The Truth that We All Know...

truth hurts?! sure it does, but it hurts more when everybody knows the truth...yet everybody's is blinded... What a sun! you see it but you're walking in complete darkness...
here is the truth..
don't panic! try to see the sun...but don't let its light blind you..

Rock On...

Place: lattakia, the Casino.
Time: 6:00 pm, 25\11\2005 .
Event: the very first rock festival in lattakia.
Contributors: Mute, Nu-Clear-Dawn, Black Castle.

So I was there…and almost everyone was there, but everyone means: everyone who really cares for the Syrian rock scene, I mean I went to many other concerts but this one was completely different, there were like 20 security men, it was organized well, and the bands were AWSEMN.
So Mute – the lattakian band- started the show, and they were – for me- the best, regarding the great vocalist and the brilliant guitarist. Guys! This one is much better than the first formed band, where was that guy – the vocalist- !! rock on guys…hope to hear more of you…more than just cover songs…
Then another victorious band…Nu- Clear- Dawn…I’m just PROUD of em, I mean they composed their own music, lyrics…and everything! The vocalist has a problem yeh…but still it’s the very first band to CREATE sth…and not anything, something that reminds you of the golden bands…like Dio, Dream Theater…and you know…
I recommend their EP. Poem Of A Knight.
And finally I was exhausted and so the guys so we couldn’t stay to listen to all of Black Castle’s, but in general they’re instrumental, and very good at this…
So now after that rocky night, I can say that the rock scene now is witnessing an awakening…and it has developed way ahead… proud of you guys…all of you.

Me In Damascus...the pix

those pix i took while i was in damascus couple of months ago...couldn't upload them till now, well it's raining outside now...and i'm thinking..just like the rain is washing this dirty streets...so you can wash all the bad memories...this simple!! I had good times though..

My second round in tag land

thank you iyado for tagging me since ages...but i really didn't have time for this :


Se7en thinks I want\like to do:
Listen to music…all kinds of music, from the greatest classical pieces to the metal of Iron Maiden. From Fayroze to…no to no one…only AND ONLY Fayroze.
Reading.
Writing.
Playing my guitar.
I wanna improve my programming skills without getting bored!
Spending good times with Luji and Alloush my best friends and yeh…of course spend all the time if I could with my Adam.
Sit in my glassy room…while it’s raining out there, write something good…and listen to fayroze’s voice when mixed with the rain drops’ noise on the glass… with a glass of mateh…hehe lattakian!

Se7en things I don’t want/like to do:
I don’t wanna walk between ppl feeling that I’m walking between shadows!
Knowing that I’m being moody and as a result hurt someone.
Watch Arabian music channels.
Waste my time…then look back with a boohoo face on the wasted times!
I hate to be misunderstood.
Losing someone I really care about…
Tiding my closet.

Se7en things I say most often (with explanation):
tfooooooo 3aleek; shame on you, I almost say it all the time...
nashooo7; dirty, when someone does sth you don’t: agree with/like/know about…and all the treason acts…well it’s proudly a DAMDOM’s word…
Boohoo; how sad! With a sad face and accent (I say it because I’ve heard it a lot the past 10 months.)
baseeta baseeta; take it easy…I say it even when a disaster is coming!
What so ever!; I don’t give a shit…
hous ha!; shut up or else, I used it a lot when I was at high school to tease the boys :D
Cool; cool!!! I say it when I don’t wanna talk much about whatever.
Se7en people I would like to pass this tag to:
sold out...only because every body else already did it...

Eve's Diary...the end:

Friday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday and today: all without seeing him. It is a long time to be alone; still, it is better to be alone than unwelcome. I HAD to have a company, I was made for it, -I think- so I made friends with the animals. They are just charming, and they have the politest ways; they never look sour, they never let you feel that you are intruding, they smile at you and wag their tail, if they've got one. I think they are perfect gentlemen. All these days we have had such good times, and it hasn't been lonesome for me, ever. Lonesome!
No, I should say not. Why, there's always a swarm of them around-sometimes as much as four or five acres- you can't count them; I have seen a great deal of the world; almost all of it, I think; and so I am the first traveler, and the only one. For comfort I ride a tiger or a leopard, because it is soft and has a round back that fits me, and because they are such pretty animals; but for long distance or for scenery I ride the elephant.The birds and animals are all friendly to each other, and there are no disputes about anything. They all talk, and they all talk to me, but it must be a foreign language, cus I cannot make out a word they say; yet they often understand me when I talk back, particularly the dog and the elephant. It makes me ashamed. It shows that they are brighter than I am!
I have learned a number of things, and am educated, now, but I wasn't at first. I was ignorant at first. Some things you CAN'T find out; but you will never know you can't by guessing and supposing: no, you have to be patient and go on experimenting until you find out that you can't find out. And it is delightful to have it that way; it makes the world so interesting. If there wasn't anything to find out, it would be dull. Even trying to find out and not finding out is just as interesting as trying to find out and finding out, and I don't know but more so. The secret of the water was a treasure until I GOT it; then the excitement all went away, and I recognized a sense of loss. By experiment I know that wood swims, and dry leaves, and feathers, and plenty of other things; therefore by all that cumulative evidence you know that a rock will swim; but you have to put up with simply knowing it, for there isn't any way to prove it -up to now. But I shall find a way- then THAT excitement will go. Such things make me sad; because by and by when I have found out everything there won't be any more excitements, and I do love excitements so! The other night I couldn't sleep for thinking about it. At first I couldn't make out what I was made for, but now I think it was to search out the secrets of this wonderful world and be happy and thank the Giver of it all for devising it. I think there are many things to learn yet--I hope so; and by economizing and not hurrying too fast I think they will last weeks and weeks. I hope so. When you cast up a feather it sails away on the air and goes out of sight; then you throw up a clod and it doesn't. It comes down, every time. I have tried it and tried it, and it is always so. I wonder why it is. Of course it DOESN'T come down, but why should it SEEM to? I suppose it is an optical illusion. I mean, one of them is. I don't know which one. It may be the feather, it may be the clod; I can't prove which it is, I can only demonstrate that one or the other is a fake, and let a person take his choice. By watching, I know that the stars are not going to last. I have seen some of the best ones melt and run down the sky. Since one can melt, they can all melt; since they can all melt, they can all melt the same night. That sorrow will come I know it. I mean to sit up every night and look at them as long as I can keep awake; and I will impress those sparkling fields on my memory, so that by and by when they are taken away I can by my fancy restore those lovely myriads to the black sky and make them sparkle again, and double them by the blur of my tears.

After the Fall: When I look back, the Garden is a dream to me. It was beautiful, surpassingly beautiful, enchantingly beautiful; and now it is lost, and I shall not see it any more. The Garden is lost, but I have found HIM, and am content. He loves me as well as he can; I love him with all the strength of my passionate nature, and this, I think, is proper to my youth and sex. If I ask myself why I love him, I find I do not know, and do not really much care to know. I love certain birds because of their song; but I do not love Adam on account of his singing, no, it is not that; the more he sings the more I do not get reconciled to it. Yet I ask him to sing, because I wish to learn to like everything he is interested in. I am sure I can learn, because at first I could not stand it, but now I can.
It sours the milk, but it doesn't matter; I can get used to that kind of milk. It is not on account of his education that I love him, no, it is not that. He is self-educated, and does really know a multitude of things, but they are not so.
Then why is it that I love him? MERELY BECAUSE HE IS MASCULINE, I think.He is strong and handsome, and I love him for that, and I admire him and am proud of him, but I could love him without those qualities. Yes, I think I love him merely because he is MINE and is MASCULINE. There is no other reason, I suppose.

Forty Years Later :It is my prayer, it is my longing, that we may pass from this life together, a longing which shall never perish from the earth, but shall have place in the heart of every wife that loves, until the end of time; and it shall be called by my name. But if one of us must go first, it is my prayer that it shall be I; for he is strong, I am weak, I am not so necessary to him as he is to me--life without him would not be life; now could I endure it? This prayer is also immortal, and will not cease from being offered up while my race continues. I am the first wife; and in the last wife I shall be repeated. At Eve's Grave….

Dear reader if you’re ( a he or she...it doesn't matter!) reading these final lines…I really thank you for being very patient and I hope you didn’t get bored along the road to the end of this masterpiece…
And I hope you enjoyed it…

Eve's Diary Part3

Sunday: It is pleasant again, now, and I am happy; but those were heavy days; I do not think of them when I can help it. I tried to get him some of those apples, but I cannot learn to throw straight. I failed, but I think the good intention pleased him. They are forbidden, and he says I shall come to harm; but if I came to harm through pleasing him, why shall I care for that harm?

Monday: This morning I told him my name, hoping it would interest him. But he did not care for it. It is strange. If he should tell me his name, I would care. I think it would be pleasanter in my ears than any other sound. He talks very little. Perhaps it is because he is not bright, and is sensitive about it and wishes to conceal it. It is such a pity that he should feel so, for brightness is nothing; it is in the heart where the values lie. I wish I could make him understand that a loving good heart is a treasure, and riches enough, and that without it intellect is poverty. . No, he took no interest in my name. I tried to hide my disappointment, but I suppose I did not succeed. I went away and sat on the moss-bank with my feet in the water. It is where I go when I hunger for companionship, some one to look at, some one to talk to. It is not enough but it is something, and something is better than utter loneliness. It talks when I talk; it is sad when I am sad; it comforts me with its sympathy; it says, "Do not be downhearted, you poor friendless girl; I will be your friend." It IS a good friend to me, and my only one; it is my sister. That first time that she forsook me! "She was all I had, and now she is gone!" In my despair I said, "Break, my heart; I cannot bear my life any more!" and hid my face in my hands, and there was no solace for me. And when I took them away, after a little, there she was again, white and shining and beautiful, and I jumped into her arms! That was perfect happiness; I had known happiness before, but it was not like this, which was ecstasy. I never doubted her afterward.

Tuesday: All the morning I was at work improving the estate; and I purposely kept away from him in the hope that he would get lonely and come. But he did not. At noon I stopped for the day and took my resting by flitting all around with the bees and the butterflies and reveling in the flowers, those beautiful creatures that catch the smile of God out of the sky and preserve it!
He does not care for flowers. He called them rubbish, and thinks it is superior to feel like that. He does not care for me, he does not care for flowers, he does not care for the painted sky, is there anything he does care for!!! except building shelters to coop himself up in from the good clean rain, and thumping the melons, and sampling the grapes, and fingering the fruit on the trees, to see how those properties are coming along? I laid a dry stick on the ground and tried to bore a hole in it with another one, in order to carry out a scheme that I had, and soon I got an awful fright. A thin, transparent line rose out of the hole, and I dropped everything and ran! I thought it was a spirit, and I WAS so frightened! But I looked back, and it was not coming; so I leaned against a rock and rested,then I crept back, alert, watching, and ready to fly if there was occasion; and when I was near, I parted the branches of a rose-bush and peeped through-, but the sprite was gone.I went there, and there was a pinch of delicate pink dust in the hole. I put my finger in, to feel it, and said OUCH! and took it out again. It was a cruel pain. I put my finger in my mouth; and by standing first on one foot and then the other,I presently eased my misery; then I was full of interest, and began to examine. I was curious to know what the pink dust was. Suddenly the name of it occurred to me, though I had never heard of it before. It was FIRE! I was as certain of it as a person could be of anything in the world. So without hesitation I named it the fire. I had created something that didn't exist before; I had added a new thing to the world's uncountable properties; I realized this, and was proud of my achievement, and was going to run and find him and tell him about it, thinking to raise myself in his esteem, but I hesitated, and didn’t do it. No, he would not care for it. He would ask what it was good for, and what could I answer? If it was not GOOD for something, but only beautiful, merely beautiful… So I sighed, and did not go. I mean really, it wasn't good for anything; it could not build a shack, it could not improve melons, it could not hurry a fruit crop; it was useless, it was foolishness and a vanity; he would despise it and say cutting words. But to me it was not despicable; I said, "Oh, you fire, I love you, you dainty pink creature, for you are BEAUTIFUL, and this is enough!" Then I made another axiom out of my head, though it was so nearly like the first one that I was afraid it was only a plagiarism: "THE BURNT EXPERIMENT SHUNS THE FIRE." When I had made a good deal of fire-dust I emptied it into a handful of dry brown grass, intending to carry it home and keep it always and play with it; but the wind struck it and it sprayed up and spat out at me fiercely, so I dropped it and ran. When I looked back the blue spirit was towering up and stretching and rolling away like a cloud, and instantly I thought of the name of it-SMOKE!-though, upon my word, I had never heard of smoke before. Soon brilliant yellow and red flares shot up through the smoke, and I named them in an instant -FLAMES- and I was right, too, though these were the very first flames that had ever been in the world before. They climbed the trees, then flashed splendidly in and out of the vast and increasing volume of smoke, and I had to clap my hands and laugh and dance, it was so new and strange and so wonderful and so beautiful! He came running, and stopped and gazed, and said not a word for many minutes. Then he asked what it was. Ah, it was too bad that he should ask such a direct question. I had to answer it, of course, and I did. I said it was fire. If it annoyed him that I should know and he must ask; that was not my fault; I had no desire to annoy him. After a pause he asked: "How did it come?" Another direct question and it also had to have a direct answer. "I made it." The fire was traveling farther and farther off. He went to the edge of the burned place and stood looking down, and said: "What are these?" "Fire-coals." He picked up one to examine it, but changed his mind and put it down again.
Then he went away. NOTHING interests him. But I was interested. There were ashes, gray and soft and delicate and pretty -I knew what they were at once-. And the embers; I knew the embers, too. I found my apples, and raked them out, and was glad; for I am very young and my appetite is active. But I was disappointed; they were all burst open and spoiled. Spoiled apparently; but it was not so; they were better than raw ones. Fire is beautiful; some day it will be useful, I think.

Friday: I saw him again, for a moment, last Monday at nightfall, but only for a moment. I was hoping he would compliment me for trying to improve the estate, I had meant well and had worked hard. But he was not pleased, and turned away and left me. He was also displeased on another account: I tried once more to persuade him to stop going over the falls. That was because the fire had revealed to me a new passion-quite new-, and distinctly different from love, grief, and those others which I had already discovered-FEAR-. And it is horrible! I wish I had never discovered it; it gives me dark moments, it spoils my happiness, it makes me shiver and tremble and shudder. But I could not persuade him, cus he hasn’t discovered fear yet, and so he could not understand me.

Getting in the talkshow about hijab

I have my say in this too, I was willing to comment yazan , or roba about their own posts, but it was too long for a comment!
1- I do disrespect both al muhajabat and not ones; I do disrespect both men and women WHEN they’re disrespecting their big gift of being human beings.
2- I do hate to be disrespected because I don’t wear al-hijab and be called a b**** for being the normal girl I am “not pretending to be someone else whom I’m not!”, while I know “put a number from 1 to 10000” girls who wear hijab and their illusion is as clear as the sun, yet they’re the angels of this society. (That doesn’t mean that there aren’t angels between the rest of almuhajabat), and we’re the demons!
3- We’re wrapped, we’re meant to be followed by this myth that some people created, that the main difference is a piece of clothes…while deep inside is where the real difference is lying.
4- Al-hijab doesn’t protect one woman from being abused when walking down the street, if you’re thinking of protection as a main reason for why do women wear al-hijab. I was informed by one of my best friends, who went to Mecca to do al-3omrah that men were looking at women “who were wearing al khimar!” with desire….yeh at the holy mosque of Prophet Muhammad!!
5- It’s very important, that one should differentiate between what god’s holy book is about, and what those new “du3aat”= religion guiders, may bring to ones mind in a very professional- can’t be refused way of conviction. And don’t forget that we’re living in a world where everything can be sold for money…even people’s inner peace and soul.
6- When you don’t use this piece of shit you carry above your shoulders, that’s when you deserve to go to hell, and for me, it’s very important to test everything myself, and make sure it suites my values before I let anything take its way into my mind, on the other hand, wearing millions of covers means nothing when your mind is turned off.
7- As long as, men think its their right to look at girls with desire and say nasty stuff that makes one shakes, then go home and beat their sisters for listening to dancing music, we’re doing nothing here…and it’s a waste of time to talk about al-hijab….we need some more time I guess…
8- Traditions are something we must consider, it’s not that a woman mustn’t wear al-hijab because her mom does (we unconsciously help old people to cross the street because it’s something we grew up on, to respect the older, should we give up on this because it’s just a tradition?!), no this ain’t the part of tradition that should be repealed, it’s the part when they put in their children’s mind the idea that they’re superior to none-muhajbat.
9- Finally, Einstein’s relativity theory is a good example which proves that we’ll never get along with each other 100%, but again, it’s ok for me to argue with you, but it’s completely refused that you demean me for my own beliefs and values. Meaning; not because I don’t agree with you I must agree with you!!!.as ziad rahabany said in el3a2l zieneh…."سلمى: يعني إذا ما وافقت معك على رأيك، لازم وافق معك على رأيك؟!"
10- One last thing, there are so many un-solved issues we must start talking about to find ways to solve them, I mean while we’re talking about al-hijab, there’s a girl who’s being murdered by her family and still, it’s a crime in the name of honor in law!, there are brothers and sisters who are having sex together because they think nobody’s watching or no one will speak out loud about it, and because these girls still have this “ my brother won’t tell anyone about this!” idea in mind…and yes…there are children who are being raped by their religion teachers at some places!!! Hijab is not that big deal compared to those complicated, but existing, issues, our society is deeply sick…let’s try to wash these rubbishes away, instead of throwing them at each other.
Peace…in. and notice my blog address...

Slipping off the age…edge

Eid’s morning: my daddy used to put our “3edieh” under our pillows and kiss us a very sweet kiss thinking that we’re sleeping like angels, and once he closes the door we jump and check our dear pennies…then we follow him to jump on his shoulders and kiss him a sweeter kiss…
Mom...the dearest ever, we used to kiss her forehead, listen to her “mubarakeh” thinking that every single word she’ll say will turn true…
Putting on our new beautiful eid’s clothes was my favorite part, then going to see relatives…even this mission used to cheer us…
Buying candies…and kites…flying them…and flying with them…
Coming back home totally exhausted…sleeping like angels again…
GOD!!! What happened to that lil gurl I used to be?? Where is she?? I know she’s hiding somewhere inside…but it’s fogy in there…lots of clouds preventing her from getting to the surface…I mean daddy did the same thing today, but I didn’t feel his kisses! I went to bed about 4am yesterday…because I’m having troubles and I can’t sleep well these days, so I was sleeping like a pig…I know they say this about food “eating like a pig” but nah…for me it is perfectly ok to use it this way, and finally when I woke up they weren’t home “my parents”…
A mug of Nescafe and a piece of nestle chocolate, instead of the special “tea and Ma’amoul and 3ajweh” breakfast…
Turning on the T.V, because it’s kinda habit, it’s already on al-jazeerah ch, “dom…ta’ah…deijjj…booovvvvvvvvvvvvvv”, if you’re thinking that these are the usual children’s plastic- guns noise…sorry to disappoint you…they’re definitely not!! Thry’re real bombs…blowing ppl in Spain in a second and others in Iraq the next second…
A “Syria” word dropped my attention to the box again… but it’s not the lovely Syrian national and folkloric songs we used to enjoy every eid…no… they’re talking about reconsidering the Syrian issue at the Security Council...
Putting on the clothes…not the new ones…because I don’t have any, we’re buying new clothes all year long… eid’s clothes mean nothing to us anymore, but I can do with my Mickey jeans…
A relative is calling…let that phone rings forever I’m not answering it…relatives mean nothing to me anymore…
I leave home…aimlessly…not being able to buy a smile, money can’t buy one, so I decide to draw a smile on someone’s face…give a poor man every penny I have, and now I have to go home walking…kites are still flying in the sky...but none is mine.
Coming back home exhausted, not physically…but mentally…
Why I can’t push that little gurl to the surface?!
Why did I have to give up on her? I miss her…I need her; I badly need her innocence, purity and carelessness.
I wish I can go back to those days when we slept like angels…