In Progress...

I’ll start it with Anathema’s Fragile Dreams lyrics:
Today I introduced myself to my own feelings…
In silent agony, after all these years…
They spoke to me, after all these years…

(Note: yesterday is some blurry moments from the past and not particularly yesterday or few days before, and so today is not the future…it’s the current minute…)
Yesterday:
People: I really gave much…took much, cared for much, get involved much, loved much, and wrapped myself to people much, lost many, gained few.
Music: alternative, soft rock, blues, and jazz, some Arabic…
Started guitar lessons…thinking “I’ll be playing these French oldies and my Bryan Adams’ favorites and fayrouze…”
Studying: books’ wormy…
Coffee shops: cherries waterpipe (argheleh) with any kind of coca, diet 7up most of the time…
Clothing: anything that fits me, because I was like 10 kg heavier :D
Parents: really didn’t like them…
Religions: drifted…not getting myself into anywhere asking the questions I couldn’t find their answers at the time…
Policy: protest!!!
Me: confused, killed some inner beasts and fought with some others…bought many smiles…
Eating: ate much much; and I reckon MUCH…of everything…

Today:
People: Numb as I’ve never been before when dealing with ppl no matter how close they used to be, but I’m relieved as I’ve never been…
Cut off the wires that connected me with ppl and prevented me from being in complete peace with myself.
Music: hard rock, metal (Doom, Gothic, Symphonic, Progressive, Black)… reduced my Arabic albums to end up having only Fayrouz’s and Ziad’s and Maghda’s albums. Bye bye bryan adams and oldies, (I’m now dreaming of playing Tarrega’s and Segovia’s and Bach’s great pieces, and thinking “it’s easy now to play electric…let’s give it a try!”), some jazz…
Studying: what??!! Say “studying” in front of me three times and I’m dead! cuz it’s not fair! Wallhi it’s not fair, I mean by what means, I took 24\30 in my programming practical exam, and I haven’t study a shit?? And my friend who helped me getting some points 5 minutes before we get the papers, only had 17!! This is ironic…no more studying! (I didn’t use any indirect ways I swear... ;))…so what do you think?
Coffee shops: grapes’ waterpipe, and only Orange coca…
Clothing: I can wear whatever…lost 10kgs of my extra 14kgs, I’m proud of this! I mean this is an achievement, this is a sign that when I will to do something, it’s done for sure, I can do whatever, I just need to will…
I’m into black stuff more…I like silver accessories.
Parents: proud of them as individuals, thy finally understood the independence I seek in our relation and they’re respecting this, but they drop some advices from time to time, which I appreciate.
Religions: My Humanity First…now and for good…
Policy: “membership means nothing” I’m not baathi…just because a paper says so… I believe in the “Great Syria” concept but I’m not a Syrian Nationalist …, I believe we must separate religion from policy but I’m not communist…but above all; I’m not ready to be tricked again with hypnotizing words and promises, this is the human voice in me, and for the sake of my\others humanity and not by the means of being involved in any political game.
Policy is dirty; this is what my daddy (who was a communist and a fighting one I think!) told me while I was crying…and I mean it CRYING because he said something like “I don’t really think it’s a good idea right now to become a communist dear!”, when I was telling him “I wanna join the party”…I guess I rushed at that time…and he’s right…
Me: I know what I am…trust myself and believe in me…and that’s all I need for the minute .Inner Peace. No more buying smiles…when I’m sad I’m gonna cry the hell out of my pain, and when I’m happy I’m gonna invest the minute…beasts are killed, and CARPE DIEM…
Eating: not into anything but chocolates! I mean I can stay like 5 days and eat nothing but chocolates, and of course a lot of coffee…all kinds of coffee.


Finally people change, but it’s really important to set your mind on some basics that cannot be changed, those concepts or principles or ideas…are the ones about humanity, about you sitting to yourself and feel that you can only tell yourself these stuff…they are just like your thumb lines and DNA…only you have them…this is what it means to be an INDIVIDUAL.

The Hole in The Wall

the Brush has joined the war...
(thanx you Samer 4 the pix)