Blogging Day for Syria

Painted by Suzanne Alaywan


I've decided to regress into my shell since 10-4-2011.....
I've not been able to exchange words with the closest people to me...my best friends and family...with the least of exceptions...
I'm 24 and a half....and I've never been out of this place in my entire life...
my feet didn't experience the touch of another soil....my nose didn't experience the smell of another aroma....my eyes...have been shut ever since I was born....
I've experienced one thing ...... Syria...
My home....my memory....and my being...
all I wanted was to leave....was to throw myself into the arms of the first shelter I find on the way....but I failed....for a reason...
I'm not a happy person ...I know it....I'm a pessimist.
to witness....to know...to understand the illusion of the only fact you've known for ever....is the hardest thing one can go through.
In my Syria....Syrians don't kill each other....
In my Syria....every Syrian truly exist...not just under categories.
In my Syria....every mind is respected...not poisoned.
In my Syria...every Syrian's dream is to take part in the process of reforming Syria....not to leave it for good.
In my Syria...your freedom doesn't ruin mine....
and I can go on forever ...drawing the shape of my Syria....thus....my Syria is an illusion.

I was told that I'm a romantic when it comes to politics...thus....I hate everything related to politics...but I'm an addict to every related post written...

I was told that I'm an idealist when it comes to judging human beings....I am a humanitarian....and I will keep on believing in the essence of that creature....

I love you Syria :

يا سورية الجميلة السعيدة

كمدفأة في كانون

يا سورية التعيسة

كعظمة بين أسنان كلب

يا سورية القاسية

كمشرط في يد جرَّاح

نحن أبناؤك الطيِّبون

الذين أكلنا خبزك و زيتونك و سياطك

أبدًا سنقودك إلى الينابيع

أبدًا سنجفِّف دمك بأصابعنا الخضراء

و دموعك بشفاهنا اليابسة

أبدًا سنشقّ أمامك الدروب

و لن نتركك تضيعين يا سورية

كأغنية في صحراء

رياض الصالح الحسين


R.I.P Martyrs.

Dimah Ahmad

THE Dark Side of The Moon

this is of course Pink Floyd’s exceptional …and my all times favorite album.

So let me share the concept of this album, with you :)

The album simply is indicating life’s pressures……

from the minute u open ur eyes…and ends up with the…sermon.

1- Speak to me, Breathe

Life…the minute we open our eyes…the first scream…BIRTH…
we’re given life, and at the same time, we start dying.
The first pressure is living…by other’s views…telling u what u must and what u must not do…asking u to be the “Perfect” kid…asking u to “achieve”…to be “successful” as everything around u demands ur perfection, the perfection our parents failed to get to, and now counting on u.

2- On the Run

Mobility…evoking the modern life’s speed…the change of places…in order for u to get what u want…u must go after it…nothing is achieved by waiting it!
And we’re all moving…particles changing energy, maps forcing paths…

3- Time

Time…who has the time??!! “I’m outta time”…
and we’re aging…no one can stop this process,
our bodies are aging…hair is whitening and time is running out!
In a blink of an eye, ten years have got behind us…and we’re still gazing at the sky the same way…
“the sun is the same in a relative way but you’re older”.
And if, we are afraid of getting older…time can control us.

4- The great gig in the sky

Death, is the end, or could it be not??!!
No one is sure about what lies on the other side, we’re all under the pressure of this end, is it really the end of life as we know it, is there anything after death?
Does death give us power to live, or take away our will to do anything, since death is the logical end?!
“and I am not frightened of dying, anytime will do”.

5- Money

Money! Well, hell yeah it is a pressure, everybody wants money, to do what with??!! Greed led us to where we are today, people want to make money the easy way, and they spend it the same way!
If money was ur aim, and u really not sure what to do with it, again, u r under its charm…and selling off ur soul!

6- Us and Them

Ethnocentrism, conflict, wars…
I am right, you are wrong.
You either can join “me” to fight “them” because we are right, or I’ll have to fight u cuz u are one of them!
It’s black and blue, up and down……
“With, without.
And who'll deny it's what the fighting's all about?”


7- Any Color You Like

So, wars, money, travelling, being, existing, and aging…if u surrender to all these pressures…u will suffocate…and u will need a space, a sanctuary, and if you don’t wanna believe, think…or understand, u’ll take the short cut…Drugs!
Cuz the pressure is really huge…and we’re really small…
And we’re easily drifted…if we lost control!

8- Brain Damage

Where would all of that lead us to???!!
Insanity, is there a god? Is there a judgment day? Am I alive? What is the right? What is the wrong? Will I be the man/women everyone wishes for?
Am I going to have children or not? Will I ever be happy? Will I die in a car accident or in my bed?

“You lock the door
And throw away the key
There's someone in my head but it's not me.
And if the cloud bursts, thunder in your ear
You shout and no one seems to hear.
And if the band you're in starts playing different tunes
I'll see you on the dark side of the moon.”




9- Eclipse

The wisdom, Pink Floyd reached to, what we, human beings, all share:

All that you touch
All that you see
All that you taste
All you feel.
All that you love
All that you hate
All you distrust
All you save.
All that you give
All that you deal
All that you buy,
beg, borrow or steal.
All you create
All you destroy
All that you do
All that you say.
All that you eat
everyone you meet
All that you slight
everyone you fight.
All that is now
All that is gone
All that's to come
and everything under the sun is in tune
but the sun is eclipsed by the moon.

"There is no dark side of the moon really.
Matter of fact it's all dark."



With all my love to Pink Floyd.

Dream's Keeper

When a man/woman, forms -what you believe is- a real human being,
when you believe in the quintessence of humanity through such human being…
when your whole world has been turned upside down,
and when you can’t find words to thank this human being…
When you’re just stepping to the fringe, and your giving up, breaking down,
and not being able to descry that the feather,
is actually giving light another meaning,
that the teddy bear you hold at night, is the world’s as well...
then this person comes and teaches you how to look inside you and see the universe...
you find yourself....chasing letters....but failing to build a word!!!
Many people would call her the“ artist, painter, poetess, dreamer, little girl, ….”
And many other so simple, sometimes not so simple though, names…trying to give her…a name,
well, she’s Suzanne!
She’s the human being.
She’s all humanity too.
Sometimes floating to you with shades of a tired sea,
and sometimes crashing you with the black anarchy of us,
her fellow humans or should be, and of this planet.
Her words are actually one long haiku poem,
“warning: you could die of over “reality/dream” dose when reading her”…
She’s simply crossing the bridge to other human beings,
how brave it is, to step towards what could be you, or what could just… hurt you!?
She’s destroying this world, and building another,
She’s gathering this scattered world…in a painting, at the same time.
And because it is absurd, to say “I know”, she’s not going to give you an answer…
she’s going to take your hand, walk with you,
sometimes she’s going to point to an untilled land,
sometimes she’s going to… just sigh…and speak everything you have had in mind in a space!
By sighing, pollens will find their way to that land…and bring life on.
many are the ornaments; you’ll be smitten by when roaming her world…
You’ll remember those days, when life was the rill hitting your small muddy feet,
and dreams were twigs into the sky, so high that you fell into the rill...
you’ll think of “how did this spirit foresee the scene with such easiness”…
and she’ll answer with a smile, and a butterfly “or a squirrel! “
She’s love dictionary, she’s the tranquility of faith, and she’d give you both.
She’s the best friend everybody wishes for, and she’s one of a kind…
And whenever you’re around anything belongs to her…you can feel snippets of heaven….
And she’s a whole world of human beings…

my dearest friend Suzanne, for all the times I got wordless …”just like now”
for all the times I got overwhelmed with gratitude ….
I want to say thank you…
Love beyond inf.

Feeling.....

All For Gaza

there's nothing to say....
except that i feel ashamed....of being sad ...
i feel ashamed that it's the only thing i can do.....
i feel ashamed of each one of you dearest people of Gaza....
and that my sadness....is a luxury that i don't deserve....
and that i'm being part of this .....by just sitting, watching, and doing nothing but feeling the immense impotence and oppression.
Woe to us.....people of 21st century!!!
it's the lament of human kind....

Shelter

How are you?!

Staring at me…she never answers…

If someone touched her

My turtle will hide inside her shell

Where do I myself could hide...

If one.... just called my name?!

قلبها علبة ألوان

There's so much beauty in this world....that i can't take.....that i don't wanna miss

قلبها علبة ألوان

Squaring the circle

There will always be
A new kind of pain
waiting.

A door that looks just like
any other.

A key that is supposed to
open another.

To knock is simple
To be handed the key……
…and the maze.

The choice…is to open
or to throw.

"A word is dead
When it is said
Some would say.
But only then
It starts to live."

No one’s safe
and the choice must
be made.

Like a tree…
not sure when
it is time to get cut
but sure it will.

The image of the Other side
is just an illusion
till crossing the bridge.

It is certainly… tempting
but the try…!

What is worthy more?!
An illusion becomes not?!
the idea of certainty?!

The womb…
the baby shall break
or else it is dead.

to Suzanne Alaywan

Sweet Boredom

As usual, my relationship with this blog goes up and down
Explaining adds nothing, the little you read …the little you write…that’s right yazan!
Writing from this corner for the first time, new feelings …new places….faces…and the same messed up me.
Izo is standing over my shoulders watching me writing…ok…gonna be as simple as my life has been for the past few months, no surprise!
this city is changing definitely…lattakia, the poor Mediterranean sleepy forgotten lazy city and the very inspiring, though, one.
In a year…maybe less, things might change. Maybe new life…new city…or even new country.
In a year a whole new start.
At least that’s what I’d like to think.
Years pass really faster than hours…minutes, suddenly I’m a fifth year student!
The pessimistic me raises all the questions…exploring the options, and making pre-decisions.
I’ve been lucky this year, unique experiences, people, circumstances and a relief…the relief that only such laziness I’ve surrendered to would give.
Moments of thrill, passion highness and more…to end up with a conclusion, those moments of “joy” or “happiness” are few, and very short in time. Not that I’m being blackish again… it’s the simple truth, I can’t enjoy anything for more than seconds. Whose mistakes?! I don’t really care.
Only in my mind, I’ve traveled to all the places, figured new spheres, and made up a whole new life…facts.
But I’m still here, sitting to the same table at Izo’s coffee shop, writing my posts using the same laptop, and listening to the same music, drinking the same drink, smoking new White Marlboro. Surrounded by same faces…me…the one who gets bored fast enough…enjoying this repeated picture of reality!! Surprising myself, knowing this feeling won’t last …so just trying to embrace it…hold on to it for the longest time.
Appreciation is the lesson…appreciating people, time and the chance of watching my city becomes not mine.
Giving up that urge to detect mistakes here and there…opening up to all kinds of people.
It feels exactly like stretching your body…on a crowded lattakian beach…giving the sun a chance to reach each part of your weak body…every cell…melting…ready to be shaped into any image…any personality…
New starts freak everybody out. People tend to “appreciate the comforts of every day routine- the security of the familiar, the tranquility of repetition”. I like anybody, share the same feelings. With a little space inside, to unleash my own humble dreams. Knowing that time will come for a change…till then, I’m very proud of this feeling.

Chech this out!

http://www.poemhunter.com/susie-gharib/

Appreciation

THANK U IYADO....

THANKS ALOTTTTTTTTTTT

UR THE BESTEST

Bob Dylan

for bob dylan's "believers".....this is a must watch.

Dylan didn't want to become the insider.....he's always been an outsider....

I say.....ZOOM OUT PEOPLE!

On Sin, Love and me

Noise is eating my mind
Need is growing inside
Desperate to go insane
Though I know it’s all in vain

Trapped by unreal chains
Surrounded by bullshit and blame
Dead they are….and I’m alive
Strangers to their bodies… pretending that’s right

Deceivers….liars…assholes and whores
Full of sin ….still.. they rule
And the feelings they ignore
Will be there no more

To break into their minds
To pull them out of their disguise
I am going to…

To open their eyes
To yell: beds are sinless …love is sinless
And I’m ready to pay the price

Come…let’s shake their cave
Come…let’s prove we’re brave
Come…hold my hand
Come…let’s clean this land

Of sin….they shall always talk
In hell… their souls must be washed……..

Update

breaking news.....I can smile again :D:D:D:D:D:D....

there's still some weakness in the right side but it's a great step forward ....

one thing i've learnt out of being unable to smile properly.....Smile anyway...no matter how .....just keep up the smile. cheeeeeeessssss

Not Dark Yet !

it's been two months since i last was here....and two months since i got bell's palsy.
things are getting better health wise....but suck about any other thing u might think of!
i'm having mid-term exams now...and i'm realllllly losing it! i can't understand the way this university functions....! i mean after four years i still can't find out the keywords......and of course my dear university doesn't miss a chance on surprising me with all new:
1- only in Tishreen Univ. students would do their exam in 6 degrees in the winter because.....the AC is very high that noone can reach it and......the remote control is god know whre!!!!
2- only in Tishreen Univ. the exam is cancelled once you've already written your name on the answers' paper because the Dr. was too ill to do his job and noone thought about you so they don't care for a substitute!
3- only in T.U the classroom's door refuses to get unlocked 10 mins before the exam, and they "the T.U's minds...."...can't think of another room until you've already lost 15 mins.
4- only in T.U doctors believe in your highly respected mind that can lead into learning a whole programming language in just 1 hr 30 mins :D:D:D:D:D:D:D.......
and no...it's not dark yet since Bob Dylan's yelling at me that i should "hate nothing at all except hatred".......well dear Bob......"it's not dark yet" but "it's getting there for sure".

Bell's Palsy :(

Doctors said it's a virus……that found its way into my right facial nerve, leaving the right half of my face paralyzed…… they told me it's just a matter of time before I get better…..and I'm stuck in bed……surfing the net (thnx Sam 4 the laptop) …..reading the blogs…..not being able to comment on anything cus blogspot is banned in Syria. What's new? I mean it's ok…..really why are we just yelling and asking the whys'……??? We're just being weirdos asking such questions.
So while everyone is studying…I can't, while everyone is having wine…..I'm taking cortisone!
Staying in bed…..gave me the time to rethink over millions of stuff, million of people crossed my mind…… and my old ways ….the "take it easy" way…and the "see the bright side" way…..are not working…….
What happened to the human in us?! Whenever I think of the way I deal with people compared to this they deal with me….i get confused…..because it's not fair! I gave up on expecting things from people too long ago! But when I got sick……I've expected some "humanity" from those I care about…….and I decided that from this minute on…..i'll ask nothing from noone…..of course there are exceptions……but they're just few……
It's getting clearer for me…… clouds are evaporating little by little…..
Thanks to all who came over, those who called…..those who sent e-mails and messages…… and thanks mom, dad and sisters! Love ya all. I'm sorry for being an ass right now!
Sorry samar and samer for not answering!

Overrated Bullshit

Disconnection

So you let them in….they take places, and you become them…they become you, you recharge yourself, thinking there must be some place left here or there…..but! You wake up one day….find yourself naked of them all…. Because that was just your mind….creating the overrated concept of “eternal fucking friendships or relationships”.
Yes it must be overrated….because it’s not real….it’s just hallucinations.
And it’s all right, it’s completely fine, cus what matters now is the fact that you know what is it all about when it comes to relationships and all these crap.
I say crap, and I apologize to everyone who had one or more good thing going on under the name “relationship”….but give me a break!
It’s all about words all over again! I mean ….let’s say we’re living in a world where nobody knows what the word “friend” means…..or the word “hate” means….that would just change everything, I say…..let’s drop the words….let’s live it real……let’s be honest…..you’re nothing to me….why? because I don’t accept giving you names…..
I just wanna go for the “human” vocabularies. Just a human- fellow!
But why am I circling around “words and meanings”…..it’s all our fault, we – the current version of humans- just had the guts to destroy a whole set of meaningful words that took our grand grand parents years of creativity and meditation to come up with!
And I see the questions in the eyes of those who used to be titled in my life…..they don’t know what’s going on in my head….and to what level I got of bitterness to just say this!
And the problem is…..how can you explain if you don’t care enough…..and why would you care to explain if you don’t care enough…. Explanation deleted.
“why” is clear for those who knows….and only for those …. I do care, and they’re titled “human” for me.

Writing wordless!

I’ve been trying to write for as long as I can remember now (due to my fucked up short term memory that could be yesterday…..but never mind)…. first ….I thought I’m not able anymore……, I thought I have lost the will….the ideas, but then, and after sailing too deep into new oceans…….discovering new lands, and exploring everything, after a hand shake….after a song…..after a beautiful….or ugly scene……after waking……. I believe that it’s not the will….nor the ideas, it’s just “words”……they’re dead…….and my whole perspective of almost everything in life has changed.
Not gonna say I’m happier, because I’m not.
Not gonna pretend I’m all right, cus again….I’m not.
Not gonna say I’m in deep shit…..cus I’m not (now).
Nothing is different if I wanna put it in words, but as I said, words are dead this time, so if there’s a difference, words won’t be the way to explain it, and so….you won’t be able to tell, if there’s actually a difference or not!
It’s kinda weird, but I gotta cope with it, it’s new….it’s like a new language , that have been made only for me, and it’s me who’s gonna learn it from its own a to z , like when adam and eve had only a whole planet to explore.
Well, if I’m using images, connected to words, well, the word could mean anything, for each one who reads it, but….only me….because I connected them, will understand the word……
So I’m gonna drop some words, and if telepathically we connected, you’ll understand each and every word I’ll write:

Tishreen Univ. Lattakia. Syria. Pizza. Camel. Pink Floyd. Waking Life. Black. Dirt. Speed. Laziness. Papers. Walls. Q . Bob Dylan . Saad . Yellow. Terabyte. MCSE . Bed. Fiber. Archive. Final Cut. Stone . Beer. Yousef. Social Destruction. 730. Green . Yazan . Idleb . Fair . Syria. Roger . Wikipedia . Damien Rice . Marcil . Nadeem Mohsin . Led Zeppelin . Lighters . Lap-top . Family . $ . Delay . Tennis. 5th of Nov.
8pm . 7 . Syria . Borders . Mountains . CO2. Time. Beats . Rain . Dad.
End. Human. God. Jeans. ………….me.

Goobye blogspot!

Life can't get any aglier.....this country can't get any worse.......and I'm moving to this new blog , not sure when they will block it anyway!!!

Googlism Everybody!

I thinks the title-link speaks of it all!
Are we all "Googlists".....without even knowing it?!
what's with us? what's with the world?!
http://www.thechurchofgoogle.org