Slipping off the age…edge

Eid’s morning: my daddy used to put our “3edieh” under our pillows and kiss us a very sweet kiss thinking that we’re sleeping like angels, and once he closes the door we jump and check our dear pennies…then we follow him to jump on his shoulders and kiss him a sweeter kiss…
Mom...the dearest ever, we used to kiss her forehead, listen to her “mubarakeh” thinking that every single word she’ll say will turn true…
Putting on our new beautiful eid’s clothes was my favorite part, then going to see relatives…even this mission used to cheer us…
Buying candies…and kites…flying them…and flying with them…
Coming back home totally exhausted…sleeping like angels again…
GOD!!! What happened to that lil gurl I used to be?? Where is she?? I know she’s hiding somewhere inside…but it’s fogy in there…lots of clouds preventing her from getting to the surface…I mean daddy did the same thing today, but I didn’t feel his kisses! I went to bed about 4am yesterday…because I’m having troubles and I can’t sleep well these days, so I was sleeping like a pig…I know they say this about food “eating like a pig” but nah…for me it is perfectly ok to use it this way, and finally when I woke up they weren’t home “my parents”…
A mug of Nescafe and a piece of nestle chocolate, instead of the special “tea and Ma’amoul and 3ajweh” breakfast…
Turning on the T.V, because it’s kinda habit, it’s already on al-jazeerah ch, “dom…ta’ah…deijjj…booovvvvvvvvvvvvvv”, if you’re thinking that these are the usual children’s plastic- guns noise…sorry to disappoint you…they’re definitely not!! Thry’re real bombs…blowing ppl in Spain in a second and others in Iraq the next second…
A “Syria” word dropped my attention to the box again… but it’s not the lovely Syrian national and folkloric songs we used to enjoy every eid…no… they’re talking about reconsidering the Syrian issue at the Security Council...
Putting on the clothes…not the new ones…because I don’t have any, we’re buying new clothes all year long… eid’s clothes mean nothing to us anymore, but I can do with my Mickey jeans…
A relative is calling…let that phone rings forever I’m not answering it…relatives mean nothing to me anymore…
I leave home…aimlessly…not being able to buy a smile, money can’t buy one, so I decide to draw a smile on someone’s face…give a poor man every penny I have, and now I have to go home walking…kites are still flying in the sky...but none is mine.
Coming back home exhausted, not physically…but mentally…
Why I can’t push that little gurl to the surface?!
Why did I have to give up on her? I miss her…I need her; I badly need her innocence, purity and carelessness.
I wish I can go back to those days when we slept like angels…