and say nasty stuff that makes one shakes, then go home and beat their sisters for listening to dancing music, we’re doing nothing here…and it’s a waste of time to talk about al-hijab….we need some more time I guess…
8- Traditions are something we must consider, it’s not that a woman mustn’t wear al-hijab because her mom does (we unconsciously help old people to cross the street because it’s something we grew up on, to respect the older, should we give up on this because it’s just a tradition?!), no this ain’t the part of tradition that should be repealed, it’s the part when they put in their children’s mind the idea that they’re superior to none-muhajbat.
9- Finally, Einstein’s relativity theory is a good example which proves that we’ll never get along with each other 100%, but again, it’s ok for me to argue with you, but it’s completely refused that you demean me for my own beliefs and values. Meaning; not because I don’t agree with you I must agree with you!!!.as ziad rahabany said in el3a2l zieneh…."سلمى: يعني إذا ما وافقت معك على رأيك، لازم وافق معك على رأيك؟!"
10- One last thing, there are so many un-solved issues we must start talking about to find ways to solve them, I mean while we’re talking about al-hijab, there’s a girl who’s being murdered by her family and still, it’s a crime in the name of honor in law!, there are brothers and sisters who are having sex together because they think nobody’s watching or no one will speak out loud about it, and because these girls still have this “ my brother won’t tell anyone about this!” idea in mind…and yes…there are children who are being raped by their religion teachers at some places!!! Hijab is not that big deal compared to those complicated, but existing, issues, our society is deeply sick…let’s try to wash these rubbishes away, instead of throwing them at each other.
Peace…in. and notice my blog address...