Men Of My Life - The Fact

For you… for the only person I’m sure he’ll be there to say “happy 60th birthday” for me if I made it through life….
For the person I get along with the most….and I contradict with at the same time, the person that I share with 90% of my memory since I began to see differences …since I became different…since we became different….
The only human being on earth and all the planets who I can call to come over and get bored together…. Hours of deep conversations….hours of water pipes…hours of saying nothing but complete bull-shit….hours of sharing silence …. Hours of wandering aimlessly through the city of ours! Hours of dreaming…..
For you….cus you became a fact in my life…like eye blinking….ur there in my life….standing still, no “moody storms” could change ur position….no life bricks ….no people’s lies …..no parents’ doubled faces ….nothing….not policy….nor our boy\girl friends can change us cus we’re a fact.
The extreme’s mate I’ll call u, my smoking mate, my drinking mate, water pipe mate, every single food u can think of –mate , scissors game’s craziness mate, msab7a mate (that goes under “food” but it’s too special …so u know!)
My – f*** all - phrase mate, my Fayrose- addiction mate…. My ‘ego’ mate….
For all the success we shared …for all the failure
For all the happy moments….and the worst ones….
For all the times we said nothing about us….for all the times I got frustrated when noticing that you’re the only thing am sure of in my life…..
People will never understand…people will never know …people will always be too far…but again “who cares!”
People will always think we’re “something” as they say…and yes we are something….at least we’re not nothings….we’re something they fear….we’re them but in the image they can never see in mirrors…. Cus again they fear it but deep inside they like it! They’ll always be jealous! They’ll always be there to eye us….to whisper about us….and we …hehehehe we give a shit!
For the dearest ever….for the all times mate….for you alloush …I do love you….it’s simple….it’s pure ! It’s 8 years so far…and many many years to come….. for my only and only best friend or whatever….. I do love you.

A Doomed Memory

It’s the story of dawn
A dawn that carried lights
Dawn was always her favorite part
Uniting with the silence

A black orchid that has grown
with misery replaced her delight
and she has said a farewell to her heart
for a blink…. She was lifeless

a freewill against centuries of dead-living laws
her freewill….and all of people’s lies
and so it was…. bloody Nazi scars
filled her arm…and her emptiness

what waits for her in the unknown
reflected in her dark eyes
too many ….too many tracks
all blur, and the end is limitless

Why on her arm she’s to mourn…
When her soul in the underworld flies
Writing down her tragedy with the stars
Knowing one thing….her pain is endless

Unscathed….to see her bones
And when the salty…crimson liquid dries
Her soul comes back….join her again…and she’s finally calm!
She’s in peace with her darkness

Men Of My Life- The First

For you….the first man in my life… first love…. First male in my life
You were the beginning …
I’m here because of you and your way I walk …
You are my blood…you are my ideal
I became me just because you were you…not anyone else on this planet…
And you people…he “first man in my life” loves you more than u can imagine….more than you deserve … and I was so lucky!
I was lucky cus simply he loves me more….
You “people” were his obsession,
letting some light in was his dream…
making some changes was his goal….
awaking you was what he worked so hard on…
And only for you he suffered,
and all of you …after all he did for you…
all of you called him an “idiot” …yes…
you think everyone who’s not self-centered is an idiot nowadays..
And he was stupid why? Because he refused to be a sheep …
he didn’t want to be like you, and not only that he was trying to make you believe that all of you must refuse this too…
he had to give up on you, when he finally was convinced that you’re sleeping till the end of time.
he couldn’t give anymore….he gave another “disaster” to this world …just an idiot like himself…he gave birth to me……
for you daddy…cus I wanna be an idiot like ppl once called you….
if this is what it takes me to be like you….
I love you
I thank you for making the right choice at the right time….you’re my creator…my only real home…
I’m in love with your dark side just as I love your pure-deep side....
I love the father ….the repel… the human… the giver… the founder… the prisoner… the writer… the hopeful... the pessimistic… the loser the winner…the fat.... the blonde you.
I feel like I have limitless power to face everyone cus I know ur right behind me…. Giving me faith…. Lighten some sides that I’m not able yet to see…. Giving me the free will… asking me to set myself free…to adore my free will….to spread this free will around…..
Dad….I do love you.

Ziad...ba3dna taybeen 2ollo allah

بالجنوب في ضيعة اسما الخيام...و بالخيام في مدرسة...و بالمدرسة في ألف و ستمية شخص بالحنوب اليوم في برد
و البرد في سقعة، و بالسقعة في مرض من كترة السقعة و بآخر المرض من كترة السقعة في موت إذا ما في مستشفى، و إذا في مستشفى لازم يكون في طبيب، بالجنوب في ضيعة اسما الخيام فيها برد و سقعة و فيها مدرسة فيها ألف و ستمية شخص من الخيام ما عندون بيوت بالخيام، مش ضروري كل واحد من الخيام يكون عندو بيت، فتحوا المدرسة و قعدوا فيها ....ألف و ستمية شخص كانوا قاعدين بالنبعة و برج حمّود و تل زعتر تيشتغلوا ببيروت، من تلاتين سنة هشلوا من الخيام عبيروت و اليوم رجعوا هشلوا من بيروت ع الخيام ، مش هنّي وحدون هشلوا، في ناس عم يهشّلوون و عم يهشّلوون لإلون هنّي ذاتون ....في عصابة الها فروع بكلّ لبنان عم بتهشّلون لإلون هنّي ذاتون ...لاحقتون عالدعسة من مطرح لمطرح مش قادرين يخلصوا منها، بيخلصوا من واحد بيطلعلون واحد تاني، إذا ما طلعلون أكتر من واحد تاني
أول مرّة هشلوا صار اسمون كادحين ، تاني مرّة هشلوا صار اسمون مهجّرين، و بالخيام في مدرسة و فيها ألف و ستمية شخص كادحين و مهجّرين و قاعدين بالصفوف ، و بي و أم وولادون و الجد و القرايب قاعدين بفرد صفّ، لا معون لا زوّادة لا مطواقية لا بطانية و لا كتب و لا دفاتر مجلّدة، ما في استاذ بالمدرسة في برد، و البرد في سقعة.
من زمان ما صرلون يفوتو ع المدرسة و اليوم صرلون بس ما في مين يعلّمون لكن عم يتعلّموا وحدون ....عم يتعلّموا كتير اشيا ، موزّعين بالصفوف كيف ما كان، رجّال عمرو أربعين سنة هوي و عمّو و مرت عمّو مساقبين بصفّ السيرتيفيكا، و بنت عمرا حداعشر سني بيها قتل بالنبعة قاعدة بصفّ البكالوريا......
بالمدرسة بالخيام ما بتفرق الواحد بأي صف صار ، كلّون كبار و صغار معون الشهادة ذاتها، كادحين و مهجّرين .... عاملين ثانوية و تكميلية .... مخلصين كلّ المراحل.... ناجحين بكلّ الصفوف.... معون اختصاص بالتعتير و عم بتشتي الدني بالخيام لأنو بلّش الشتي، بالمدرسة بالخيام في ألف و ستمية شخص و في بَي قاعد هوي و ابنو ع بنك بفرد صفّ، و طالما البَي بيقللوا لابنو يا بيي و الابن بيقللوا لبيو يا بيي صاروا غ فرد بنك و صاروا بفرد صفّ...صاروا بفرد جوع بفرد برد و شتي...بفرد الله و وطن و عيلي و في لوح قدّامون.....
البَي عم يحكي و الصبي عم يكتب ع اللوح، قلّوا يا بيي اكتب تقلّك: كل الدني ضدّنا مش بس اسرائيل، اسرائيل بتعمل غارات علينا...اسرائيل ضدّنا، و البيك بالزمانات كان ضدّنا، حاولنا نتعلّم لغة جديدة...حاولنا نفكّر بغير طريقة، كان لازم نشاورو للبيك...ما شاورناه صار ضدّنا، كان بيسوى نعمل زلمو للبيك ما عملنا و هشلنا ع بيروت، وقت أحمد الأسعد يا بيي هشلنا ع بيروت...كان دور بيروت وقتها، و اليوم اجا كامل الأسعد، رجعنا هشلنا ع الخيام...اجا دور الخيام، و كلّ الدني ضدّنا قيّد.....الطقس ضدّنا و البرد ضدّنا و عم بتشتّي الدني ضدّنا، كفرنا اكتر من مرّة قيّد، كفرنا...و طلعوا رجال الله يقولولنا الجنة و النار يا ولادي، و فال النار معنا و الجنة ضدّنا، يعني الله ضدّنا لأنو مش لازم الإنسان يكفر لو شو ما صار....ايدك مش رح تتعب قد ما نحنا تعبنا قيّد...لأنو بعد بدّي قلّك مين في معنا، في معنا يا بيي، كل القصايد الحزينة و الشعر قصايد كلّها عنّي و عنّك و هاي معنا قيّد، في معنا مليون خطاب عن الجنوب، إذا وزّعوون بيطلع للخيام وحدها شي ميّة ألف خطاب، و إذا وزّعوون ع أهل الخيام بيطلعلي أنا ويّاك شي اربعمية خمسمية خطاب بيكفّونا أنا ويّاك و أمك و أخواتك و بالزيادة، يعني إذا ولّعناهون كلّون بيدفّونا ليلة، في معنا مشاريع...مشاريع كتيرة كلّها لتعمير الجنوب...و الخيام بالجنوب...إذاً هيدي المشلريع معنا...
في معنا خطب الجمعة بكل المساجد...ووعظات الأحد بكلّ الكنايس...معنا كلّ الناس الحزنانين علينا و بس يتذكّروا الجنوب بيتأثّروا...و في كتير منون هالناس، قيّد معنا المهرجانات الحماسية بكلّ السينامات ببيروت...معنا ندوات و صور و إعلانات عن الجنوب...ما معنا بطانية معليش...معنا كلّ الأحزاب التقدميّة و الاشتراكيّة بالعالم عم يدعمونا، قيّد يا بيي ، معنا كل شي في شولرع و ضيَع...ننزل ندور و نشحد فيها رغيف خبز و معنا اجرينا فينا نمشي... و معنا توصيات بالصمود قدّام الإغراءات الاسرائيلية...و لازم نصمد انت بتعرف....بعدين معنا مهلة، معنا وقت كافي تنشوف قديش فينا نضاين بالبرد و بالسقعة و بالجوع، معنا ألف كتاب للصلا تنصلّي و نروح عالجنة....
كلّ هودي معنا و عم بتموت يا بيي؟! ليش عم بتموت؟! غريب انتا و غريب أمرك! طيّب شو بعد بدّك؟؟! في قدّامك هاللوح و مية لوح و المدرسة كلّها لالك...اكتب شو بدّك...ليش عم بتموت؟! ليش عم بتموت مش مفروض تموت...

What About People???!!!!

What about human beings you idiots…… what about the thousands of thousands of people who died and are dying right now?
What about us?
What becomes of me…..what becomes of you?
Is there a place for us in your mind… next to weapons next to blood…next to greed …next to racism …? Is there a place for me?
Is there a place for your own children?
A place for my children meeting yours someday….?
And you holy land…orphaned land….
What have we done to you…..what have we done????????
We became the worst version of human beings….living in the “dirt age”
What’s the WORD in such situation guys? What’s the right FEELING? What’s the right thing to do…..? Does “right” matter anyway? Who can say this is right n this is wrong now…
Whose fault is it? Who’s to blame?
Which voice I should call up from my deep inner silence?
The voice of human says “no more killing….no MORE KILLING”…and it’s killing me, the voice of logic says “it’s now or later…..it’s Lebanon or Syria or…….it’s Hezbollah or whatever the name was…. It’s us and them all over again…. it’s the ever lasting story of the evil and the good….”
And I ….in the middle of this battle….stand and think….. What peace are we talking about? The history is clear….the history is full of lies but it’s pure …. It’s not our land anymore…. Fighting is not our game anymore…. Peace is not a choice anymore …
War is a hell ….The world is a bigger hell…. We are to an end…. We are to an end

MUTE

the place where rehearsals are held(don't try to know where it is...)
Amer on base guitar, and he's so in control of this instrument, but i guess u need some new wires for the amplifier dude....
Ziad's always taking their breathe out...the thrill of playing his additions to a song makes him go where his friends can't but yell "hey man ....." and they all smile and play their own way...each one his own way and all in all Mute's way
Ali' on his ....hmm yeh drums
so tell me....what do u think of this huge drums?
Ziad &Amer
Mute with Damdom

MUTE

(me with Amer, Ziad and Ali)
Wordless I find myself…speechless…
What does it mean to have freewill?
What does it take you to prove, that you’re freewill is really free…
Answers: 1- to have freewill is to form a hard rock\ heavy metal (sometimes), in a city where Ali Aldeek is considered an artist… in a city where you can’t find more than few people who actually listen to real metal…
2- It takes you a hundred Syrian pounds per a month!
Few almost wireless instruments, and the spirit of three talented\hard working guys that lights the dark place, and make the weirdest place in the world where a band can actually practice, seems beautiful on Thursdays…
So as a result…
Mute, the first officially lattakian rock band (as far as I know), have seen the light…
And of course the crazy me who always gets into everything related to music, simply became a friend of the band’s members, after we met at the bus stop :D
Mute was formed two years ago, Sami Zreik “drummer” started the band with Ali Khalil and Maya Mamish on vocals, and of course the very …I’ll call him “yet to be greatest Syrian guitarist” Ziad Khalil… my fave Syrian guitarist…and Mayson on keyboard
After a while Amer Kena’an joined on buss guitar, to complete the first line up, the rehearsing used to take place at the music room at Tishreen University (which after a very short while was closed…because no body benefits of it…and u know how does it work in our country..)
With Maya’s deep voice, the band was ready to perform for the first time in some local restaurant in lattakia, playing some famous cover songs, it was very good as a beginning, and Maya’s voice was awesome!
This was the schedule (don’t remember the right order):
Zombie –the cranberries
Don’t You Cry – Guns N Roses
Creep – Radiohead
Knocking on Heaven’s Door
Gone With the Sin – HIM
Another Brick in the Wall2- Pink Floyd
Come as You Are

The crowd was simply…not a crowd!! Few ppl heard of this concert, so few ppl went, but the reaction was amazing everybody loved the band, and now everyone was waiting to hear from them soon.
But Maya didn’t continue “I don’t know why?” and the lattakian first rock festival was knocking on the doors, and the band was listed in… so a guest vocalist took Maya’s place “unfortunately!” and then was the concert…good concert in general, expect for the vocalist (I delete my first view on the whole concert), at first sight we were thrilled cus you know…lattakian ppl are dying for live shows, and this was the first, so we didn’t really listen! We were actually singing…anyway…we were drunk even by the bad vocalist, cus everything else seemed perfect…

Now that Mayson and Sami left the country for studying, the band is basically keyboardless, and Ali Khalil is the current drummer… but the three of them are on a kind of side-project with another two members of Slumpark Correctional, a hard working thrash metal band from this dead city. I can’t say it’s a side-project, cus Ali is the vocalist in spc, and mute’s members are all spc’s at the same time! Why not…. Due to the lack of talents in lattakia, we’ll have 10 bands with Ziad, Amer and Ali in! as Ziad once said ; )
No matter what I say …I can’t give the “tiny drums” its right…no matter what I say I can’t reflex how it really feels to listen to them practicing… no matter what I say I can’t give them their rights: Take ur hats off for this band guys… they’re –surely- a very unique Syrian band…and we’ll always be proud of you dear friends…
I had some chat with the guys n I asked them few questions:
1- influences:
Amer Kana’an : John Linon, Savatage, Yngwie Malmsteen.
Ziad Khalil: Chris Oliver –Savatage
Ali Khalil: Savatage, (as for vocals- Soulfly’s vocalist “sorry Ali I’m so stupid to remember n I forgot his name”)

2- how do u see the metal scene?
Ziad: good…normal
Ali: Sucks!
Me ( :D) : Sucks…but with u guys in…it’s gonna get better I hope.

Finally I have to mention, that all of the three guys are self-educated musicians. Beware they’re preparing for something…
Till next time…Metal Lives…(more pix to be added soon...as soon as i finish exams....i know that i've abandoned this dear blog for a real while...but i guess i'm coming back...)

Untitled...

Friedrich Nietzsche, how hard it is to write such a name?! well it’s no easier trying to understand this weird- special philosopher, you look around and you just feel “ yeh…that man was right!”, he’s said to be the core of Nazi’s racism theory, but what I got my hands on has nothing to do with racism or politics, it’s religious actually, starting with a simple quote (God is Dead) from his book ( The Gay Science).
Nietzsche wasn’t that simple dropping words just by chances of course, did he mean that Jesus was dead? Nah, not Nietzsche’s style, he didn’t mean that god is dead anyway, he was just giving the honest description of God in people’s hearts nowadays, he’s killed by science and rationalism – as he tends to explain- , he’s aiming one thing, once people accept the “God Is Dead” quote, we’ll have to set new values, more flexible, more up to date morals, and remove all the accepted standards. I just want to mention this is how I thought about this quote, and it doesn’t mean I believe in this, it’s another attempt to enlarge one’s view on another thoughts and beliefs, so here’s the whole story:

Have you not heard of that madman who lit a lantern in the bright morning hours, ran to the market-place, and cried incessantly: "I am looking for God! I am looking for God!" As many of those who did not believe in God were standing together there, he excited considerable laughter. Have you lost him, then? Said one. Did he lose his way like a child? said another. Or is he hiding? Is he afraid of us? Has he gone on a voyage? or emigrated? Thus they shouted and laughed. The madman sprang into their midst and pierced them with his glances. "Where has God gone?" he cried. "I shall tell you. We have killed him - you and I. We are his murderers. But how have we done this? How were we able to drink up the sea? Who gave us the sponge to wipe away the entire horizon? What did we do when we unchained the earth from its sun? Whither is it moving now? Whither are we moving now? Away from all suns? Are we not perpetually falling? Backward, sideward, forward, in all directions? Is there any up or down left? Are we not straying as through an infinite nothing? Do we not feel the breath of empty space? Has it not become colder? Is it not more and more night coming on all the time? Must not lanterns be lit in the morning? Do we not hear anything yet of the noise of the gravediggers who are burying God? Do we not smell anything yet of God's decomposition? Gods too decompose. God is dead. God remains dead. And we have killed him. How shall we, murderers of all murderers, console ourselves? That which was the holiest and mightiest of all that the world has yet possessed has bled to death under our knives. Who will wipe this blood off us? With what water could we purify ourselves? What festivals of atonement, what sacred games shall we need to invent? Is not the greatness of this deed too great for us? Must we not ourselves become gods simply to be worthy of it? There has never been a greater deed; and whosoever shall be born after us - for the sake of this deed he shall be part of a higher history than all history hitherto." Here the madman fell silent and again regarded his listeners; and they too were silent and stared at him in astonishment. At last he threw his lantern to the ground, and it broke and went out. "I have come too early," he said then; "my time has not come yet. The tremendous event is still on its way, still traveling - it has not yet reached the ears of men. Lightning and thunder require time, the light of the stars requires time, deeds require time even after they are done, before they can be seen and heard. This deed is still more distant from them than the distant stars - and yet they have done it themselves." It has been further related that on that same day the madman entered divers churches and there sang a requiem. Led out and quietened, he is said to have retorted each time: "what are these churches now if they are not the tombs and sepulchers of God?"

Belated Solidarity

I’m back, it took me couple of days to explore the big changes at the Syrian bloggers’ blogs, and I must say that I missed a lot, too much have been said, big efforts have been done to clarify what a real Syrian person would have reacted like, in the last couple of months. It was really comforting to know that too many people still have a mind in there, sorry that I didn’t have the chance to share all of these, but I got the new modem just two days ago, the last one is dead (bless thy), and I can say I wasn’t in mood for writing (still in the same mood!) but I felt it’s my duty as a Syrian person above all, and as a blogger to join my voice to you guys, but I have a problem understanding the whole issue; I’ve seen the cartoons, they’re just crap, but still they expressed somebody’s vision! So what?! We go and sue the whole country for that! Remember when Mhlis report took place, we were asking the whole world not to judge a whole country for some punch of lunatics’ mistake, can’t we speared our perspectives a little? Aren’t we contradicting our own words in this situation? Viva freedom, but when it’s everybody’s right! Not only given to certain people, go to the streets yell the hell out of your lungs it’s your right, but that’s when freedom stops, yeh freedom must be limited, cus otherwise people will miss the point and start becoming so aggressive under the word (freedom of expression), especially when they’re new to the whole thing (the freedom word). When Mel Gibson’s film (Passion Of The Christ) was banned in more than 2000 cinemas in USA (the freedom guardian angel), because the Zionists lobby found it too anti-Semite, wasn’t it against what they like to call expression freedom?! I don’t know what are we doing?? Everything seems so messed up and not fitting in its place… Still it’s unquestionable that it was shame to react like animals, don’t they (those so called conservative Muslims) say that the prophet’s image can’t be affected by whatever! Do these cartoons really abuse the prophet’s place in your hearts?? You’re maybe not sure about this even! If you wanna go for a restaurant with more than 7 people, you need permission; still they burnt the Danish embassy with cold blooded hearts while being watched by our great police, and after a while, we listen to the government’s apologies about this! Bullshit! Holey crap… I have to admit that I was moved by the Syrian bloggers’ reaction, and I’m proud to be one of you…peace in…

In Progress...

I’ll start it with Anathema’s Fragile Dreams lyrics:
Today I introduced myself to my own feelings…
In silent agony, after all these years…
They spoke to me, after all these years…

(Note: yesterday is some blurry moments from the past and not particularly yesterday or few days before, and so today is not the future…it’s the current minute…)
Yesterday:
People: I really gave much…took much, cared for much, get involved much, loved much, and wrapped myself to people much, lost many, gained few.
Music: alternative, soft rock, blues, and jazz, some Arabic…
Started guitar lessons…thinking “I’ll be playing these French oldies and my Bryan Adams’ favorites and fayrouze…”
Studying: books’ wormy…
Coffee shops: cherries waterpipe (argheleh) with any kind of coca, diet 7up most of the time…
Clothing: anything that fits me, because I was like 10 kg heavier :D
Parents: really didn’t like them…
Religions: drifted…not getting myself into anywhere asking the questions I couldn’t find their answers at the time…
Policy: protest!!!
Me: confused, killed some inner beasts and fought with some others…bought many smiles…
Eating: ate much much; and I reckon MUCH…of everything…

Today:
People: Numb as I’ve never been before when dealing with ppl no matter how close they used to be, but I’m relieved as I’ve never been…
Cut off the wires that connected me with ppl and prevented me from being in complete peace with myself.
Music: hard rock, metal (Doom, Gothic, Symphonic, Progressive, Black)… reduced my Arabic albums to end up having only Fayrouz’s and Ziad’s and Maghda’s albums. Bye bye bryan adams and oldies, (I’m now dreaming of playing Tarrega’s and Segovia’s and Bach’s great pieces, and thinking “it’s easy now to play electric…let’s give it a try!”), some jazz…
Studying: what??!! Say “studying” in front of me three times and I’m dead! cuz it’s not fair! Wallhi it’s not fair, I mean by what means, I took 24\30 in my programming practical exam, and I haven’t study a shit?? And my friend who helped me getting some points 5 minutes before we get the papers, only had 17!! This is ironic…no more studying! (I didn’t use any indirect ways I swear... ;))…so what do you think?
Coffee shops: grapes’ waterpipe, and only Orange coca…
Clothing: I can wear whatever…lost 10kgs of my extra 14kgs, I’m proud of this! I mean this is an achievement, this is a sign that when I will to do something, it’s done for sure, I can do whatever, I just need to will…
I’m into black stuff more…I like silver accessories.
Parents: proud of them as individuals, thy finally understood the independence I seek in our relation and they’re respecting this, but they drop some advices from time to time, which I appreciate.
Religions: My Humanity First…now and for good…
Policy: “membership means nothing” I’m not baathi…just because a paper says so… I believe in the “Great Syria” concept but I’m not a Syrian Nationalist …, I believe we must separate religion from policy but I’m not communist…but above all; I’m not ready to be tricked again with hypnotizing words and promises, this is the human voice in me, and for the sake of my\others humanity and not by the means of being involved in any political game.
Policy is dirty; this is what my daddy (who was a communist and a fighting one I think!) told me while I was crying…and I mean it CRYING because he said something like “I don’t really think it’s a good idea right now to become a communist dear!”, when I was telling him “I wanna join the party”…I guess I rushed at that time…and he’s right…
Me: I know what I am…trust myself and believe in me…and that’s all I need for the minute .Inner Peace. No more buying smiles…when I’m sad I’m gonna cry the hell out of my pain, and when I’m happy I’m gonna invest the minute…beasts are killed, and CARPE DIEM…
Eating: not into anything but chocolates! I mean I can stay like 5 days and eat nothing but chocolates, and of course a lot of coffee…all kinds of coffee.


Finally people change, but it’s really important to set your mind on some basics that cannot be changed, those concepts or principles or ideas…are the ones about humanity, about you sitting to yourself and feel that you can only tell yourself these stuff…they are just like your thumb lines and DNA…only you have them…this is what it means to be an INDIVIDUAL.

The Hole in The Wall

the Brush has joined the war...
(thanx you Samer 4 the pix)

To HELL!

You lay there, breathing your last breathes, fighting your fatal death, I look at your naked body, and I feel like tearing it into pieces, you were the ugliest! The most stupid, the rudest, and the toughest!
When you came to us, hiding yourself in the shape of a saint…we all asked ya to be our awaiting, for some you were the last hope! And you let them down…
For some you were the stair to heaven, but you knocked them away! Now that nothing’s left of your saint’s robe; I look at you…full of stains and brands, I can see blood on your hands, of course! You were WAR! You were FAMINE! You were DEATH! You were SATAN!
You greedy one! What have you done? How did you bring all these diseases, hurricanes, conspiracies, hatred, and death! Where did you hide them!?
I can remember how happy I was welcoming you! But I was a gullible!
No, nobody’s sorry for your death! But as for me; I won’t be a gullible again! I won’t welcome your sister the same way I did with ya…I’m afraid she won’t be much better, but at least I’m prepared this time…
God damn!!! I hated you!
No “Happy New Year” exchanges this time! It’s gonna be “TO HELL 2005…”

Creeping melodic EXAMS

Now that exams are knocking on my hell’s door, I settle down after going crazy the whole semester, I fight with Gaouse’s theory, at day, and Bissell’s equation at night, well the ironic thing is; after understanding them by myself - that takes you 10 light years!- because I haven’t attend more than couple of lectures in general, I decide with a very powerful will “ next semester I’m not gonna miss a lecture…even the English one…”, well this is my third semester and I’ve decided this twice by now…now how sad is this!
but you know there are multitude stuff which avoid this decision from seeing the light, first there’s sleeping; during the semester you sleep like 12 hours a day and sit to your P.C the rest of your day, this is kinda pay-off for the sleepless days and nights you’ll be witnessing starting from now...
Then there’re your friends, who are just like the loser you are, and you HAVE to hang out with them all the time, and pay every coffee shop in the city a visit.
And yes…you have to learn fishing...so you miss some lectures to do this, you end up being Rami the small fisherman “رامي الصياد الصغير” but don’t hope for more than ten microscopic fish, and don’t forget the donkey and carrot’s theory… “Some guys know what I mean for sure”.
And there’re the cd’s shops that know you very well by now, because you were blessing them with your visits every couple of days…to finally end up with enormous number of cds…and some new friends: D
And finally there’s your family, which you have to fight with; even this…EVEN this is taking a part of your time…
Akhhhh, do you think I’m gonna stick to my decision this time?? I need to study the hell out of these 9 subjects I have this semester…and I’m not gonna be thinking about the next one.
And since I’m a music maniac, I chose my “EXAM’S PLAYLIST” for this year which surprises many, because it’s not the kind students prefer to play…
My 2005-2006 Exams Playlist:
Bon Jovi ‘Two Story Town’ , Coldplay ‘Fix You, Speed Of Sound’
Creed ‘My Sacrifice, Weathered’ , Deep Purple ‘Soldier of Fortune’
Dire Straits ‘Down To The Water Line’ , The Gathering ‘If Then Else’ album
Godsmack ‘Faceless’ album , In Flames ‘Clay Man’ album
Iron Maiden ‘Dream Of Mirrors, Clansman’
Keane ‘Somewhere Only We Know, Everybody’s Changing, Bedshaped’
Led Zeppelin ‘Stairway to heaven’ , Lene Marlin ‘Another day’ album
Lifehouse ‘You and Me, Blind’ Metallica ‘Fade To Black, Mama Said, The Unforgiving І, Until It Sleeps’
Crematory ‘Unspoken, Memory’ , My Dying Bride ‘Like Gods Of The Son’ album
Placebo ‘Special needs’ , Poets Of The Fall ‘ Signs Of Life’ album
Savatage ‘Hounds, When The Crowds Are Gone, Temptation, Mentally Yours, Sarajevo, This Isn’t What We Meant, Not What You See, Ghost In The Ruins, Out On the Streets, I believe, Alone You Breathe, Stare Into The Sun, All That I Bleed, Follow me’
Sentenced ‘The Cold White Light’ album
Theatre Of Tragedy ‘Velvet Darkness They Fear’ album
Travis ‘The Invisible Band’ album, Him ‘The Dark Light’ album
Some of my fave Fayrouz’s

Don’t ask me how the hell I study while listening to these completely different ppl and genres; but I’m used to this I can't do without music!…if you want share your exam’s playlist “if you have one” with me feel free…it’s kinda tag, so I’m tagging:
1- Change Destiny
2- Zena
3- Grayfox
4- MFLS
5- Muhannad
6- Front Pumper

Blood Brothers

For a good while, I thought; “why do we say words like “Arab world, Sister country, we share the same hopes”?”, and I was convinced that all of these are just bullshit and crap. I believed that “together we stand…divided we fall”. Today, and the time is running…preparing ourselves for the unpredictable future of our own, feeling the “unfair” growing into a giant, feeling that we’re alone, that it’s over, doubting the principles we’ve always considered to be our identity… “ The Better Life” coral, came all the way from Egypt…came to pray for their homeland Syria, for Syria is the homeland of everyone, they came to sing “ Keryamaisons…hallelujahs…” and many other holy pieces, in the front row, a sheikh and a priest sat, holding Syrian flags, and hands, they’re singing too… Thank you Egypt, we need this from you, as we need it from all the arab or lemme say the free world’s countries, I know that prays may not stop what is being prepared , and I know that these people can’t do anything about whatever may happen, but they’re doing what their willing to, and that’s what matters…the will… they wanna stand beside their blood-brothers, they wanna say “ God Protect you holy land” they wanna say “ طوبى للذين يدعون إلى السلام لأنهم أبناء الله" Christians and Muslims, Syrians, Egyptians and Americans! They’re raising a word… and words don’t die of what I heard… I feel that I’m walking now with a hand in mine. Thank you Egypt…

Happy Birthday Me!

so what?! i wanna greet myself! and in my way...a very dear poem..and picture

يا طفلي الأول ...
معلمي الأول...
رفيقي الأول...
العام التاسع عشر من عمري...
إني احترمك كأمي...
و لسوف احترمك...
إني أسير في الطريق الذي سلكته...
و لسوف أسير...
رأسي يتدحرج بعيداً ...
و يجلس العام التاسع عشر من عمري...
على حافة سريري...
بين راحتيّ، و يقول لي :
لنتذكر معا أيام شبابنا...
لقد مرت يا عامي التاسع عشر...
تسع سنوات من عمري ...
منذ احرقنا أغصان الصنوبر في الغابة ...
و أنشدنا الأغاني بصوت واحد ...
و نظرنا إلى القمر في الليل ...
أنا لا أزال أغني القصائد ذّاتها ...
فلم تحولني الريح...
إلى ورقة في مهب الريح ...
لقد سقت الريح أمامي ...
و أنت!
يا من تستطيع تحطيم ما لا يحطم...
أنت قادر على التحديق في عيني...
و الضغط على يديّ...
و أنت!
يا من...
أنت وحدك ...
يا طفلي الأول...
معلمي الأول...

رفيقي الأول...
العام التاسع عشر من عمري ............

this is from me to me with love, wishing myself a happy birthday…. This poem is one of my fave. Nazim Hikmat of course… it’s strange how close his words to me! I guess it’s close to everyone… I’ll take another few words I’m in love with…
"If I didn’t burn,
And you didn’t…
And we didn’t…
Who is it…That will enlighten this darkness?"

doesn't sound really optimistic as a new begining right?!

anyway, special thanx to each of: Lujain, Iyas, Ali... you guys are the best! love you, happy to have you in my life for another year... I'm blessed with you guys... and I mean it.

of course thank you my Adam...though you didn't call me...boohoo..tfoo 3aleek.. but I'm even more blessed with you... there's a deep instinct telling me, I'M GONNA ENJOY MY NEW YEAR... god bless you homeland... thank you god for enriching me in different ways the past year, thank you for dropping nice people into my way.... I can't ask for more

sorry if i hurt, bothered, annoyed or acted as a jerk with any of you...hope i've learnd sth from the past year...yallah cheers guys... ...

WHY??!!!

The Truth that We All Know...

truth hurts?! sure it does, but it hurts more when everybody knows the truth...yet everybody's is blinded... What a sun! you see it but you're walking in complete darkness...
here is the truth..
don't panic! try to see the sun...but don't let its light blind you..

Rock On...

Place: lattakia, the Casino.
Time: 6:00 pm, 25\11\2005 .
Event: the very first rock festival in lattakia.
Contributors: Mute, Nu-Clear-Dawn, Black Castle.

So I was there…and almost everyone was there, but everyone means: everyone who really cares for the Syrian rock scene, I mean I went to many other concerts but this one was completely different, there were like 20 security men, it was organized well, and the bands were AWSEMN.
So Mute – the lattakian band- started the show, and they were – for me- the best, regarding the great vocalist and the brilliant guitarist. Guys! This one is much better than the first formed band, where was that guy – the vocalist- !! rock on guys…hope to hear more of you…more than just cover songs…
Then another victorious band…Nu- Clear- Dawn…I’m just PROUD of em, I mean they composed their own music, lyrics…and everything! The vocalist has a problem yeh…but still it’s the very first band to CREATE sth…and not anything, something that reminds you of the golden bands…like Dio, Dream Theater…and you know…
I recommend their EP. Poem Of A Knight.
And finally I was exhausted and so the guys so we couldn’t stay to listen to all of Black Castle’s, but in general they’re instrumental, and very good at this…
So now after that rocky night, I can say that the rock scene now is witnessing an awakening…and it has developed way ahead… proud of you guys…all of you.

Me In Damascus...the pix

those pix i took while i was in damascus couple of months ago...couldn't upload them till now, well it's raining outside now...and i'm thinking..just like the rain is washing this dirty streets...so you can wash all the bad memories...this simple!! I had good times though..

My second round in tag land

thank you iyado for tagging me since ages...but i really didn't have time for this :


Se7en thinks I want\like to do:
Listen to music…all kinds of music, from the greatest classical pieces to the metal of Iron Maiden. From Fayroze to…no to no one…only AND ONLY Fayroze.
Reading.
Writing.
Playing my guitar.
I wanna improve my programming skills without getting bored!
Spending good times with Luji and Alloush my best friends and yeh…of course spend all the time if I could with my Adam.
Sit in my glassy room…while it’s raining out there, write something good…and listen to fayroze’s voice when mixed with the rain drops’ noise on the glass… with a glass of mateh…hehe lattakian!

Se7en things I don’t want/like to do:
I don’t wanna walk between ppl feeling that I’m walking between shadows!
Knowing that I’m being moody and as a result hurt someone.
Watch Arabian music channels.
Waste my time…then look back with a boohoo face on the wasted times!
I hate to be misunderstood.
Losing someone I really care about…
Tiding my closet.

Se7en things I say most often (with explanation):
tfooooooo 3aleek; shame on you, I almost say it all the time...
nashooo7; dirty, when someone does sth you don’t: agree with/like/know about…and all the treason acts…well it’s proudly a DAMDOM’s word…
Boohoo; how sad! With a sad face and accent (I say it because I’ve heard it a lot the past 10 months.)
baseeta baseeta; take it easy…I say it even when a disaster is coming!
What so ever!; I don’t give a shit…
hous ha!; shut up or else, I used it a lot when I was at high school to tease the boys :D
Cool; cool!!! I say it when I don’t wanna talk much about whatever.
Se7en people I would like to pass this tag to:
sold out...only because every body else already did it...